Demons With Hearts
by EllaMitchell27
Summary: Emily met Hanna in middle school. Emily fell in love with Hanna in middle school. Emily lost Hanna at the end of college. And will stop at nothing to have her back. AU Hannily TRIGGER WARNINGS (Domestic Abuse, Rape)
1. Prolouge

**Hello Fanfic Friends! So I've had this idea for a while and want to try it out! This is more of a prologue than an actual chapter by the way! Read and review review review! Reviews literally make my day! Love you all! **

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How can you tell when someone is your soul mate?

Is it the way your heart beats painfully fast? The way you clam up? Maybe how your weak knees shake so painfully fast you have to struggle to stand? Or is it the way their eyes bore into yours until you have to look down at their shoes? Which of course you love, because they're your soulmate.

It would be just easy for someone to come up to you and say, "Hi. We've never met, but we are destined to love each other for all eternity. Lovely weather isn't it?" Pfft, that sounds so cheesy. _Destined. Eternity_. That sounds like one of those stupid romance novels that inspires thousands of crying girls' Tumblr posts. Like _The Fault In Our Stars._ Without the Cancer. Or _Twilight_. Without the creepy Halloween-ness.

I think there's different types of love. Like 'I want to marry you and grow old next to you and laugh and cry more times than either of us can count' love, and then there's the kind of love a mother feels towards her baby. Or rather, the kind of love I feel to Brook. Brooklyn Hanna Fields to be exact. But I can never say her middle name.

It hurts to much.

Sure, Brook became my daughter through a story in which could be turned into a best-selling Blockbuster, but I still love her beyond every word in every language.

But with a soulmate, you don't exactly know like you do when you give birth. A little voice in your head doesn't say "This is your soulmate". A graceful note on graceful parchment doesn't arrive, delivered by graceful doves all Harry-Potter like, with those 4 forbidden words scrawled across the delicate paper

But a little voice in your head _does_ say "Look at those stunning lips". Or "That hair is breathtaking". Or "Listen to that melodic voice". Or even "I want to lovingly and lustfully stare into those almost painfully gorgeous blue eyes, allowing them to put meinto this impossible-to-describe-yet-marvelous trance with their sparkle and twinkle yet with that 'I'm gonna get the job done' determination behind them, until the day my heart stops beating". That's something soulmates do to you. Make you use words like _marvelous_ and use run-on sentences.

But that overly expressive and seemingly never-ending thought is what uninvitedly seared through my unsuspecting mind when I first laid eyes on Hanna Eleanor Marin.

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**Should I continue? :)**


	2. Blue-Eyed Angel

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews! Keep at it my friends! Here's chapter 2! Disclaimer: I own nothing. Also, Sorry about any mistakes, it's late and I'm tired. Love you all!**

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I wasn't expecting it. That was what made it so, I don't know. Romantic. _Ugh_. Cheesy, again.  
Maybe I wasn't expecting it because for 1, I wasn't gay. Or at least, I didn't know it if I was. But the thing was I didn't have feelings for any other girl. _Or_ any other boy. Sure, I thought "He's attractive". Or "She's pretty". But doesn't everyone at one point or another?

Just because you think a person is attractive doesn't mean you'd want to sleep with them or marry them. But if you think someone is attractive, not to mention sweet, funny, charming or whatever your turn-on is, you _would_ want to sleep with them and/or marry them, then bam, you have a crush, hetero or otherwise.

But I knew I wasn't gay, so as Spencer told me, I wasn't a hederosexual, I wasn't homosexual, I wasn't bisexual. I was a Hanna-sexual.

I guess you could say I still am.

But alas, that day wasn't like any other.

Sure, I woke up with a groan of _I don't wanna_ like a 3 year old, even though my 12th birthday was only 19 days away. It was the 1st of November, the first day of my least favorite month. Sure, it was my birthday month, but it was also dreary, dark, and stupid. So I chose that _specific_ day to pop into the world, almost a month early mind you. _Yay, a new little terror in the world. _Ya freaking hoo.

It was stupidly warm for November, which only made me suspicious. Sure, I was only a naïve little 11 year old, but I knew the universe I'd been living in since I popped into the world only gave me something beautiful or momentarily fun if it would come crashing dow n in a freakin' blink.

So, I put on a long-sleeved jet black shirt, accompanied by neon green leggings with black polka-dots, with everyday sneakers resting on my feet. I slowly and unwillingly ate a granola bar and slipped my backpack onto my shoulders, dragging my corpse out the front door and around corners and across streets until I saw that prison known as Rosewood Day Middle School.

Ignoring the weird looks from teachers being I was 15 minutes late, I moved to my locker and stuffed my backpack into the cluttered mess, pulling out my stupidly large binder and slamming the blue metal door forcefully, making the picture of Spencer and I fall out.

I grumbled and opened my locker again, re-positioning the picture under a round blue magnet. I smiled a bit at the memory, and then picked up my books and _slowly _shut the door.

As I walked towards my first period class, I clomped up the stairwell, groaning, and instantly regretting wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Then, as I put my hand on the handle of my classroom, I saw a little square sitting on the floor a few feet from the door I was about to enter. Looking inside the small window of the door and seeing everyone working on some kind of worksheet, I shrugged to myself and walked curiously to the square.

I bent down and picked it up, seeing it was a school picture. My mouth dropped open.  
This girl was drop-dead damn ass _gorgeous_. She had longish blond-ish hair, with a wavy-ish aspect to it. Her skin had a peaches-and-cream complexion, withouta single blemish. A bright smile rested on her pink and full lips, and she had dimples on either side of her cheeks. Also, her teeth were nearly blinding, but not so white they looked stupid and unrealistic.

But what was really unrealistic were her eyes. Big, and unbelievably blue. Blue. _Why are they so blue? _Looking at the gorgeous cerulean/turquoise/royal blue gorgeousness made my stomach twist in knots.

I shook my head and quickly shoved the picture into my binder, still in a daze from those damn, blue, eyes.

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That day dragged on like a those loose threads on clothes, turning and spinning until it was just a big bumbling mess. I looked everywhere for that girl, those eyes, but to no avail. I'd never really paid attention to my other classmates, because they were all phonies and liars and assholes. But that day, I stared at them all, trying to chalk those eyes up to one of they were all baby-vomit green, or turd-brown, and the only blue ones I did find were all lightless and dull.

I gave this girl a name. Blue-Eyed Angel. Because of the color of her hair, she looked angelic, with a constant light in her ringlets. And blue-eyed, well, duh.

This was how it was for days. Days turned into weeks. I searched everywhere, closets, bathrooms, classrooms. I know what you're thinking. I wasn't exactly a stalker, because I didn't even _know_ this girl. And that's exactly what I what I wanted to change. Can you stalk someone when you don't even know who they are? I guess so, because I was. Blue-Eyed Angel's picture made me clam up in more ways than one, and I wanted to know what would happen if I actually looked into those eyes, and had them look into mine.

2 weeks turned to 3. 3 weeks turned into 4. And then it became a month of unsuccessful people searching. Horridly, 2 months rolled around, and by then, I'd pretty much given up, figuring someone dropped that picture accidentally, and this amazing Blue-Eyed Angel didn't even go to my school. Those eyes had never seen a test labeled Rosewood Day Middle School. She'd seen a different name on the top of her report card. Which I assumed to be perfect, of course. I could tell those eyes were smart.

Then, the day before Winter break, I was on the playground, leaning on the chain-link fence, staring longingly at the picture. The edges were know worn, and there was a small rip on the bottom right corner. But those eyes still looked just as perfect. I sighed, and grabbed the bottom and top of the picture. Bidding one last goodbye to those eyes, I tore the photo in half, then half again. I felt my eyes well, and I mentally slapped myself. You're crying over someone you don't even freaking now. You. Are. Pathetic.

I walked over to the trash can wedged nearly behind the school, and I went to release the shreddings. _Goodbye,Blue-Eyed Angel_. Then, by the luck of the gods, I heard a pen on paper. I snapped my head back, fairly grateful someone stopped my throwing the picture away. I widened my eyes to see someone sitting against the wall, wedged between the two that met in the middle. The person was wearing a black hoodie, jeans, and black boots. They were furiously writing in a black notebook, and paying no attention to me.

"Are you okay?" I asked, postponing throwing away the picture momentarily. The person halted in their writing, and tensed. Then, slowly brought up their head.

I gasped.

The black of the hoodie and the gold of her hair _really_ made her blue eyes pop.


	3. Then and Now

**I own noting but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

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Obviously, Blue-Eyed Angel's real name was Hanna.

She told me she was fine, and looked at me weirdly. Probably because I was staring at her like she was Madonna, standing in Burger King, wearing nothing but board shorts and a yellow bikini top.

I smiled and tried to avert my eyes from her eyes, but I couldn't. I was..._transfixed_. She nodded awkwardly and returned to her writing. _Oh, hell no._ I didn't search for this girl for months and lose a _lot_ of sleep, to see those eyes once.

"Are you new?" I blurted. She looked up again.

"Kinda. Why?" She inquired. _Crap_. I hadn't planned anything for her actually _talking_ to me.

"Just curious." I shrugged. She nodded. "I kinda...haven't seen you around."

_Except in my dreams._

She scoffed. "Yeah, I'm kinda invisible." I must've looked shocked, because than she spoke again. "Don't take it personally. I'm just like a shadow." I chuckled. She chuckled.  
The whistle signaling the end of recess rang out, and I heard the shouts of other kids. Blue-Eyed Angel sighed and closed her book, standing up and stretching. I looked at her. "I'm Emily." I blurted before I could stop myself. She smiled at me.

"Hanna." She said simply, sticking out her hand. I shook it, and my arm zapped, making my veins shake. I bit my cheek. We started walking to the line to go inside, and talked. Then, we talked more walking into the building.

We talked in between our afternoon classes, and after school. We talked until her Mom arrived, when she unexpectedly hugged me. It took me a minute to respond, but when I did, I wrapped my arms around her tight, never wanting to let go.

"I think we'll be great friends, Em." She whispered in my ear, causing me to shake, and her lips to brush my temple. I swallowed thickly, and she smiled mischievously, before taking off towards the dark blue Honda. I sighed, my hand still tingling from the handshake. Don't even get me started on that hug. Or that whisper_. _Or that accidental-but-insanely-magically-wonderful-kinda-kiss-type-thing.

_Jesus Christ._

And that's how it began.

**_14 years later_**

I sigh as I heave myself into the car. I lean my head against the seat, and close my eyes. As much as I want to fall asleep, I know I have to pick up Brook. So, I stick my key in the ignition and start the car. I pull out from my parking spot and start towards the freeway, waving at one of my employees, who was on his way out.

I review the day as I work my way through the bramble of running cars, waiting at lights and cutting other people off.

My most recent clients, the Hordens, had finally moved into their new house today. A nice house, if you ask me, but too basic. You know, the usual granite countertops, usual stainless steel appliances, and usual soaker-tub with a walk-in shower.

Maryana and Patrick Horden are semi-annoying newlyweds. The "I love you more!" kind of couple, pregnant with their first. In all honesty, I felt happy for them, because it took months of searching to find a house within their budget that fulfilled their wish list. Well, I felt happy-ish for them. You know, full happiness is a nearly impossible accomplishment for me now. Well, I take that back. Brook gives me full happiness.

I groan as I get into the highway. Dead-stop traffic. I pull my phone out my purse and unlock it, tapping on contacts. The traffic moves about an inch.

I put the phone to my ear, as it rings. Another inch. After a few seconds of shuffling on the other end, a familer voice echoes in my ears. "Hello?" I smile.

"Hey, baby." I respond.

"Mommy! How are you? How was work? Did you buy people houses?" I chuckle at Brook's excited voice.

"Well, let's see. I'm good, work was good, and I did help people buy a house. How are you?" I ask, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel.

"I'm great! I had a dandy time at school, because we painted pictures! And I made one for you!" Brook says, and I chuckle at her use of the word _dandy_. "Auntie Fiona was a little bit late to get me, but I forgave her. She let me eat cookies!" I raise my eyebrows to myself. We move a few more inches.

"Thank you, honey! Did Auntie Fiona say why she was late?" I ask my daughter.

"She just said she'd tell me later. I think she's has a sicky in her, because she seems tired and sad. She's crying now. Is she okay?" Concern's in her voice. Mine too, now. _Is it the baby? Is it dad?_

"Uh...I'll see when I get there baby. Now I gotta go, but I'll be there soon, okay?" Traffic starts to pick up a little.

"Okay, mama! I love you!"

"Love you more, baby girl. Bye." I say as I remove the phone from my ear and put it back in my purse.

After a stupidly long time waiting in the thicket of cars and trucks, I finally get to my exit and slide off, happily sighing as I get the hell away from the crappy drivers.

I park in front of Spencer's house, and the front door flies open almost instantly. "Momma!" Brook cries, flying into my arms. I hug her and kiss her dark hair.

"I missed you!" I say to her, as I stand up and take her hand. I note the pink and blue paint stains on her palms. She leads me through the door, and I see her _My Little Pony_ backpack and a piece of paper on the dining room table. "Now, where's auntie?" I ask her, putting my purse next to her bag.

"On the couch." She says, pointing to the living room. I nod and quickly kiss her head. I walk to where she directed, and see Spencer laying on the couch, looking at her phone inquisitively, one absent hand in her swollen stomach.

"Hey, what's up? Brook said you're sick." I say to her. She looks at me with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, hey. I didn't hear you come in." I hear footsteps and feel Brook hug my leg. I put my hand on her head. Spencer looks behind me. "Brook, why don't you go get your stuff packed up, I'll be out in a sec." Spencer says, looking at her. Brook eyes her for a second, then nods and scurries away. _Okay, if Brook can't hear this, this is a big deal. _

"What is it Spence?" I ask her, quickly stepping over one of Brook's toys and sitting beside her. She looks at me but doesn't speak. "Talk to me. "I-is it the baby? Or dad? Is it dad?" I say, a pit forming in my stomach. She shakes her head quickly. I sigh with relief.

She takes a breath, but doesn't release it right away. Finally she opens her mouth. "Okay, so I was at Lunar Café earlier, getting some tea to go before I went to pick Brook up, a-and..." She trails off, but I urge her to continue.

"And?" I say, worry in my voice.

"I saw... _her_." She says in a tiny voice. It takes a minute for me to understand. When I do, my eyebrows fly up so fast it hurts my head.

"Y-you mean..." I stutter out. She just nods once. My nails grip my legs, and I will myself not to cry. She looks at her lap. "Was he...no...he...wait...he was...there? Was he with her?" I finally say in a barely audible whisper. She looks back up at me.

One nod. That's all she provides.

I have to avoid her gaze. My head pounds, and I feel like my throat is closing up. "I'm done packing!" I hear Brook joyfully proclaim. "Have you guys said what I couldn't be here for? If not I'll go back to the kitchen." I hear Spencer chuckle a little bit. Yeah, it was kind of dumb of her to say that. Of _course_ Brook would know she was sent away for a reason. She's smart.

But then, Brook looks at us with concern. "Are you two okay? Now you _both_ look sicky." She says, clambering onto my lap.

I finally find my voice. "Yeah, we're fine sweetie. You ready to go?" I wipe my eyes, and feel them sparkling with tears. Brook nods.

Spencer and I stand, and walk to the front door. Brook puts on her backpack, and I put my purse on my shoulder.

Spencer opens the door, and I pull my keys out of my bag, pressing the left button. The back lights of the car flash.

Spencer bends down and hugs Brook, and Brook smiles at her and skips to the car. I smile shakily at Spencer, and turn to walk away, when she grabs my arm.

I look at her. In a whisper, She says. "He _was_... with her. And she had...a...she had bruises, Emily." And with those 12 words, she let go of my arm and shut the door.

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I'm not sleeping. I should be, I know, I know. But, I can't. And at least it's Friday, so I don't have to sit at my desk all day tomorrow, and make nice to the people who yell at me because what they want in a freaking house costs to much for their liking, and that pisses them off, so they have to yell at someone.

But in all honestly, I don't want to fall asleep because I'm kinda scared of my own dreams.

I know, I'm a damn ass adult. I have an almost-eight year old daughter, who's pretty much more mature than her mother. I have a real job. I go out, I buy groceries. I make withdrawals and deposits at the bank, I pay taxes, and the mortgage, and I make a commute each morning and evening. I go to to lunch at Chipotle if I don't have time to pack my own in the morning. I run a business, I have employees. I have a picture of my daughter on my desk. I answer phones and make notes. I have my degree hanging in a shiny black frame on the wall of my cubicle.

I have a cubicle! _I have a cubicle_. I'm a real adult. I have a job, and a daughter, and I write checks and have responsibilities. I'm an adult, and I'm scared of my dreams.  
I'm scared of the monsters under my bed, I'm petrified of the skeletons in my closet.

Ghost. Demon. Gremlin. Goblin. Witch. Monster.

These are things people are afraid of. They don't want them to be real, so they believe they can just slam the story book shut and slide it between other ones on the shelf.

But they can't.

What these naïve and unbeknownst people don't know is that these things are in fact, real. Those things are what I didn't want to invade my dreams.

But even if they don't invade my dreams, they invaded my brain the second Spencer's hushed words slipped past her lips. Those things can invade you as easily as the flu. I don't need to be asleep to know there's demons hiding in my brain, ready to jump out at anytime.

And _that's_ what scares me.


	4. Pictures

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

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After a long, sleepless night, I make myself fling my legs over the side of my bed, and make my way to the bathroom. I wash my face, then walk down the hall to Brook's room. I see her bed made, but the room vacant. I go to her desk and look for a note. Since she could write, if she woke up before me, she'd always leave me a note.

After looking around to see if the note fell or something, I still find nothing. Motherly panic begins to boil. I walk, okay, run, down the stairs. "Brook? Brook where are you?" I look frantically, first left, then right.

"Momma?" I hear. Snapping my head up, I see her sitting at the bar in the kitchen. She's holding a bundle of photos, and some are spread out in front of her. I sigh with relief. "I'm sorry I scared you, Momma." Confusion and sadness is in her voice. I smile weakly at her.

"It's okay, baby. Just remember to leave me a note, okay?" I remind her gently.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, mommy! But I've been up since, uh...7, and I forgot. Are you mad?" Brook asks, her eyes wide.

"No, baby. I'm not mad. What do you have there?" I ask, wanting to change the subject. I walk to the counter, and select a K-Cup to put in the Keurig. After I put a mug down and set the machine to brew, Brook speaks again.

"Well Momma, I set my alarm all by myself yesterday so I could wake up early to make a card for Auntie Spencer since she's sick?" I nod at her. "And I couldn't find tape in my desk, so I came into here to look for some, and I found these pictures in the same drawer. Who _is_ this?" Confusion slides across my face, and then realization hits me like a rock.

The pictures.

_The pictures. Shit shit shitty shit_. Shit!

I walk to the island, and the photos that are spread across the dark granite, all confirm my worst suspicions.

I inhale. _Hanna_. All the pictures here are of me and Hanna. Every picture we ever took together, they're here.

"Is she your friend?" Brook asks finally. I manage to nod. "Oh. B-but mommy, she's a girl!" I look at her.

"Yeah, she is. Why does it matter, hon?" I ask her curiously. My head hurts. My heart's beating stupidly fast.

"Be_cause_ Mommy! Look at these!" She looks through the pictures briefly, before pulling out 5 of them, and showing them to me. "Look!" The room spins.

I reconize the photos instantly. Of _course_ Brook would see these.

In the first, I'm bent over and kissing her cheek. I'm wearing nothing but a tiny black bikini, and she's wearing a matching pink one. Then, they exact opposite in the second picture.

The third is from the cruise. We're in the infinity pool, and I'm holding her bride-style. She has a giddy grin on her face.

The fourth is from the play we did in tenth grade, and we're both clad in wedding gowns. She's "proposing" to me with a Ring Pop, and I'm pretending to happy-cry.

But the fifth one is probably the one Brook's most curious about.

It was at this party, where we got sucked into a game of Truth or Dare. After a few stupid questions and stupid dares, a perverted dude named Noel dared me and Hanna to kiss. No, make out. And while we were rather flirtatious and did cheek-kissing and taht kind of crap, we were pretty drunk, and figured YOLO. So, we did.

_Ugh_, that was crazy. Stupid. Magical. Stupidly magical. Magically stupid.

In this picture, her left hand is on the small of my back, and her right hand is on my hip. Both my hands are on her face. You could tell, it was heated. Our lips weren't just pressed up with one another's, but both our mouths were open and you practically see her tounge in my mouth, and mine in her's.

It started by me just putting my lips flat and closed against hers, and as I went to pull back, she put her hand on my cheek and pulled me back again.

I finally find my voice. "Well, this is a picture of us kissing." I say simply.

Brook rolls her eyes. "I know _that_, Mommy. But I thought that was against the law?" She says, looking hard at the photos.

"What? Why?" I say quickly. She looks at me.

"Well, Mama. You are a girl. I know that. But so is she! Gramma told me that girls can't kiss girls and boys can't kiss boys! She said that's a..." She fumbles for the word. "I dunno, but she said something about God will hate you!" My mouth hangs open. She continues. "Does that mean your, uh, gay? Like Dorey from Nemo? Does God hate you, mommy? If He does, does He hate me too?" I swallow, and my vision fogs. "If you are, how are you my mommy?" Brook presses on.

"What do you mean?" I whisper, still frozen to my spot.

"Mommy, when you told me how I was made, you said a woman and a _man_ love each other." She says to me. "If you love her..."She points to Hanna. I nod numbly. "Then that means she's my other mommy, right? My friend Annabel has 2 daddies. I think it's the same type of thingie." She says, gesturing. My stomach lurches.

"Honey..." I trail off. My eyes then make the mistake of slowly drifting to beside Brook's head. I see the picture of us.

_Just do it, Emily. It's fine_. Nausea bubbles in my midsection. _Are you sure?_ More bubbles. _Emily, just kiss me already you little wimp!_

"Mommy?" I hear Brook's innocent voice, but it sounds like she's calling me from the other side of a tunnel. _This won't make things awkward between us?_ Bile rises in my throat. _No. Now just make out with me already_? Sweat slides down my forehead_. O-__okay._

Before I can respond, bile slides up my esophagus and I'm flying up the stairs, and puking my guts out for what seems like days. Memories are sliding through my mind. _The crowd whistles and hollars._ More vomit. _Hanna and Emily!_ _Hanna and Emily!_ _They chant loudly._

As I bring my head up, Brook's early words ring through my mind again. "_Gramma told me."_ I make a whimper/gasp. _My fucking mother fucking told my daughter being gay is fucking bad? _I narrow my eyes at nothing. Then, I hear a small knock.

"Mommy?" I manage a weak smile.

"Hey,hon. I'm okay. J-just feeling a bit sicky." I reply to her, hoping I won't worry my little girl.

"Okay then. I'll wait for you mommy!" She says joyfully, the I hear her skip back down the stairs.

I sigh, and am finally able to stand up on my shaky-as-hell legs. I wash out my mouth, and rinse with mouthwash. I wash my hands and splash my face with water. _You have a daughter, Emily._ _Go take care of her_.

I unlock and open the door, and slowly walk down the stairs. "Hey, baby, I'm gonna call gramma real fast, okay? Then we'll eat. Think about what you want." Brook smiles up from the drawing she'd started for Spencer. I grab,the landline, and try not to squeeze until it bursts. I dial my mom's number, and try not to shake with anger.

"Pam Fields?" My mother's chipper voice sounds on the other end. I take a breath.

"Mom." I say simply. She squeals, reminding me of a pig.

"Dear! How _on earth_ are you? _Goodness_, why haven't you called me _back_? I've been worried _sick_!" She says, overdramatizing certain words. I bite my tongue.

"What the hell is your problem?" I spit through the receiver. I hear stunned silence.

"Emmy, What are you talking about?" She says, a slightly worried tinge to her voice.

"How could you tell that..._bull shit_ to my daughter?"

"What..._stuff_ are you talking about?" _Oh, high and mighty Pam just _couldn't _ever curse. _I bite my tongue again.

"The stuff about gay people. _How could you?" _I say, closing my eyes. I hear her sigh.

"Well, it's the truth. She better learn how bad it is now, so she won't grow up...like that." Mom says nonchalantly.

I inhale. "Don't _ever _tell her anything like that again. Got it? And you won't be seeing her..._us_ for a while." I say, words flowing naturally out of my mouth. Again, stunned silence.

"What is your problem? She's _my_ granddaughter. I'm trying to teach her right from wrong!" Mom says, like she's innocent. I scoff.

"Whatever. Goodbye, _mother_." I say, seething with anger. I hear mom try to speak again, but I slam down the receiver before she could. I turn back to Brook, who was oblivious to the conversation I'd just had. "So, baby girl..." I say opening the pantry. "Waffles or oatmeal?"

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**Short and Crappy chapter, I know. But what did ya'll think of Hannily so far? And what do you think of Brook's character?**

**And by the way, to all my followers: you are all amazingly amazing. To my favoriters: you are all spectacularly spectacular. And to all my reviewers:I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! Seriously, I can't explain how happy reviews make me. So, as always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW and I'll see you all next chapter! :):):):) **

**Kisses, **

**E**


	5. They're Still Blue

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

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Brook's sick. She's been sick since Sunday evening, and I couldn't go to work today or yesterday. While my brain's still gotten stuck on those pictures several times, I tried to say _screw it _and focus on my suffering little girl.

Apparently, every kid in Pennsylvania chose right now to get sick, because I called her pediatrician, and they said they didn't have any appointments available until Tuesday afternoon. So, therefore, we've been home. And poor Brook feels like shit. She had a fever of 102, which was when I debated taking her to the ER. But it lowered overnight. She's been puking, she's wheezing, she's having a sinus thing, and her throat and ear hurts.

And I feel shitty, too.

Not in a sick way. In a way I can't really describe. Was it those pictures? Pfft, that was stupid. _Of course _it was the pictures. I'd caved in when Brook was asleep, and dug out the chevron-printed photo box in the back of my closet. I laid out all the pictures, and one-by-one, and went through them all.

The picture from the Disney Cruise we'd taken in 10th grade. The road trip we took the summer before 8th. Us sitting on her fence, in 7th grade. Her blond head was leaning on my shoulder. _I remember that. _It was when she found out _he _had a girlfriend. She'd shown up to my door, crying. "He...h-he..." She started, which I immediately understood, and let her fall into my arms. My mom must've taken that picture in secret.

Anyway, memories invaded my mind without invitation. The way she always smelt like Vanilla and pretzels. The way she used a pomegranate lotion I'd grown to love. The way she'd worry about how her hair fell. The way she laughed. The way she breathed. They way she _everything'd. _After pathetically crying for a few hours, I'd wiped my face and shoved the box back into hiding.

But now, Brook's watching The SpongeBob Movie with toast and a cup of tea. I'm on my IPad, emailing potential clients.I was hitting send, when Brook spoke. "Mama?" She says, her voice filled with despair. My heart shakes.

"Yes, baby?"

She coughs. "Will you tell me about your friend?" I flinch, and swallow. My head starts pounding. I close my eyes.

"Uh...sure. W-what do you want to know?" I ask shakily. Brook shrugs. I open my mouth and close it several times, before finally finding my voice. "Well...I met her in 6th grade. Right away, we became friends. We did everything together. We had dance parties, and sleepovers, and trips and vacations. She's...she _was_ the best friend I've ever had." My voice cracks. Brook nods thoughtfully.

"What's her name?"

I swallow again. "She's...her name's..." I sit on my palms. I take a deep, deep breath, and open my mouth again. "Hanna. Her name's Hanna. Hanna Eleanor Marin." I whisper, my voice breaking.

"That's a pretty name!" Brook says after a moment. "What's she like?"

I think. "She's...amazing, Brookie. I can't even tell you. She's gorgeous, and funny, and smart, and sassy, and thoughtful, and social, and outgoing. She'd go along with your crazy ideas, and always be a shoulder to cry on. She's just like you...actually. You'd like her. She's..._amazing_." I say, feeling my eyes well.

"Those are a lot of adjectives." Brook says slowly. I chuckle.

"Yeah." I murmur. I hear her giggle slightly. I smile at the sound. We were silent for a few moments.

"Mommy...if she was amazing..." Brook begins, and I nod. "...then why isn't she here? Why have I never met her? Because I think I'd like her also. She sounds awesome." A small, guttural sound escapes my throat. I have to take steadying breaths. I see _his_ face in my mind. The way he...smirked at her. The way he looked at her when I'd..._no_. I _cannot_ fucking think about that. I finally speak, in a puny whisper.

"Well, Brookie...Hanna's not here because a very..._mean_ man took her away." I see Brook cock her head.

"Like a bad guy? Like The Joker?" She says, coughing again. I sigh.

"No, baby. Like a...man. A terrible, evil man. Worse than the Joker. He's..." I try to say his name, but can't force it out of me. "He's bad, Brook. I hope you _never_ have to deal with people as bad as him."

* * *

Brook puked in the car. Her doctor's office is about 35 minutes from our house, and is in the heart of Philly. I had to pull off and clean her up before we drove the rest of the way. She's just moaning, as she lays in my arms. She has her tiny arm slung over her face, and keeps complaining about the light bothering her. There's 7 other parents in the waiting room, 5 moms and 2 dads, all holding or entertaining sick kids. They all look as tired as me.

As a girl named Ava is called, I hear the door open around the wall. And for some reason, I shiver. I hear whispers, of a man. I furrow my brow.

"No, sir I'm sorry. No walk-ins welcome. Also, this is a pediatrician." I hear a tired-sounding nurse say to the man. I hear a grumble of something. Another shiver slips down my spine. "Maybe try an urgent care...or maybe even an ER. Those injuries look pretty serious." The nurse says. A sigh emerges.

"They're not that bad. She's just a bit sensitive." The chuckling voice says. I hear the nurse titter uncomfortably. I pop open my eyes.

"No." I whisper. Blood pounds in my ears.

"Well, are you _sure_...you don't have a room open?" I hear the voice say again. Bile rises in my throat. I barely register Brook asking me if I'm okay. _No. No no no. No fucking way. No. No! _

My head pounds like a drum. "Oh my..." I say, before laying Brook across the cushioned chair. "M-miss?" I say shakily to a young looking mom, sitting with a young boy. She looks up and nods. "C-could you watch my daughter for a...second? I need to run to my car and she's super sick." I say, hopefully sounding convincing.

"Of course." She says sweetly. I kiss Brook's forehead briefly, before walking to the end of the wall, and slowly peeking around the corner. I yelp quietly. _Oh my fucking God, _no. I see his telltale shaggy brown hair. He's standing beside...someone. She's wearing dirty-looking sweatpants, and a grey sweatshirt.

_Oh my fucking God. _It's..._my _sweatshirt. It said.._says_, Hollis across the front in large font. Except now it looks bulky and ill-fitting. He has his hand clamped around her upper arm. I can tell she has sunglasses on. He sighs. "Well, babe, do you think you can handle it? I know you're strong. I'll do what I can...okay?" He says, in such a sickly-sweet voice it makes we want to puke. She nods quickly. Like she's..._obligated._

I hear him mutter to the nurse, and he turns around. First, he doesn't see me, then his eyes drift to the wall I'm against.

Emotions cross his face.

First disbelief, then shock, then anger. He glares at me. I try to glare back, but I can't move. Before anything can happen, the girl beside him freezes. I visibly see her hands quiver. The motion causes the sunglasses to shift in her nose bridge and fall. As they clatter to the ground, she never averts her eyes from me. I'm not breathing. My palms are leaking.

I look at her face.

Her peachy skin is discolored and scarred. There's a bruise cascading down the left side of her face, and another from her right eye to her ear. Her lip's fat, and her hair's matted and knotty. While her appearance is..._different_, the one thing that has barely changed are her blue eyes.

And when I say barely, that's exactly what I mean. They have the same shape, and color. But the light is gone. There are deep scars and monsters hiding in the blueness, ready to jump out and scare you.

First, He's frozen. Then, before I could say _blue,_ he's crashing over the sunglasses and bolting out the door, violently dragging her with him. I have to shake myself out if my catatonic-ish state. I lunge through the door after him, and gain several odd glances. I can tell she's having trouble keeping up with him, and she's limping. He sprints across the parking lot, to a dark Volvo.

As he struggles to unlock it, I see her stop. He looks at her. _Get in the car_. He mouths, and I see her eyes. She looks trapped. Feral, almost. She's trapped between me and him. I look at her. She glances right, then left. He glares at her. "Hanna...get in the fucking car," he spits through gritted teeth. Finally, she kisses both of her palms, and folds her hands into a heart shape, and looks through it with her right eye.

My heart falls to my feet. I return the gesture shakily. She smiles a bit, before trudging to the other side of the car, opening the door and sitting inside. I hear him say something to her. As the car starts and begins to book out of the lot, my throat finally opens.

"_Hanna_!" Is the only thing that I can force out of my mouth. "I love you." I whisper pathetically. But, as the car turns, I look at the license plate. I swallow and repeat the digits to myself. I fall to my knees. Sobs leave my throat. I try to remember the feeling of her hand holding mine. The thing that happened at the party in college. The way she'd laugh. And cry. And sing and dance in her socks, sliding around on the hardwood.

But I can't remember any of that. I can just remember the way she _just_ looked at me. The way she had silently pleaded _help me. Help me, Emily. Please. _The way he yanked her out the door.

I finally get my shit together, and wipe my eyes. I stand up, and glance around. Nothing. I sigh and walk back into the building, silent and hot tears sliding down my cheeks again.

If it wasn't for Brook, sitting in the waiting room with a stranger, I'd chase after that car. I'd hunt it down right now and wrestle him to the ground. I'd call the cops, and they'd arrest him. They'd throw him in a cell, and I'd see her again. I'd smile with her and laugh with her and play with her and sing with her and cook with her again.

If it wasn't for my sick daughter, I'd that beautiful blond in my arms and never let go.

* * *

**Dun Dun Dunnnnn! So sorry about the delay, a crap-ton of crap has been going on in my life. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Since the reviews have been awesome, I'm assuming you do! And, since you all rock, here's a teaser for the next chapter: Emily's been shaky and unfocused since her run-in with the love of her life. She's struggling to cope, but when Brook brings home more than just an art project from school, a black tunnel just may become a little less black.**

**Much love, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Much love, Ella. :):):):):):):) **


	6. Receipt

**READ ME! **

**Hey guys. So I got the news that right after I posted yesterday's chapter, my father passed away. He's been horribly sick since I was 7, so it was expected, but of course it doesn't make the loss any less difficult. I'm going to try to post as much as I can to take my mind off of his death. Writing really makes me happy, and so do reviews of course. Anyway, just thought you should all know. :)**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_Emily's doorbell shocked her out of her writing. She jumped, and dropped her pen on the floor. She sighed, and stood up. Before she put away her moleskin journal, she glanced at the poem she wrote. _

**Hanna Marin. 4 syllables. 3 N's. 2 words. 1 name.**

**The love of my life. The holder of my heart, soul, and mind.**

**The blond beauty. The blue-eyed angel.**

**The funny, wonderful, gorgeous, adventurous, smart person.**

**The one who is oblivious to my ever-burning love for her.**

**The one who is teasingly flirtatious, **

**and has no idea what her touch does to me. The one who's smile**

**lights up the sun. The one who's laugh sets fire to the **

**rain. The one I want to have and to hold. The one I want to love**

**and hug. The **_**only**_ **one I want. The only one I **_**need**_**. **

**Hanna Marin. 4 syllables. 3 N's. 2 words. 1 name. **

**The love of my life. **

_Emily scoffed loudl_y. Chessy. Cheesy chessy chessy. _She'd tried to be original, but obviously, it didn't work. She used the phrases she absolutely tried not to. _The holder of my heart. The love of my life. The only one I want. _She didn't realize what she wrote until the ink was embedded on the paper._

_The doorbell rang again. She shook her head, closed the book, and hid it in the broken vent behind her bed frame. She wiped her clothes and walked down the stairs. She twisted the doorknob, and heat invaded the AC-ridden house. She gasped in surprise. _

_Hanna was standing on her doorstep, clad in a tiny bikini, and holding a beach bag. "Hey, Em!" She cried joyfully, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. Emily couldn't respond. Hanna's bare skin pressing into Emily's made her shiver to much to hug the blond back. _

_She looked Emily up and down. "Wanna go swimming? The lake is empty!" She said, jumping excitedly. Emily sighed. No, she didn't really want to go swimming, in close to nothing, with the _love of her life, _as the poem said. But with the lost-puppy look Hanna was giving Emily, she found a _sure _slipping past her lips. _

_Hanna squealed. "Yay! Let's get you ready, babe!" Emily closed her eyes. _There we go again, with the babe. _In the past month, Hanna had called Emily _babe, hot stuff, hottie, cutie, gorgeous, _and_ _many more. _

_And each time it made Emily's heart soar and fall at the same time. _

_Hanna pulled Emily up the stairs into her room. Within what felt like seconds, Hanna had yanked off Emily's wife-beater, and was rifling through her closet to find a bathing suit. _

_"Hanna!" Emily cried, trying to cover her now-exposed boobs. Hanna turned. _

_"What? We're both girls. Now take off those shorts, dude!" Hanna said, returning to her searching. Finally, she pulled out a tiny white bikini, with a pattern of pineapples scattered across it. "Here." She tossed the pieces to Emily. _

_"Are you insane? This is tiny!" Emily said, gaping at the material. _

_Hanna rolled her eyes. "Who cares? Now, strip!" _

_Emily sighed in defeat. She slowly pulled of her shorts, and threw on the bikini quickly._

_Hanna looked at her. Emily blushed. "Damn..." Hanna said, her eyes getting stuck on Emily's boobs. _

_Emily smirked. "Like what you see?" She said, spinning around and slowly walking to the linen closet. Hanna didn't move as Emily grabbed a blue towel and sunscreen. Finally, Hanna spoke. _

_"Where's your mom?" She whispered, a look in her eyes that Emily couldn't quite place. Emily barely heard it. _

_"With her friends. Why-" Emily was cut off. By Hanna. More specifically, but Hanna projecting herself forward, and recklessly crashing her lips into Emily's. It felt like someone stuck a firework in Emily's mouth and lit it. Hanna's lips felt like a mix of rose-petals, silk, and clouds. After a few moments, Emily melted into Hanna's mouth. The blonde's mouth moved expertly against Emily's. Hanna's hands pressed against Emily's abs. The dark-haired girl tangles her fingers into the blond's soft tresses._

_Hanna traced Emily's jawline with her lips, and gently sucked on her pulse point. A moan escaped Emily's mouth. "God." Emily whispered. Than, all at once, Hanna pecked Emily's lips again, and pulled away. She put her bag on her shoulder, and started for the door. July stood there, gaping. _

_Hanna was halfway down the stairs, when she yelled up "Em! You coming?" Emily touched her lips. Her biting her tongue shook her out of her catatonic state. _

_"Y-yeah..." She responded, grabbing her towel. As they walked to the lake, Hanna chatted about the cruise they were going to take in a few weeks. Emily kept touching her lips. Hanna pretended she _hadn't _just ruthlessly kissed Emily. Or given her a hickey. Or stared at her boobs. Or _kissed her_. _

_But Emily couldn't even stop touching her lips. _

_So while Hanna pretended it never happened, Emily focused on it happening _again_. _

* * *

Seeing Hanna again stirred up a bunch of memories in my brain.

At least Brook feels fine now, so I don't have to worry. She's been running around, and being Brook again. But, one thing she keeps doing, is pointing out _every_ blond we see. She says "Mommy! Lookie lookie! Is that Hanna Marin?" "Is she Hanna Marin?" "Look Mama! Hanna Marin's over there!" And things to that effect. Each time, I look, but I know after the doctor's office, I won't see her again. Each time, I say "No, baby. That's not Hanna." "Hanna's not here."

She also asked me to give her a picture of Hanna. She said it's so she won't "forget what she looks like". First, I'll admit I was skeptical. Then I thought _why not_. I gave her Hanna's 12th grade school photo, and she took it with glee and taped it her favorite notebook, the one she takes everywhere. Everyday, she asks me if I found Hanna yet. Or if she gets to meet her yet. And each time I have to tell her a blonde isn't Hanna, or she doesn't get to meet her, or that I haven't found her, my heart crumbles a bit more.

"Ms. Fields? This is Barbara Lake, from Mitchell Elementary School. Brook is in the office." The over-cheery voice alerts me. I drop my notebook, and Panic settles in my stomach.

"What? Is she okay? Is she in trouble? Do I need to come there?" I say quickly, already beginning to grab my purse and pack up.

"She's fine, but she is in a bit of trouble with her teacher. It would be best if you came, but her emergency contact can come in your place." She tells me calmly. I grab my lunch box, standing up and speed-walking out of my office. I clock out in record time, and find my car in the parking lot.

"No, I'm on my way. I'll be there soon." I tell her, before hanging up, backing out of my parking space and onto the main road. I take 1 freeway exit, and pulling into the parking lot of Brook's elementary school. I grab my purse, and lock my door. I get buzzed into the building, and walked right to the office, passing a 4th grade class walking in line. A red-headed girl waved. I waved quickly back.

I walked into the main office, and saw Brook sitting on the bench, with her backpack next to her and tears on her cheeks. She looked up. "Mommy!" She says, standing up. I hug her. The Principal walks out of her office.

"Hello, Ms. Fields." She says, smiling. Brook hides behind my leg, like she's scared of the principal.

"Hey. So, what's up?" I say, and she sighs.

"Brook, why don't you tell her?"

Brook whimpers. I get down to her level. "Brooklyn, what happened?" I ask her seriously. She looks up.

"Well Momma, I was in art class. And Ms. Ashley said we could draw anything. So I was drawing Hanna Marin. And when Ms. Ashley came over to my table, she asked me what I was drawing. So I said, 'I'm drawing my other mommy. Her name's Hanna Marin. She's just like me. And she's amazing. Hanna Marin was taken away by a mean, mean man. Worse than the Joker.' Then, Ms. Ashley got really upset, and started to cry. She had to go to the office, and the gym teacher had to watch us. I dunno why." Brook explains. I think a moment.

"Then why are you here?" I ask her, confused.

"Because, I left my classroom. I wanted to find Ms. Ashley and ask why she was sad, and try to make her feel better. Ms. Jersey said I can't leave the classroom, but I did. Are you mad?" She whispers. I shake my head.

"No, baby. You definitely shouldn't have left class, but you were trying to be nice." I say, trying to understand why her art teacher was upset. Did she not like gay people? But that would just make her angry, not sad.

Suddenly, a puzzle piece fits into place. As I'm about to voice this, a red-headed woman walks into the office. Her eyes are puffy. She looks at me. Then Brook. Then at me again. We share a look for a few beats. Brook seems confused.

"_Emily_?" She says finally. I nod.

"_Ms. Marin_?

* * *

"So...how've you been?" I ask awkwardly, fiddling with my coffee cup. She sighs.

"I...I've been okay." She shakes her head. "How've you been?"

I think. How _have_ I been? I lost the love of my life to a dickhead, I had a daughter, I bought a house, I got a job. I _saw_ the love of my life again. "Fine." I settle on. She nods.

"I see you've had a daughter." She notes. I smile.

"Yeah. Brooklyn. I love her so much." I say, smiling again. I can tell Ms. Marin has a question, but doesn't want to ask it. I know what that question is, too. And I don't want to answer it.

"So I see you're out do the banking business. Art teacher, huh?" I say, chuckling. She chuckles too.

"Yep. The bank just...wasn't for me anymore." We're silent. "What do you do?"

I take a sip. "I'm a real estate agent."

"Really?" She says, surprised. I nod. "Never pictured you in a business like that." I take a breath. "I only did it because of the...because of Brooklyn. When I got pregnant, I knew I needed something that pays well and that would get me through college fast. I actually found out I like the business, oddly enough." She nods thoughtfully.

We're stuck in an awkward silence. Then, finally she speaks.

"Okay, screw this small talk. What do you want to know?" She says. I try to feign innocence. It doesn't work.

"Okay...Hanna." I say simply. She takes a breath.

"What about her?"

It's my turn to take a breath now. "Do you...is there any way to...contact her?" I say, trying not to well up again.

She sighs. "I know of one." She bites her lip. "She contacted me once. She said she was on...Caleb's old phone that she found. She told me I can only call her on Tuesdays and Saturdays, and only between 2 and 3. I'm not sure why." My heart pounds at the sound of _his_ name. I'm surprised she can say it. I look down.

"Do you...have that number?" I whisper pathetically. She sighs again.

She doesn't say anything. She grabs a receipt from her purse, and a pen, she scribbles a number on the paper, and then the letters _Tues_ and _Fri_. _Between 2-3. _I smile at her. I pocket the extremely valuable paper. "Thanks." I say in a small voice. She smiles, and stands. She bends down and surprisingly, hugs me.

She whispers in my ear, "I can't ask to a better person to love her." With those 10 words, she straightens her purse, and walks away. I bite my tongue. I glance at the receipt, and then stand and quickly shuffle away. I shiver in excitement when I realize it's only Thursday. I can call her tomorrow. As I get into my car, one thing ribbons through my mind.

_Hanna. Hanna Hanna Hanna._

* * *

**Sorry about the short and crappy chapter. Like I said above, I'm mourning and tired as hell. So, I didn't put a lot of effort into editing this. Anyway, love you all and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**Chapter 3 teaser: I bite my tongue. **_**Should I do this? **_**I can't stop myself from allowing terrible scenarios to float through my mind. She could tell me she hates me. She could say I can never call her again. Would it be better to just try to forget her? Or to call her, and either fix things, or break up completly again? This could go good, this could go terribly. Before I can decide or even think about deciding, I'm pressing the numbers, in which I'd memorized. I shakily put the receiver to my ear. It rings...once...twice...three times. By the time I get to 7 rings, I decide to just hang up. Then, as I move the phone away, I hear a **_**click, **_**and a soft, melodic, and scared voice. "E-Emily?" **


	7. Phone Calls Can Be Scary

**Hey guys! So your reviews have really been helping me through this time. Special shoutout to:**

** : Don't worry, Hanna and Emily with come face to face soon. Hanna and Brook will come face to face soon. And thank you for being so loyal to this story. **

**Xoxo(guest):You've been great also. Thank you times 7883**

**Punkin5700: aww thanks, that means a lot, especially coming from a great writer like you :):):):)**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

"Mommy,will you tell me another story about Hanna Marin?" Brook says as I dry her off with a pink towel. I chuckle a bit.

I'd been floating on the tips of my feet the rest of Thursday, smiling at all my clients and making jokes with my employees. I'd called Spencer, who'd been away on business, on my lunch break. She even asked me what I was so happy about. I didn't want to tell her, because, in all honesty, I want Hanna to myself. Once I brought her back to me, I'd tell Spencer. And if Hanna was ready, they could talk. I didn't want to reveal my true plan...yet, anyway.

Brook and I sang Selena Gomez in the car, Hanna's favorite. We went to the upscale sushi place, Hanna's favorite. We went and got strawberry milkshakes, Hanna's favorite.

And each place we went, I fantasized that next time we came, Hanna would occupy the 3rd chair. Hanna and Brook will laugh and chat, and I'd take pictures of them being cute together and make it my phone wallpaper.

Anyway, we'd gone home and I just finished giving Brook a bath."A story? What kind of story?" I ask as I pull her pajama top over her head. She thinks.

"Tell me about her! And I don't mean with adjectives. Like...did you guys go anywhere together? Like a park?" She says. I chuckle again.

"Okay. When you get into bed, I'll tell you about the cruise we took in 10th grade." Brook's eyes get very wide.

"A _cruise_? You guys went on a _cruise_?" She says dreamily. I nod.

"Yep. And I'll tell you all about it. But, first we have to get you into bed young lady." I say, gently tickling her ribs. I brush out her dark hair, and give her a mug of milk. While she's the most mature kid I've ever met, she still likes milk to go to bed.

Once she gets under her covers, I sit beside her. "Her mom took us." I begin, already smiling. Brook sits up.

"Ms. Ashley took you guys on a cruise?" She asks. I nod again. I'd explained to her that Ms. Ashley was Hanna's mom. She got really excited and asked if she gets to meet Hanna yet. Her enthusiasm is amazing.

"She did. It was a Disney cruise. You would've loved it, Brookie. You could eat lunch with the princesses, and swim in a Mickey-Shaped pool. There were water slides, and games, and hot tubs. We got to go to the Bahamas, and train Dolphins for a day." I say. And it's true. We got to surf them, and feed them and make them jump through hoops. I'll never forget the way Hanna smiled when she saw the gentle creatures. Her face lit up, and she squeeled and crushed me into a hug.

"I _love_ you Emily! Oh my _god_!" She cried, welling up. Ashley and I had kept it a secret from her, and it was well worth it to see her face.

"Dolphins? _Oooooh_, I _love_ dolphins!" Brook says tiredly.

"It was amazing." I say, my voice detached from reality.

I keep talking, more to myself than to Brook. I of course leave out what happened in the Sauna, because I don't think I'm ready to talk about that. Let alone to a 7 year old.

I talk until I hear her breathing slow and see her eyes slide closed. I kiss her forehead, and turn out the light as I leave. After I shower and get into pajamas, I get into bed. As I lie there, I think of what I'm going to say to Hanna tomorrow. Slowly, carefully, my smile disappears.

I realize something. A lightbulb in my mind gets turned on.

Hanna could possibly not answer. Even worse..._he_ could answer. He could get mad at Hanna for some stupid fucking reason, and I'd be putting _her_ in danger.

I put my hands to my face. I've been ecstatic about being able to call her, when really I should've just been worried.

* * *

I've been debating about calling her all day. Obviously, I want to. I want to more than anything. But, I also don't want to put her in danger.

I've been detached and distracted all day. I keep glancing at the clock, swallowing thickly when the time reaches closer to 3. My co-workers probably think I just want the day to be over. But no, I want it to be 3 so I can possibly call the love of my life, and get her back into my arms, and so my daughter can meet the one she's obsessed over for a week.

But I can't exactly say that.

Finally, 3 rolls around. I put my head in my hands. I groan loudly. I wish I could just _call_ _her_, and not worry about her possibly getting beaten. I put my head down.

"Ms. Fields, are you okay?" I hear Jeff's voice above me. I look up. He's holding a box, and has a concerned look on his face. I nod.

"Y-yeah. I just...have a headache." I say, waving my hand. He smiles.

"Go take a walk. Get some air." He says, smiling. I nod, and smile back. I grab my purse and walk out of the office, sighing.

I walk around the parking lot. I unlock my car, and sit the passenger seat. I glance at the clock. _3:17. _Before I can stop myself, I'm frantically reaching for my phone. I unlock it, and stare at the picture of Brook from her 7th birthday party. She's wearing a rainbow striped dress, and has a white flower headband on her head. She's on a white background, with heart-shaped balloons behind her. Each balloon is a different color of the rainbow. She's smiling brightly, and is holding a large white number 7.

I smile, then unlock the screen and open the green phone app.

I bite my tongue. _Should I do this? _I can't stop myself from allowing terrible scenarios float through my mind. She could tell me she hates me. She could say I can never call her again. Would it be better to just try to forget her?

This could go good, this could go terribly.

Before I can decide or even think about deciding, I'm pressing the numbers, in which I'd memorized. I shakily put the receiver to my ear.

It rings...once...twice...three times. By the time I get to 7 rings, I decide to just hang up. Then, as I move the phone away, I hear a _click, _and a soft, melodic, and scared voice.

"E-Emily?"

I nearly drop the phone. Her voice is quiet, and I hear shifting on the end.

While I'd seen her, I haven't heard her voice for more than 5 years. It's refreshing.

"Em...I know you're there. Talk to me. Please." I hear her whisper desperately. I swallow.

"Hey, Han." I whisper back. We're silent for a moment.

"So...h-how are you?" Hanna says after a moment. I have to close my eyes. Just hearing her voice is doing odd things to my heart.

"I'm...okay." I say slowly. "How are you?" I punch my leg. _That was a stupid fucking question. _

She sighs. "Em, you know me better than anyone. So I'm not even going to _try_ to sugar-coat this. I'm shitty. I'm terrible." I feel my eyes well.

"Han, I'm sorry. I wish I could do something about it. I hate you being hurt." I say truthfully. She giggles a bit. _I missed that. Holy shit, I almost forgot how adorable she is. _

"Anyway, what's going on in the life of Emily K. Fields?" She says in a fake British accent. I bust out laughing. She chuckles sheepishly.

"Not much..." I say, debating again if I should tell her about Brook or not. I don't want to scare her. She laughs again.

"I don't believe that for a second. Come _on_, tell me!" She says, in that begging voice she clearly still possess. I sigh.

"Well, I went to college. Obviously. You were there." I say, internally smacking myself.

"So...you went to college to be a teacher. Are you a teacher?" She says, and then I hear a loud, drawn out noise.

"Han? What was that?" I say, fearing the worst.

"Huh? Oh...that. It was just my stomach. Anyway, so are you a teacher?" She says, rushed. I swallow again.

"Are you hungry?" I ask gently. I hear a sniffle. She speaks in a thick voice.

"No. Well...yeah, a little bit." She says, in a tone of voice that lets me know she's fiddling with her hair.

"Han, why don't you eat?" I say to her. She sniffs again.

"I can't." She says in a quiet voice.

"Why? Han, are you sick?" I say, worry flowing through my veins.

"No. I _can't_ eat, Emily. He does...bad things to me if I eat his food. I can only eat when he _gives_ me food. Like most of the time I get a bowl of dry cereal or a sandwich. On Holidays, he lets me have soup and meat. I get half a cookie on my birthday." He says, despair riddled through her voice. Tears ride down my cheeks.

"Han..." I say, unable to form words.

She chuckles uncomfortably. "No. It's fine. I don't deserve food anyway." She says, muttering the last part. I widen my eyes.

"Huh? What'd you say, Hanna?" I say, trying not to break down again.

"Nothing. So, you never answered me. Are you a teacher?"

I exit the car, probably looking like Pinocchio. Strings holding me up. But instead of my nose being long and awkward, it's bright pink.

I feel like a deflated, yet still gorgeous balloon. After we'd talked for about 15 more minutes, I heard a slam, and Hanna gasped. "Em-Emily, I have to go. _Now_." She said, in a panicked tone of voice. I heard shuffling and _his_ voice say something inaudible.

"C-can I call you again?" I asked quickly.

There's a pause, and I'd worried I had made a terrible mistake.

"Please do, Emily. Love you." She said quickly, before clicking off. I dropped the phone into my lap, put my face in my hands, and sobbed. Just sobbed. I feel like I've been sobbing every day since Brook was born.

Because I pretty much have.

"Hi Mommy! Have you found Hanna Marin?" Brook asks as she bounds from the living room.

I shake my head. She sighs."Hey, Brookie, cheer up. How was your day?" I ask monotonously.

She then smiles widely. "It was great! Ms. Ashley was real nice to me, and I gave her a drawing I made of Hanna Marin! It made her real happy." She says, joyfully. I manage a smile.

"That's really nice of you." I say. She looks proud. She then tramps to the kitchen to pack up her stuff, and I sit beside Spencer on the couch.

"She really wants to meet Hanna..." Spencer says absentmindedly.

"Her other mommy." I say quietly. Spencer perks up at this.

"Other mommy?" She says, surprised. I nod.

"That's what Brook's taken to calling her." I say "Every time we go out, she points out every blonde we see. 'Mommy, is that Hanna Marin? Is Hanna Marin over there?' It hurts. She looks so hopeful." I say, wiping away tears again.

She nods. "I know, Em." She opens her arms, and I fall into them.

"I-I-I just want her safe!" I wail. "H-he's not even f-f-feeding her!" I say, then instantly regret it.

"What? How do you know?" Before I can respond with a lie, she sighs. "You spoke to her. You got the number to call her on and you called her. Today." She says, with no emotion. I sigh. I always wonder how she does that. Read people like magazines. I nod miserably. She sighs again.

"I'm sorry, Em. I know how you feel about her." Spencer says.

"Who? How do you feel about who?" Brook interjects. I sigh.

"_Ooh_! Are you guys talking about Hanna Marin? Becaue mommy loves Hanna Marin! Auntie Spencer, did you know that Hanna Marin is my other mommy? She got taken away by a mean, mean man. Worse than the Joker! _And_, mommy said Hanna Marin is beautiful, funny, smart, adventurous, and about a billion other adjectives! Hanna Marin is just like me too! Auntie Spencer, have you ever met Hanna Marin?" Brook rambles, gesturing furiously. My heart tugs at each mention of her name. Spencer just gapes at her.

"Hey, Brookie, do you have your stuff packed? Go get your bag." I say quickly, grabbing my purse and stumbling toward the door. Spencer grabs my arm.

"Emily, stay strong. I know you love her." She says, before Brook comes back.

"Ready, mommy? Are we gonna get ice cream again? And listen to Seena Gomez?" She says, putting on her backpack. I shake my head.

"Not today, Brookie. Let's go." I say, avoiding eye contact with Spencer.

I walk out the door, and Spencer looks at me like I'm a scared little girl in a thunderstorm.

Which, when I think about it, I am.

My name is Emily Fields, and I'm a scared little girl. Her name is Hanna Marin, and she's my thunderstorm. In my little, "perfect" world, Hanna Marin is a thunderstorm which will end soon, with a gorgeous rainbow. But, in reality, the thunderstorm won't end like that. It will either end in a steady drizzle, one of us being drenched, cold and sick, or one of us will be electrocuted.

* * *

**I know, I suck at endings, and I don't feel that great about this chapter, but meh. And I'm going to start giving you a little clip from the next chapter. So, here you go.**

_**She's **_**so** _**thin. Her arms and legs are like Popsicle sticks. She has hollow cheeks and bruises. Lots, and lots of bruises. Everywhere. There are marks and scratches. Welts and cuts. I can't see much skin, but all that I can see is discolored. She's shaking. She looks like wet paper, ready to tear and break at any moment. But beneath that weak and hurt exterior, I see Hanna Marin. Not, Bruised, Scarred, Traumatized Hanna Marin. I see Smart, Beautiful, Funny Hanna Marin. This is **_**not** _**Hanna Marin. This is a knockoff, created and in production by a monster. And I will do whatever I need to do to get the real Hanna Marin back**__._

**Love You All and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! -Ella :):):):):)**

**P. , _He_ is Caleb. Sorry that wasn't very clear. **


	8. Battered Prototype

_**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**_

* * *

_You weren't sleeping. You weren't sleeping but you were woken. You were woken from your thoughts, in a way. _

_You were worried beyond words. It was 1:31, and Hanna wasn't back yet. Automatically, you worried. _

_You were always worrying. _

_You worried if she was crying. You worried is she was late. You worried if she was angry. Or tired, or hungry, or _not _hungry, or mute. Or anything that's un-Hanna-like. _

_She stumbled in, and you heard her sniffling. You start to slowly roll over, and begin the "I'm about to be woken up" process, lying on your back and stretching upward. You hear Hanna sigh. _

_"Em, I know you're awake." She says, chuckling, but with tears in her voice. You sigh, feeling dumb. Hanna _always _knows. When your awake, asleep, sad, happy, angry, tired. _

_"Yeah. Are you okay?" You say gently. You hear more shuffling. Then loud sniffles again. _

_"Yeah. I'm okay...I just..." Hanna says, but trailing off and bursting into tears. Right away, you jump out of your bed, and wrap your arms around the shaking blond. _

_"What happened, baby? Talk to me." You says, no longer feeling self conscious about calling Hanna names like _baby.

_"He...he didn't sh-show up to the d-date. So I c-c-called him, a-and he didn't answer. So I waited a l-little longer, and he finally showed u-up. He was t-totally loaded. He started screaming and yelling, and everyone was looking at me, and when I suggested w-we go b-ba__ck to his a-apartment to t-talk, he..." She trails off. Only then do you notice a blistering red mark on Hanna's cheek. You gasp._

_"Hanna, he _hit _you?" You whisper, in disbelief and shock. Hanna's silence is enough of an answer. The silence echos in the dark room. _

_"He said h-he could find s-so much better than m-me. He stormed a-away, and I went and cried f-for a while, i-in the ice c-cream place. Then, when I-I went to his h-house, to apologize-" _

_You cut her off. "Hanna, _he _hit _you_, and you were going to apologize?" She nods meekly. You just sigh. Hanna has such a big heart. If someone ran over her new puppy, she'd apologize for letting him run to to the street. _

_"A-and when I got there..." She continues. She lets out a choked sob. "He w-was in bed w-with that chick I told you a-about." Your jaw drops. _

_"Oh, Hanna." You say, letting her hang onto you more. She smells faintly of strawberry milkshake. "Come on, honey. Let's get you ready for bed." She's crying so hard it's difficult to put her in pjs. She washes her face, and puts up her hair. You're getting her a glass of water when she speaks again. _

_"Em, lie with me. I need a cuddle buddy." She says, crying again. You nod quickly. You turn off the lights, and set the water on the nightstand. You crawl into bed beside her. She wraps her arms around you and buries her face into your neck. _

_"He's no good for you." You say, not wanting to upset her more than she already is. Surprisingly, she nods. _

_"I k-know. But E-Emily, I l-love him!" She says, and you bite your tongue. _

_"I know. But you need someone who will love you back. Someone who appreciates you. Your beauty, your smartness, your sweetness, your funniness, the fact that you have the biggest heart I've ever known to be on a real person. You need someone who gets that." _Like me. _You add silently. _Like me, like me, like me. _She turns over. _

_"You really mean that?" She says. You nod. _

_"I mean all that and more, Hanna. If someone is to blind to see that you are_ _those things, they don't deserve you." _

_She sobs, wrapping her arms around you. "I fucking love you so much, Emily Fields. You don't even know." Your heart soars. Your skin prickles with giddy emotion. _

_"I fucking love you so much too, Hanna Marin." _

_After the blond falls asleep in your arms, you quietly add, "more than you'll ever know." _

* * *

I'm not breathing.

I know I should be. I know I need to inhale and exhale. I know I need to breathe so I can be alive. I _want_ be alive, of course. But I'm shaking way to hard to breathe. _Get your shit together, Emily_. I mentally scold myself. I look up. But then I look back down. _It's just an apartment_. I hear my own voice in my head, and literally chuckle at myself.

Yeah, it's just an apartment. An apartment containing the love of my life.

From the outside, it looks totally normal. A welcome mat outside, a green plant on the porch. But if you look closer, or at least know what you're looking for, you'll see things. How the curtains are binded to the wall with something so they'll never flutter open. There's a blood-ish colored stain on the edge of the curtain. I nearly gag.

When Hanna and I had talked earlier, she said she was having hallucinations because her head hurt and she was so hungry. She was slurring her words, and that's when I had asked the address. Hanna doesn't deserve this shit. No one does. Except maybe _him_.

She'd shakily revealed the address in a hushed voice, so I went and picked up some crackers, some soup, a few apples, bread, and a case of water.

I dropped Brook at Spencer's house, because I obviously didn't want her with me when I did this. I close my eyes and lean my head on the steering wheel.

After a few minute, I sigh, and slowly sit up. Just looking at the house makes me imagine what kind of horror goes on inside. _Man up, Emily. _I think to myself, and I finally grab the cloth bag and leave the car.

As soon as take a step up the stairs to the apartment, I lose my confidence. "Well shit." I mutter to myself, when I see the curtain flutter, and I get the quickest peek of blue. "Nope." I say loudly, then stomp the rest of the way up. I then take a few breaths, and as I raise my fist to knock, the door flings open. At first, we just stare at eachother. Or rather, she stares at me, and I stare at her eyes. Not her bruises, her eyes. Then, slowly, I let my eyes wander.

She's so thin. Her arms and legs are like Popsicle sticks. She has hollow cheeks and bruises. Lots, and lots of bruises. Everywhere. There are marks and scratches. Welts and cuts. I can't see much skin, but all that I can see is discolored. She's shaking. She looks like wet paper, ready to tear and break at any moment. But beneath that weak and hurt exterior, I see Hanna Marin. Not, Bruised, Scarred, Traumatized Hanna Marin. I see Smart, Beautiful, Funny Hanna Marin. This is not Hanna Marin. This is a knockoff, created, and still in production by a monster. And I will do whatever I need to do to get the real Hanna Marin back_. _

"Hello, Emily." She says, smiling shyly. I smile back.

"Hello, Hanna." This is the first time I'm actually _seeing_ her, and talking. My words are choked.

"I know, I'm gross." She says, wrapping her frail arms around herself. My heart cracks a little bit.

"No, no-Han, you're not. You're beautiful. As always." I say, almost calling her _baby, _but refraining, because I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

She smiles shyly again and looks down. Only then does she notice the bag. Her eyes widen, and her shaking increases.

"W-w-what's th-that?" She says, fear in her gorgeous eyes. I cock my head, then put the bag down and move away from it.

"It's a bag of food and some water, Hanna. You said you were hungry." I say gently. Her shaking slows, but she's still hugging herself.

"O-oh." She says, in a tone of voice that tells me she's relieved. I can't even _imagine_ why a full bag scares her. Let alone have the stomach to ask.

"Y-you didn't have to do that." She says, and I smile.

"I wanted to. Should we eat?" I say, picking up the bag again. She nods, then looks behind her for a moment.

"Not here. Somewhere else." She says, shutting the door and looking at the window, like she's scared to leave. I smile at her again. I can't stop smiling.

"Let's go, Hanna. It's okay." I say reassuringly to her. She nods quickly, before slowly making her way down the stairs. I unlock my car and put the bag in the back. I bite my tongue. "Shit" I mutter. Brook's car seat is here. I don't want Hanna to see it. I panic, before just shaking my head. I'll figure _something_ out if she sees it.

I unlock Hanna's door, and she sits carefully, like she's walking on a mind field. She slowly shuts the door, and slowly buckles. She does everything slowly. I decide to join. I slowly put on my seatbelt, also. I slowly start the car. I slowly start driving.

"Uh...where exactly are we going?" Hanna says in a small voice. _Shit. Again. _I didn't think of that.

"How about..." I say, trailing off and thinking. Suddenly, she looks at me.

"How about...the Rainbow House?" She says, and I freeze. My heart lunges ahead.

"Wha-...really?" I stutter out, clutching the wheel. Hanna looks down.

"I mean, if you want too." She rubs her arm, then flinches and drops it to her lap. I assume she touched a bruise. Or something else.

I finally nod, and get my voice back. "Yeah. I'd...I'd love to." I say quietly, and she looks at me. My hands quiver.

"Em..." She starts to say, when a loud horn rattles through the car and we jump. She blushes and looks down like she's embarrassed. I press my foot on the gas, and make a few turns. I reach for the radio, then glance at Hanna. She nods and smiles, so I turn the dial a little bit, but still at a very quiet volume. She rolls her eyes, and reaches forward. She turns it twice around, and music ricochets through the car. I look at her, surprised. She smiles playfully.

As some pop song ends, an over-cheerful radio announcer joyfully says, "Now, give it up for Selena Gomez's new song!" Hanna and I share a look.

This was a good idea.

* * *

"Come on, Em. Something _must_ have happened. It's been awhile since we talked, obviously." I chuckle, albeit a bit uncomfortably. "Okay, you're a real estate agent. But what else? What's your house like? It must be odd living by yourself." She says, carefully eating another bite of soup. I look away. _Yeah, I love alone with my 7 year old daughter who absolutely adores you, Hanna. But I can't really say that. _

Earlier, Hanna had accidentally seen my screensaver of Brook, and I panicked a little bit, yet again. But, I just said it's my niece. I was very careful after that.

I avoid Hanna's eyes, but I smile as I look around.

When Hanna and I were in 7th grade, we found this abandoned house/shack in the woods. We spent 50 dollars at a thrift store, and decked it out. Hanna's neighbor was a painter at the time, so we got a can of each color of the rainbow from him for free, and painted the walls with rainbow stripes. (Hence the name, Rainhow House).

There was a card table that we painted red, 2 orange and yellow folding chairs, a pink bookshelf, a green and blue polka-dotted rug, and a large and ugly easy chair, with multiple purple blankets strewn over it. It was the most mismatched and horrid looking room, but we loved it to pieces. It's condition looks pretty good, considering how long it hasn't been inhabited.

"This is delicious. Thank you. I'm sorry you had to go to the trouble." Hanna finally says, ducking her head and blushing.

"No, it's not a problem, Hanna. I'll always bring you whatever you need. You know that." I say heartfeltly. She blushes more.

"Yeah. I love knowing that. I missed you, Emily." She says, chewing slowly. My heart trembles at her broken tone of voice.

"You don't even _know_ how much I missed you, Hanna. I cried, and thought about you so much." I almost say _I named my daughter after you, _but stop myself. She looks up.

"Really?" She says, seemingly amazed someone's caring about her. Anger boils in my stomach.

"Of course. Hanna, I love you." I say, wanting to grab her hand, but refraining. A tear rolls down her cheek.

"I love you too, Emily Fields. So fucking much." Hanna says, and my heart does 82 different things. It soars, breaks, glows, and about 79 others. She looks at me. I look at her. Slowly, carefully, she leans forward. I copy her motions, my heart speeding up rapidly. She gets so close to me I can taste the soup she just ate. And right as she closes her eyes and almost leans the rest of the way, a car swishes by on the main road, awfully loudly,mand she jumps backward, accidently knocking over her bottled water. She blushes profusely, and starts fumbling to get up.

"I'm...so s-sorry E-Emily. I don k-know where that c-came from. Can y-you take me...back to the a-apartment? Please." She says, trying to put her hood on for whatever reason.

"But, Hanna..." I whisper pathetically. She shakes her head.

"Please?"

I sigh, and nod. I pack up the food, and we walk to the car. We ride in silence, no music, no words. When we reach her house, well, _the_ house, she jumps out. "Thank you, Emily. We'll talk soon." She says, as she walks around the car. I roll down my window quickly.

"Hanna! One second, please." I say, hoping she'll respond. She freezes, looks left to right, then turns and walks back to my window. I motion her to come closer, and while she tenses, she does. I whisper something in her ear. 12 words, that _will_ come true. Not hopefully, they _will_. As I drive away to Spencer's to get Brook, the words hang in front of my face like curtains.

_Hanna, I'm getting you the fuck out of here. Soon. I promise._

* * *

**As always, thank you guys for the reviews! I feel like my chapters are going downhill a little bit, so I'll try to get them up again! Since ya'll are so awesome, here's a glimpse of what's to come. **

_**Brook looks up. Slowly, her eyes begin to widen and gleam with recognition. The blond smiles. The badly scraped knee is quickly forgotten. Brook has a perfect cross between dumbfounded, surprised, disbelieving, and ecstatic look on her face. After a few moments of them staring at eachother, Brook finally moves. She slowly gets out of my arms, and stares at Hanna. Within a blink of my eye, Brook's tiny arms are wrapped tightly around Hanna's shoulders. Hanna closes her eyes and hugs back with a smile on her face. "Hello, Brook." She whispers, love and adoration already in her voice somehow. **_

_**"Hello, Mommy." **_

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW and I'll see you all next chapter.~Ella **

**P.S, do you like the Hannily flashbacks at the beginning of the chapters? Let me know! :):):):)**


	9. Not All Heroes Wear Capes

**_Hey FanFic friends! So here's the long-awaited chapter. I really want to thank all of ya'll for your support with this. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Your reviews keep me going :) P.S, I wrote this at 3am, on my phone, in a bumpy car, so please pardon any mistakes. On that note...I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine._**

* * *

_"This is amazing." Hanna says, gazing over the rail and into the dark sea. You smile at her amazement. This was only your first night on the boat, and automatically you were in love. There's 14 decks, and in total, the length of the boat it longer then 2 football fields. Sure, you've watched Titanic and cruises scare the crap out of you. But the way Hanna's eyes lit up when you walked into the boat, alleviated your fear greatly. _

_Hanna's mom had gone to explore the many different nightclubs the boat offered, and told you both to walk around and be back to the room by 12. But it was almost 2, and you honestly didn't care._

_"It is. It's so pretty." You agree, joining her in looking over the rail. She looks at you and smiles. You smile back. Ever since what happened a few weeks ago-3 weeks, 4 days and a few hours to be exact-you hadn't been the Emily you and her were both used to. You'd been distant, and she definitely noticed. Hell, she notices everything. The way you breathe, the way you talk. _

_She knows you better than anyone. _

_You weren't mad at her. Obviously, because you wanted... _that _to happen, since you met her, basically. _

_In a way, you were scared of her. _

_You were also scared of yourself. You didn't think you'd be responsible for your actions if say, that was to happen again. You've avoided all contact with her, and you hated it. But you couldn't risk your arms brushing together, and her to feel the tingle that would shoot through you. Yeah sure, _she _kissed _you_. But that's beside the point. She'll never love you the way you love her. _

_As you lean over the rail, she grabs your hand. You try not to flinch. You also close your eyes, and focus on not hyperventilating. "I can't believe how lucky we are, to be doing this." She says, looking at you. You avoid her eyes. _

_"Yeah." You whisper, trying not to let your voice crack. _

_"_I'm _crazy lucky, too, you know." She says, rubbing her thumb over your arm. You swallow. _

_"Why?" You breathe. She giggles lightly. _

_"Because I have _you_, Emily. I really don't know what I would do without you. You're my world." She says, and even though you know she means it completely platonically, it sends happy shivers up your spine. You smile, and finally look at her. You try to stop tears from filling your eyes. _

_"Hanna, seriously, _you _are _my _everything. You make me laugh, and you're always there, and you're my therapist, and my personal comedian, and you're...you're my Hanna. I love you more than you'll ever know." You say, and Hanna just stares at you for a moment. Then, before you could even see them being formed, tears roll down her cheeks. She falls into your arms, and you stand there, shocked. _

_"E-Emily, you don't really m-mean that, do you?" She sobs, and you nod. _

_"I mean all that and more, Han." You tell her truthfully. She sobs harder. _

_"N-n one l-loves me the w-way you do, E-Emily. You mean everything t-to me." She says, and you slowly ease yourself to the floor, and you pull her into your arms. _

_"It's okay, Hanna. I'll always be there for you. No matter what. You need someone to ask about your outfit, I'll be there. You need to cry, or laugh, or vent, I'll be there. All you have to do is ask." You say, rubbing your fingers through her soft tresses. She draws invisible sketches on your bare leg. _

_You sit like that for a long time. She eventually falls asleep in your arms, and you smile at her. Her mouth is slightly agape, and her chest rises and falls rhythmically. You can't help my admire her beauty. _

_Your mouth opens, and before you can stop it, words are falling from your mouth. "I love you, Hanna. You don't get it, though. I love you as more than what you think. I want you, Hanna. All of you. I want to hold you, and kiss you, and touch you, and love you. But I want you to feel the same way. I want you to love me the same way I love you. I know you never will, though." You say, wiping your eyes. "And that's okay. I can handle it." You say, but truthfully knowing you can't. _

_By the time you see the _smallest _bit of sun over the horizon, you gently rub her arm. _

_"Hey beautiful, we should go to bed." You say, and she stirs. _

_"Oh...o-Kay..." She says, trying to stand up, and stumbling. You smile. When she's tired, she's practically drunk. She also doesn't remember a thing the next morning. You wrap your arm around her waist as you walk through the glass door. She leans her head on your shoulder. "I had a dream." She slurs. You smile again. _

_"Oh, yeah? What was it about?" _

_"Well...I was married. And, I had a daughter, and she was pretty. And we lived in a big house, and we went out for ice cream and sushi, and we all loved each other, and her...her name was River." She says, her head lolling. You chuckle, but feel a pang. She was married to _him. _You just know it._

_"Oh, cool. I like the name River." You say, waking out of the elevator to the 7th deck to get into your room. _

_"We were a cute family. And...and..." She trails off, and you pull out your key card. You open the door, and see Ms. Marin lying in her bed. She's reading a book. She gives you both a warning look and looks on the verge of a lecture, but you point to Hanna. "Hey, Mama..." Hanna says, her eyes half-closed. Ms. Marin shakes her head, and closes her book, turning off the lamp. She lies down. _

_"Okay, Han, let's get you into pj's." You say, and she sits on your guys' bed on the other side of the room. You slowly pull off her sundress, and open her suitcase. She yanks off her bra sleepily. You grab a soft purple shirt, and slide it over head. She pats your shoulder. _

_"Thanks, babe." She says, nearly falling over. You close your eyes, taking a few breaths. She crawls under the covers, and you put on your own pajamas, putting your hair in a ponytail. You crawl in beside her. She scoots over and wraps her arms around you. _

_"Hey, wanna know who I was married to?" She says, stroking your cheek. You bite your tongue. _

_"W-Who?" You stutter._

_She scoots in even closer, and before falling completely asleep, she whispers, "You." _

* * *

"Okay, you have her bag, her blanket, her pillow..." I count on my fingers. Spencer rolls her eyes.

"Yes, Emily. I have her bag, her blanket, her pillow, and her kitchen sink." The brunette says, chuckling at herself. I narrow my eyes.

"Smart ass." I mutter, and then snap my mouth shut when Brook bounds down the stairs.

"Mommy, with all due respect, you can go now." She says, clambering into Spencer's lap. I hold back a smile. She heard someone say that, and it's her new catchphrase. Other than, of course, _Did you find Hanna Marin yet?_ I feign hurt.

"Ugh, fine! You diva!" I say, flipping my hair. Brook giggles. Spencer laughs. I smile at them. I then get up and hug Brook. "Be good, Brookie. I'll see you Sunday evening, okay?" I kiss her cheek. She nods excitedly.

"Go unpack, Brookie, then maybe we'll get ice cream?" Spencer says, rubbing her large stomach.

Brook nods excitedly. "Ooh! Can I get a strawberry milkshake? Hanna Marin _loves_ those!" An uncomfortable look crosses Spencer's face, but she shrugs.

"Get whatever you want." Brook smiles widely. As she trots up the stairs, she blows me a kiss.

"When's Toby coming back?" I say, repositioning my purse. She smiles happily.

"Next week. I know he's just a few towns over, but I miss him." She says, fiddling with her grey maternity shirt. I smile for her.

"I'm sure you do." I say, honestly. Spencer and Toby are so in love, it's amazing. "Call me later, okay? And remember, you have to give Brook milk before she goes to bed, or she won't sleep..." Spencer holds a finger to my lips.

"Yes. I know. I have known her...oh yeah, all of her life." I nod reluctantly. I've never left Brook at someone's house for more than a night. It's the mom in me.

"Now, with all due respect, you can go now." Spencer says, imitating Brook. I laugh and playfully hit her shoulder. I wave as I walk out the door, and to my car. As soon as I sit down, I sigh. I didn't tell Spencer why I couldn't have Brook with me this weekend. Thank god she didn't ask.

I drive back to our house, and lock the car. As I walk in the door, I look around. There's toys here and there, and a blanket strewn messily over the couch, and dishes pile in the sink. I've been a bit..shall we say, preoccupied.

I take off my shoes, and before I can procrastinate, I pick everything up and put it where it should go, stubbing my toe several times. But I don't care. Mostly, my thoughts overcome my cleaning. As I pick up clothes, I think _Hanna. _As I do dishes, I think _Hanna. _As I breathe, I think _Hanna Hanna Hanna. _

I'm not sure what my exact plan is. I know I'm getting her away from that apartment, but that's it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go when _he _leaves for work, so he won't see me. When I talked to Hanna, she said he goes to work at 9. So I'll get her, and bring her back here.

Jesus Christ, this should not be so difficult.

Then again, it shouldn't be this way at all.

* * *

I didn't sleep. I'm running purely on adrenaline. And coffee. And of course, Hanna.

I'm also, _completely_ freaking out.

She could say she can't leave. She could say he'll come back. He _could_ come back. He could hurt her even worse if he found out I've been talking to her, let alone the fact that I'm about to _take her. _Consensually, of course_. _

Now, I'm pacing.

I wish she could just appear at the front door, and I didn't have to leave. Finally, I sigh. "Fuck it." I mutter, grabbing my purse. With shakily legs, I walk to the car, and slowly start it. "Let's do this." I get on the freeway, and start towards Philly. I change radio stations, desperately hoping for a Selena Gomez song, but to no avail. _Shit_.

By the time I get to the block of the apartment, I'm violently shaking. If Hanna's..._safety_ wasn't on the line, I wouldn't be scared at all. _Obviously_.

I sit in silence, accompanied by nothing but my own heavy breathing. Finally, when the clock on my dashboard reaches 9:45, I open the door. I don't see a dark Volvo anywhere, so that's a good sign. _You can do this, Emily._

I walk, albeit rather slowly, up the metal steps and to the door. I close my eyes and try to slowly my heart rate. _He's_ not here, so I don't know why I'm so scared. Finally, I knock lightly on the door. I hear shuffling.

"W-who is it?" That broken and beautiful voice sounds from the other side. I smile with relief.

"It's just me, Han." I say gently. I hear more shuffling, and gentle footsteps. The door slowly opens. Everything today is in slow motion.

She slowly walks out, still keeping one arm in the apartment door. Today she's wearing a dirty blue long-sleeved shirt, and the same sweatpants I saw on her, what feels like years ago.

"H-hi, Emily." She says, smiling a bit. I smile back.

"Hey...Han." I cringe, realizing I almost called her _baby_ again.

"W-what are you d-doing here?" She says. Not in an annoyed way. Just curious.

"Do you remember that promise I made you?" I say, trying to keep my voice steady. She thinks a moment, before her eyes widen.

"Y-you mean..." She says, tears welling in her eyes. I smile and nod.

"Only if you want to, though. I won't ask you to do something you don't want to do." I tell her truthfully. "So...do you want to?" I say sheepishly, looking down. She's silent, and I fear I've made a horrible mistake. Finally, she speaks.

"I...don't know what to say. I-I can't...live with you. I'd be a burden." She says, tracing a bruise on her arm. I shake my head quickly, but she keeps speaking. "I couldn't ask you to do that for me."

"You're not asking. I'm offering." I say, wanting to hug her more than anything. She looks up at me, glassy-eyed.

"B-but..." She looks torn. Like she wants to come with me, but is scared. Scared of what? I don't know. Well, actually I have an idea, but can't also my brain to think it.

"Hanna, do you want to come back to my house?" I ask, gently again. Before I can say something else, she looks up and nods ever-so-slightly.

"So much." She whispers, and my heart feels like a broken egg being hurled through the air.

"Yay." I respond, and a smile fills her eyes and covers her face. "Is there anything you want to bring?" She thinks.

"Just a f-few things, if that's okay. D-do you have a...washing m-machine? I don't have a lot of clothes..." She rambles, and I cut her off.

"Hey, it's okay. Pack what you have or want, and we can clean it. Or, I can go get you new clothes?" I offer, and tears fill her eyes again.

"I...I..." She says, a mix of something in her eyes. I nod, and she shakes her head, a sad smile on her face. "You're a fucking angel, Emily Fields." She says, and I feel tears come to my eyes. As she glances behind her again-because she's still holding open the door a little bit, I feel words blooming in my throat, and before I can stop them, they fall out.

"I have a daughter." I say. She freezes. "I'm sorry, Hanna. I know I should've told you earlier, but I just couldn't. And...and I feel really bad right now because I'm sure you can't handle living with me and a kid...and yeah. I know it was a really dick move of me, and if you're mad, I completely get it." I rattle, and now tears are flowing freely down my cheeks. A sob escapes my throat, and Hanna just stands there. I was about to fall to the floor when I feel a soft, slightly trembling hand grab mine. I look up, and Hanna's smiling gently. You stare at eachother for a moment.

"Emily...I'm not blind. I saw the car seat. You're "niece" looked way to much like you. Also, you don't have any siblings." She says, smiling humorously. I blush and nervously look down.

"You're right. You're way to smart for that. But...are you mad?" I ask nervously, and she gently grabs my cheeks and pulls my head up. A million thoughts flash through my mind.

"No." She whispers, and I tremble. I think she feels it because she lets me go. My cheeks feel cold. "Will you wait out here?" She asks, and I nod quickly. She smiles and walks into the apartment, shutting the door. Before I can control it, I let out an accomplished squeal and pump my fist in the air, feeling tears-of joy now, brim at my eyes.

"Yay." I whisper, before claiming myself down. I keep a stupid grin on my face, though. Before I know it, the door opens again. Hanna's holding a plastic grocery bag in her hand, and the arm of a familiar sweater peeks out. I see a few other garments, and something that looks like a book at the bottom.

"Are you ready, Hanna?" I ask, holding out my hand to take her bag.

"Yeah. I'll carry it. That's fine." She says, and I nod. She shuts the door, and we slowly walk to the car. I unlock the door, and she sits inside, pulling the bag into her lap. I start the engine, and a low pop song files out of the speakers. She makes a face as she glances at the apartment as I pull into drive.

"Are you okay?" I ask, concerned. After a pause, she responds.

"I'm fine." I'm not convinced, but I nod.

"Okay, if you're sure. Tell me if anything's wrong...okay?" I ask, and she nods automatically. We drive for a few minutes in comfortable silence.

As we pull onto the freeway, I hear a voice. More specifically, _her_ voice. She's quietly singing along with the nearly-forgotten song in the radio. She's looking out the window, and doesn't notice my gaping. She can..._sing_. And I don't mean like she's a good singer. I mean she sounds like an angel, combined with any other variation of that adjective. Her voice fills my ears and my skin prickles.

Her voice is like a drug, I can't get enough of it.

Finally, the song ends. She looks at me, and I try to wipe the smile off my face. She speaks again, slowly grabbing my hand that was resting on the center console. "So, tell me about your daughter."

* * *

Her beautiful eyes are wide with amazement and wonder. She smiles lightly at the coloring book, left open and forgotten on the dining room table.

She looks briefly at the picture hung in the hallway of Brook, but looks away quickly. "So is that the couch I'll be sleeping on?" She says, gesturing.

My mouth drops open. "Han...you're not going to sleep on a couch. You have your own room." I say, my heart falling.

Her eyes widen. "What...do you mean? I couldn't sleep in my own room. I'll sleep on the couch or in the basement if you have one. It's where I belong." She says, looking down sheepishly.

My heart breaks, and my blood boils. He made her feel less than what she is. And I _hate_ him for it.

* * *

**So yeah. Long-ass chapter, so sorry about that. On a side note, Hanna's back with Emily. Yayyy! Also, I'd like to clear something up. Hanna is not Brook's biological mother. Emily gave birth to Brook, and Hanna and Brook haven't met yet. Don't worry, Brook's "dad" will be brought up soon. Love you guys and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I'll see you all very soon :):):):):):)**


	10. Humble Abode

_**Hello friends! So, here's the next chapter in this little story of mine. So, this is pretty short, but I'm going to update later today with part 2 of this chapter, because together, it was way to long. So, you won't have to wait that long ;) Anyway, most of this chaoter is a flashback, but whatever. I also wrote this on my phone, so please forgive me for any mistakes. **_

_**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**___

* * *

_"Do you want kids?" _

_It was an innocent question. You were in the Stateroom, painting your toenails. Hanna's mom was out, and the Spa had just closed. After they dried, you were going to walk around, doing whatever. You had a bottle of dark purple nail polish in your hand, and was brushing it over your toes when those 4 words glided out of Hanna's mouth. You froze._

_"W-what? Why?" You trip over your words. She shrugs, moving on to her next foot. _

_"I dunno. Just curious. Also, we're on a Disney Cruise. T__here are little kids everywhere." You force a chuckle out of your mouth. You also have _no_ idea why that question just sent shivers down your spine and made your fingers shake._

_"Oh. Well, I mean, maybe. I've never really thought about it." You say, semi-truthfully. Because you have thought about it. The only problem is you might be kinda-sorta-almost gay. Therefore, you can't exactly have kids the "normal" way. And you don't really want to have sex with a cup, let alone a guy you've never met. _

_"Huh." She says, nodding. "I do. Want kids, I mean." She says, blowing her foot. You bite your tongue. _

_"Any particular reason?" She shrugs again. _

_"No. I just do." She says thoughtfully. You're both silent for a moment. Then he speaks again. "Maybe _we_ should have kids." She says, and you nearly drop your polish. Your heart jumps in your chest, and nearly out your throat. _

_"W-w-what?" You stutter, unsuccessfully trying to keep your breathing even. _

_"Well, think about it. Yeah, I know we're both girls. But, we're already best friends, we're like an old married couple, you're hot, I'm hot, if we had kids, they'd be born really cute and grow up really hot." She says, continuing to paint her toes like nothing's happening. _

_"Y-yeah, w-well..." You say, feeling highly flustered. She looks up. _

_"Did I scare you? Emily, we're in tenth grade. I'm not saying we have to run off and elope or something. It's just a thought. But really, that would be awesome. We'd go out for dinner, and ice cream, and go to the park. That would be so freaking cute! I know it would have to happen some other way than what's considered normal, but who cares. We're not normal anyway." She says, finishing her toe-based masterpiece and shutting the bottle. _

_Your silent. She looks up at you. "Emily...what is up with you? A few weeks ago, you would've been rolling on the floor laughing at the thought of little mini Hanna's and Emily's running around. Are you sick or something? You've been acting...odd." She says, concern in her voice. You swallow, suddenly feeling like the walls are closing in._

_"I...uh..." You struggle for words. You want to scream _were you not there when you kinda...kissed me? Was that your evil twin sister or something? Because I _think_ that was you, Hanna! And I really want you to do it again, but I'm also scared shitless of you doing it again! _But you can't really do that. Not just because you're to scared, mainly because you're too...deprived of oxygen somehow. _

_"Are you mad? Please, Em. If I did something wrong, tell me." She says, tears in her voice. You're shaking. You're also unintentionally hurting her, and you're heart feels like it's 88 times to small for your chest. "Em? Are you okay? Answer me, babe. You look like you're about to faint." She says, walking to your side of the room. Blackness swirls in your vision. _

_"Em?" Her laying her hand over your's is finally what it takes to completely break you. A long-awaited sob escapes your throat, and you shoot up, bolting to the door and shakily and crazily undoing the lock. You fly down the hallway, ignoring weird looks, and Hanna's far-off calls of "Em! Emily, what's wrong?" _

_You take 2 stairs at a time, twisting your ankle twice. When you reach the top deck, you run to the semi-secret stairwell and to the top of the funnel. It's a tiny space, but it's awesome. It's occupied by only a few chairs and a table, and many passengers don't even know it exists. You only know because you'd made friends with a crew member. _

_You run to the railing. Only when you're by yourself do you let the tears fall. They run backwards of your face, flitting into the distance. _

_It's comical, almost. _

_The smallest bit of sun is slinking off the horizon, and the sea is a seemingly-endless blanket of dark, dark blue. Stars are placed here and there in the sky, like glitter on a young kid's art project. Everything is so beautiful, except your emotions. _

_There's a big black cloud around your heart that just won't lift. All you want is the cloud to lift, but it's not your choice. _

_It's her's. _

_And she doesn't even _know_ she could lift the cloud. You can't make her fall in love with you. You love her. You love her _so_ fucking much. _

_And you thought, as a naïve little girl, when you fall in love, it would be magical and wonderful like on TV. But no, if you fall in love like Emily Fields, everything's just a big black cloud that won't lift. _

_"Why the fuck did it have to be her?" You wonder out loud. You want to know why you couldn't have a crush on the girl in your English class, that's openly gay. You don't even really _care_ about that. You care that you're hopelessly and endlessly in love with your straight best friend._

_Your salty tears burn your eyes, but you don't care. The pain feels good. It's welcomed. You want the outside to hurt as much as the inside. You don't even know why you're freaking out. Maybe because of what Hanna said. Maybe that's she kissed you, and hasn't even made an effort to acknowledge it. Maybe you just fucking need to cry. _

_"Pull yourself together, Emily." You mutter witheringly to yourself, furiously wiping your eyes. Finally, you get a shiver. _

_You didn't even realize Hanna followed you until you hear her voice. "Emily..." Your hands shake. _

_"Hey. I-I'm fine, Han. Just go back to the room. I'll be there." You say after a pause, trying to hide the shakiness in your voice and wiping your damp hands on your bare legs. _

_"No, you're in pain, Em. Talk to me, love." She says, walking up to you. _Please don't touch me, Han. I'm not confident that I won't throw myself off the side of the boat if you do. _You think, trembling. Finally, you feel her hands in your arms. "Emily, why won't you talk to me? Did I do something wrong?" She says, tears in her voice now. Your heart shakes and shutters. You don't mean to be hurting her. _

_"No, I'm fine." You say, but you know you're not convincing anyone. _

_"Emily...please. Something's wrong. I just want to help." She says, her voice breaking. You slowly manage to turn around. "Oh, Em." She breathes, and you can imagine why. You're tired, you're makeup-less, you've been crying for who knows how long. You put your hands to you face, ashamed. Carefully, she reaches up and pulls them down._

_You nearly gag. Not because of her. Because everything's just so...cheesy. The way the sun's setting, the way your heart's beating so fast you can barely breath, the way she's looking into your eyes. Everything seems like it's right out of _Titanic _or something._

_"Emily...what's going on?" Her breath wraps around your face. _

_Suddenly, all at once, your brain, heart, and your entire being exploded. And, yet again, Hanna Marin's lips are on yours. _

_You don't move. Your furious shaking stops. Hanna's hands hold your cheeks like she's scared to let go. You can tell, she desperately wants you to return her actions. And you desperately want to. All you've wanted was for this to happen for weeks now, and it finally was, and you were frozen. _

_Her hands pull you closer somehow. Her lips taste like the gourmet pasta she had for dinner, and strawberry milkshake. _

_Hanna Marin is _going _to be the death of you. _

_Finally, you get a burst of...something. Your hands shoot up and grab the back of her head. She smiles into your lips. "Emily..." She whispers between kisses. "What...is...wrong?" She says. But now you can't answer. You're to wrapped up in Hanna Marin's lips. Wait, scratch that. You're to wrapped up in everything that's Hanna Marin. _

_And you're pretty sure it's always gonna be this way._

* * *

"Han, you don't have to." I say, my heart swelling. She shakes her head.

"Yes, Emily, I do. Not because you're obliging me to. Because I haven't in years. And I _need_ to." Hanna says, looking down and blushing. A small smile spreads over my lips.

It's nearly 9 at night, and poor Hanna hasn't left my side, except to use the bathroom, and even then I waited outside. She is so...broken. It aches to see her this way. My Hanna, the girl in a silk top and designer jeans, who'd slide around on a hardwood floor for hours, is gone. The girl who would smile in the face of danger, and would smirk in the face of a challenge, is gone.

She's replaced by..._this_ Hanna.

A girl who cowers in the face of a hand, whether it's going to hurt her or not. A girl who shudders at the thought of any man. A girl who clings to the "only one she knows she can trust", as she put it.

A girl who's...broken.

Her heart's been ripped into pieces. Her innocence has been torn from her. I don't _really_ know what's happened to her, but I can imagine. Her damage is worse than I thought it would be. The few times she'd looked away from me, I'd googled how to treat a victim of "Domestic Violence and Intimate Abuse", which only made me feel worse. It had used phrases like "extremely fragile" and "doesn't trust easily". It made me feel like Hanna was a statistic. It also made me feel like any little thing could leave her in ruins. Hell, she already is in ruins.

"Han, are you...sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable..." I say, rubbing my arm. She shakes her head furiously. I had showed her the room I'd prepared for her, and she said she wanted to sleep in my bed.

"Yes, Emily. Please. I don't want to be alone." She says, tears in her voice again. I sigh, and she looks at me, pleading. It's not that I don't want her in my bed or anything. It's that I don't want to accidentally do something that'll even _remotely_ make her regret this decision.

"Okay, if you're sure. But I want you to know, you can stay as far away from me, or come as close to me as you feel comfortable with, okay?" I say, walking from the guest room. She nods, but looks down and blushes. I smile at her. Sure, she's been through her own version of hell. But she's still _so_ freaking adorable.

"Can I see Brook's room?" She says as we walk through the hallway. I nod at her, surprised. "I'm guessing this is it?" She says pointing to Brook's door. It has a 3-D painting of Brook's name on it, against a background of New York City. I chuckle. She looks at me for permission, before opening the door. Another thing I read about victims; they feel they need permission for everything. I could've guessed that, though. Everything was "can I?" "Are you sure?". I didn't mind, it just makes me sad.

She looks around, smiling brightly. She observes the wall decor. It's the skyline of New York, and against the wall is Brook's white bed, with her light purple bedspread that matches the wall color. She smiles at the closet, stuffed to the gills with colorful, childlike clothing. "My kinda kid." Hanna says quietly, her nose wrinkling. I smile. _That's_ more of the Hanna Marin I remember.

She smiles at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling, and the shag rug. She smiles at the colored pencils, notebooks and coloring books scattered across her desk. She smiles at everything.

Finally, she looks at the last wall. First, all she notices is the poster of Anna and Elsa from Frozen, and another poster of the New York Skyline. "Your daughter loves New York." She notes, thoughtfully.

Then, she sees it. The many pictures messily taped in between the framed posters. They're all of her. Her and me, more specifically. A few of her school photos, a few of us from vacations, and just random events. Her eyes widen, and tears fill them, yet again. I rush to her side.

"She...why does she have pictures of me?" Hanna says tearfully. I tense, worrying profusely.

"She...she loves you, Han. She really does. I already told you, she calls you her other mommy." I say gently. Hanna covers her mouth with her hand. Finally, I see her lips protrude from under her palm, spreading into a smile.

"Well...Emily, I think I love her too."

* * *

**So yeah. Guess who finally meets in the next chapter? Don't worry, you'll get it within a few hours :):):) As always, thank you for all the alerts I get on this story! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! ~Ella**


	11. The Epitome Of An Immediate Connection

"Okay, Brook, I have something to tell you." I tell my daughter as we sit in the red-leather skinned booth of Rosewood diner. She slurps at her strawberry milkshake after she puts down her grilled cheese.

"What is it?" She says with her mouth full. I'm surprised she didn't ask something about Hanna. "Wait...did you find Hanna Marin?" She says, wiggling a finger at me. I look down, chuckling. _I'm not surprised anymore_. I just picked up Brook from Spencer's, and I think I might've unintentionally dropped a hint, because Spencer seemed to act different, somehow.

I bite my lip, but smile.

This is _not_ exactly how I planned for this to go. After a few beats of silence, Brook gasps.

"Mommy...you found Hanna Marin." She says matter-of-factly. I look up at her, meeting my daughter's eye.

"How'd you know?" I whisper, and slowly, a smile spreads over my daughter's face. In fact, I haven't seen a smile like it for... years, maybe. It just keeps spreading until I'm worried she's going to rupture her cheeks.

"Y-you didn't look s-sad like when I n-normally ask you." She says, her nose wrinkling, reminding me of adorable Hanna.

"Oh. Well...yes Brookie. I found Hanna Marin." I say to my unbelievably enthused daughter. _And I'll never lose her again. _I add to myself. I see a happy tear roll down my daughter's cheek.

"Well...what are we waiting for? Come on come on come on! We have to go! Is she at the house? I know she's not here. So she's at the house, right? I think she's at the house!" Brook says, clambering to stand up and put on her coat. "We should go! We _have_ to go! I have to go see Hanna Marin, mommy! Can we go? _Please_?" She says, running up to me.

"Don't you want to finish your food?" I say, but already knowing the answer.

"No, mommy!" She gives me an incredulous glance. "We have to go! Now now now now now!" She says, putting her hands on the table and jumping. I smile widely at her.

"You're right, hon. You're right." I say, my heart beating with giddy anticipation. She gives me a look as if to say _of course I'm right! _

I leave a 20 dollar bill on the table and we walk, well, I walk, Brook runs, out the door. She jumps into the car, squirming like a dying worm as I buckle her in. "I'm so excited, mommy! I've never been this excited I don't think!" She says gleefully as I start the car.

"I know you are, baby. But, you need to listen for a few minutes, okay?" I tell her seriously. She cocks her head. "Hanna has some...injuries. Remember when you hit your arm on the table and you had that mark?"

Brook nods. "A bruise, right?"

"Yeah. Hanna has a lot of bruises. She's also pretty skinny, and kind of sick. So, you can't crowd her. If she seems uncomfortable, you have to back away. And be really careful around her ouchies, okay? And if she seems like she's in pain, or anything, you have to be super quiet, okay?" I ramble, getting slightly nervous.

"Of course, Mommy!" Brook says, honesty in her voice.

"Oh, and you can't, _no matter what, _bring up the mean man. The one worse than the Joker. It'll make Hanna real, real sad, okay?" I say, looking her in the eyes. She looks a bit perplexed, but nods, making the 'cross my heart' motion. I smile and rub her knee, before pulling out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

We don't need any music or dialogue. Happy, nervous, anticipating and ecstatic energy bounces around the car. I hear Brook kicking her legs in the back, letting out a giggle every once and a while.

After what feels like no time, we pull in front of the house. Brook lets out an excited squeal. "I can't wait, mommy!" She cries as I open the door.

Before I let her out, I whisper "Remember what I told you, Brooklyn. 'Kay?" She nods. I don't know why I keep asking her. This child hasn't told a lie in her life. _Well, that I know of._ But she loves Hanna. She wouldn't do anything to her.

Brook jumps-literally, out of the car, and starts running towards the front door. "Hey, slow down, speed demon!" I say, semi-jokingly, when a pinecone drifts in front of Brook's pink Converse.

It seems to happen in slow motion.

First, the pinecone gets wedged between her foot and the concrete. Then, her foot flies out from her. Then, as if in a movie, she clashes to the hard concrete, a yelp escaping her mouth.

My eyes widen, and my heart lunges forward, beating unnaturally fast. Her knee gets ran across the ground, leaving behind a trail of blood. She looks down in horror, before opening her mouth. An ear-piercing scream registers in my ears. Once I'm unfrozen, I dash to her side.

"Brookie, are you okay, baby girl? Lemme see." I say, trying to pull her into my lap. Tears fall from her eyes. I look at her knee. She literally tore through her pants. Blood surrounds the wound.

"I-it h-hurts, mommy!" She sobs, clenching my shirt. My heart quivers. I _hate_ seeing my baby in pain.

"Shh...it's okay." I soothe. I'm about to scoop her up and walk inside, when I hear a door opening. Actually, _my_ door opening. I look up. A smile breaks out of my face. Hanna runs to where we are, wincing as she puts weight on her bruised ankle.

"Is she okay? What happened?" She says, motherly-like concern in her voice.

Brook looks up. Slowly, her eyes begin to widen and gleam with recognition. The blond smiles. The badly scraped knee is quickly forgotten. Brook looks like a perfect cross between dumbfounded, surprised, disbelieving, and ecstatic. After a few moments of them staring at eachother, Brook finally moves. She slowly gets out of my arms, and stares at Hanna. Within a blink of my eye, Brook's tiny arms are wrapped tightly around Hanna's shoulders. Hanna closes her eyes and hugs back with a smile on her face. "Hello, Brook." She whispers, love and adoration already in her voice somehow.

"Hello, Mommy."

"She already thinks of me like her mom. She _calls_ me mommy. I love it, Emily. It makes me...happy." Hanna says dreamily, clutching a pillow. I smile at her.

"She's called you her other mommy for a while. She loves you so much, Han. Already." I say, putting my hair up.

She blushes. "I mean, I'm not her real mom, of course. You birthed her and stuff. But...she _likes_ me. It's amazing. She has this...connection or something with me. I don't know how, but she does. It's almost unnatural. But I love it." She says, as I slowly crawl into bed. She scoots back a bit and flinches, but isn't that bad.

As I lie down and turn of the light, she whispers, "Can...I...maybe..." She says, fumbling with her words. Before she can finish, I slowly and gently grab her arm where there's no marks, and slowly drift it over my side. She takes a breath, but then hugs me tight. I smile widely. I missed this. I missed...her


	12. A Demon's Scars and an Angel's Heart

**Hello, lovelies! Remember me? No? Meh, that's okay. Anyway, if you do remember me, let alone this story, you'll be prett****y happy. I've just been busy as hell, and had a bit of writer's block. I just woke up with a jump with the idea for this chapter-at 4 in the morning, so I'm writing this while battling exhaustion. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

You're_ pretty sure you're hurting Hanna's hand with the death grip you have on it, but honestly, you don't care. If anyone didn't know you well enough, they could tell by your breathing;you're terrified. As the transportation shuttle passes by a sign for the Ziplining company, you shudder._

_"Hey." She nudges you with her shoulder. You jump, being thrust out of your own world. Her eyes sparkle. "You a little scared?" You can tell she's playing with you, because _she's _never scared. She could be trapped in a room filled with venomous snakes, and she'd be giggling about a joke she heard a few days ago. _

_"Little bit." You mutter, looking down and blushing. She pokes you in the ribs. _

_"But why?" She drawls, sounding like a Kindergartener. "You'll be safe, Em. I swear. And if we die, at least we'll die together." She says, and you hit her on the arm. _

_"I'm scared of heights, Han. You know that. I'm still trying to figure out why you guys are taking me ziplining! Why couldn't we have just stayed on the boat?" You whine, pouting. Ashley had revealed you we all going on a Ziplining your when you docked in the Bahamas. You'd pouted and worried all night, but Hanna had jumped around, filled with giddy excitement. _

_"It's gonna be fine, Em. I promise." She says, giving you a peck on the cheek. Despite your nerves, your heart flares up. Ever since what happened on the top deck a few nights ago, Hanna had been extra flirty and romantic. You hadn't talked about it, not that that shocked you. Everything was "yeah, babe." "What's up, beautiful?" "Sweetie, I'm hungry!" And nearly everything Hanna did was accompanied by a peck. _

_When you zoned back in from your Hanna-centric thoughts, you were pulling into a small parking lot, with signs pointing to various trails. Hanna let out an excited squeal. You shakily stand up, push aside your nerve-induced nausea, and exit the shuttle. Despite your feelings, you gape. The lot is covered by a thicket of trees, and tropical birds flit around like pieces of colorful confetti. _

_"It's so pretty." You murmur, and Hanna bumps your hip. You stumble, but manage to save yourself from the embarrassment of falling on your ass in front of like 20 people. _

_After you show a few people your admission bracelets, a tour guide walks up to the group. "Hello, friends! I'm Jeremy, and I'll be your instructor through this lovely experience! Follow me up this trail, and will be zippin' in no time!" He announces in an overly-chipper voice. _

_Hanna scoffs beside you. "Goober." You stifle a laugh. As Jeremy goes on and on about different kinds of birds and plants, you and Hanna share humorous whispers. For a few moments, it's like nothing ever changed. You're normal best friends for once. _

_When you reach the top of the cliff, a lead drops in your stomach. You'd vaguely heard Jeremy say "100 foot drop". Hanna grabbed your hand. _

_"Hey, it'll be okay." Ashley, who'd been chatting up a fellow tourist, moved to you with an odd look on her face._

_"Hey, I think I'm gonna refrain. I have a really awful stomach ache. You guys can go ahead, and I'll meet you at the bottom okay?" Hanna nods, but you internally groan. _Great. The only trusted adult I have with me can't even _watch_ me fall to my death.

_You all file into a line, Hanna edging toward the back, you know for your sake. You're grateful for that. The first person in line-a young teenager, gets harnessed, and in the blink of an eye, pushes off the edge, and whips across the gaping hole, swerving around the bend. _

_Before you knew it, you were next. As the passengers in front of you get strapped into the tandem harness, Hanna fidgets excitedly. _

_When you got the front. Hanna stands in front of you. Your feet feel ground into mud, but you step into the harness, Hanna in front of you. "Have fun." The tall man says as he hooks the clip to the line. _

_"You ready? I'll hold onto you the whole time." Hanna whispers, and despite yourself, you nod. _

_The man counts down, then yells "go!" And Hanna jumps off. You have no choice but to go with her, because you're together in one harness. _

_You feel your body being pulled toward the chasm, but you realize, you're not falling-you're floating. The line holds and you're being safely whipped across the line, Hanna lets out an excited wail, and you can't help but copy her. Your wind whips through the breeze, and the forest spreads out below you. _

_Within seconds, you're around the bend and on the other side, breathless. Your legs shake as you step out of the harness. _

_"Well?" Hanna says, anticipatingly as you walk back to the group, that's a little bit away from the end of the line. _

_You feel buzzed. You feel...like you can do anything. More specifically, you feel like you can do anything with no consequences. First, you stop walking, and turn to Hanna. Her eyes gleam. Before you realize what you're doing, you're lunging forward, and smashing Hanna's lips into yours. Your veins quiver. You clutch her shirt, and try to savor as much of her as you can. She kisses back, but her shock isn't hidden. Finally, when you can't breathe anymore, you back away. _

_Then, all at once, you're back in your own body. You become Emily Fields again. You realize you just kissed Hanna, and your heart falls. "Uh...Sorry." You finally whisper, shyly. She takes your hand, as you begin to walk to the group. _

_As you board the shuttle once again, you're silent. As you drive back to the dock, she leans her head on your shoulder, and a whisper escapes her lips. _

_"So I guess you liked it." _

* * *

Her eyes shrink. "You..." She says, trailing off and starting that infamous quiver of her's. I twist my mouth. "W-want me...t-to..." She stutters, wrapping her small arms around herself. I jump in, my heart starting to beat rapidly.

"Hanna, only if you want to. If you're not ready, you don't have to. I just thought it might be a good idea." I say, nervously playing with a pillow. She keeps shaking.

"I-it probably is..." She says quietly, but doesn't move from her spot by the door.

Brook had just gone to bed an hour late, but I didn't really care. After she'd woken up this morning, she'd run right into my..._our_...bedroom, and gently rubbed Hanna's arm until she woke up. Hanna'd been sleeping cuddled up to me all night, reminding me of Brook when she would have nightmares. In the morning, I was lying with my back to her and she had her face buried in the back of my neck.

When Brook came in, at 10 to 8, I was already awake, but wanted to see how they'd interact without me intervening. After a pause, where I imagine Hanna had been remembering what had happened the day before, I'd heard Hanna say "Good morning, Brookie. How'd you sleep?"

I felt the mattress dip with Brook's weight, and Hanna scoot over so Brook could sit. "Good. I had a dream that me and you and mommy all went on a cruise and we got to eat breakfast with Cinderella! It was really fun, but then the Joker showed up and he took you away, mommy! And I tried to chase after you, but I couldn't move. Then I got really sad and then I woke up." Brook had said, and I felt her lie down. I also felt Hanna tense at the mention of a cruise.

"O-oh, yeah?" Hanna said, and I could tell by her voice, she was biting her lip. I also tensed and bit my own lip as the mention of the "Joker". I was about to sit up and have Brook leave, when Hanna finally spoke. "Well that won't ever happen, Brook. I promise. I...went away for a while, but I didn't want to. Now that I'm back...I'm never going away again, okay? I love you and your mommy _way_ to much to do that." Hanna said, and I didn't hear what Brook responds.

I was shocked.

My heart felt to big for my chest and my brain felt like it was seeping from my ears. _Did she just say she loves me and Brook? _I couldn't move. I felt tears slide down my cheeks. I don't even know why.

I heard Hanna sit up, and Brook ask cautiously "Can I sit on your lap?" I assume Hanna nodded, because I heard rustling of the blankets. "I'm so happy you're not gone anymore, Mommy. I hadn't even met you before yesterday, and I already missed you! Mommy said I'd love you because you're just like me." Brook had said, and I couldn't help a smile from covering my face. "And I do. Love you I mean. And you are just like me!"

Hanna was silent for a moment. "Well, I...I'm happy you love me, Brook. I've never been really good with kids. But you are _much_ cooler than me. And more beautiful. You have a beautiful mommy, so that's why. I have all these ugly bruises and scars. You don't. You're perfect. I'm not." Hanna said, sadness in her voice.

"No! Those bruises won't stay there forever, mommy! I promise, cross my heart. You and mommy are the most beautiful people in the whole world! I like your eyes, too. They look like blue Gatorade. But even bluer. Bluer than the sky." Brook said, and I could feel Hanna's blush radiate through my body. "I'm still tired. Can we lie down, mommy?" Brook asked, yawning. They both lied down, and I guess we all fell back asleep, because when I opened my eyes again, it was almost 11.

And I was cuddling with my 2 favorite people in the world.

Hanna had her arms around Brook, who was on her back and had an arm strewn across each of us. My arms were around Brook's shoulders and my hands were on Hanna's hip and stomach. From a bird's eye view, we probably looked like tangled headphone cords.

We'd done virtually nothing all day, never changing out of our pjs. Mostly, Hanna and I had told stories about our friendship to Brook, her listening intently.

She didn't let go of Hanna's hand all day again, and when I had to take the blond into the bedroom to check her injuries, Brook had made a card on white printer paper. It said _I love you Mommy! I hope you get all better soon! _Written in pink crayon, next to a drawing of a short stick figure with dark hair, a tall stick figure with dark hair, and a shorter stick figure with yellow hair, all holding each other's stick-hands. It had completely melted my heart, and made Hanna cry.

Not surprisingly, she's been crying a lot.

Now, at night, I said Hanna should take a bath, but as soon as I did, I realized I shouldn't have. She panicked. We've been standing here in the bedroom for what seemed like 3 days but is probably only 15 minutes.

"Y-you're right..." She says, looking like she wants to say something else, but refrains. "I guess I will." She finally says, slowly starting towards the bathroom.

"Han, if this makes you to uncomfortable-" I start to say when she shakes her head, and smiles.

But it's fake. I can tell. After years of real and fake smiles, I can tell the difference. I think she knows that, but I'm not going to push her.

I get a few towels from the linen closet, and we walk into the bathroom. I turn on the heater. She slowly pulls her hair from the ponytail, and it falls in clumps around her face. She faces away from the mirror. She swallows thickly, then with shaking hands, pulls off her 1st sweatshirt. She kept saying she was cold, so she had 2 on. She folds it and places it on the sink, and I can tell she's stalling.

"Hanna, you don't need to do this." I remind her. She shakes her head, and fake smiles again, as if to show me she's okay.

I don't believe her.

But alas, she pulls off her other sweater, and now she's just in a t-shirt. My breath catches.

She has _so_ many bruises, I'd count them, but that would probably take 20 minutes. Round, puckered marks, D-shaped welts, burn scars, scabs. I hadn't seen her arms fully yet, and a part of me wishes I hadn't.

"Oh, Hanna..." I say unconsciously. She blushes, looking at her arms.

"I'm..." She trails off, as she finally sees herself in the mirror. Her eyes widen. They trail down her arms, and over her face. 2 fat tears fall down her beautiful, bruised cheeks. She brings her hand to her black eye, and carefully touches it. She winces. I just stand there like a stupid statute, unable to do anything other than watch. _I'm so ugly._ She mouths to herself, and a small noise escapes her mouth. I watch as her shoulders slowly begin to heave up and down, and her chest rises and falls more rapidly with each breath.

"I'm ugly." She states again, and I see beads of sweat fall down her forehead.

"Hanna? Baby, are you alright?" I say, a feeling of concern filling my chest. She stumbles backwards.

"I'm..u-ugly. Ugly. Very...very ugly. I was Hanna Marin. Beautiful. Smart. Awesome." She says, her entire body shaking, worse than I've ever seen. "Now I'm ugly. Look what he did to me!" She shouts crazily, tears flying off her face, sobs and heaving breaths escaping her throat. She grabs the wall, sobbing and shaking. My brain clicks on.

I'd read that for abuse victims, it was common to have panic attacks if they saw themselves and what their body looks like, after the abuse had occurred. And the brief paragraph I read on panic attacks could've been written on how Hanna's acting right now. She looks like she's experiencing the worst pain you could imagine. I imagine I look like her when I had Brook. She looks like she can't breathe.

"Hanna...baby, please calm down." I say desperately, not wanting to touch her, but not wanting her to feel alone. She continues to shake.

"I-I'm...u-u-ugly!" She says again, collapsing to the floor, laying in a heap. Finally, I can't help it anymore. I fall beside her and pull her into my lap, putting my hands where I know she doesn't have any marks. I tense, ready for her to push me away, when she just clutches my shirt and sobs. I plant gentle kisses across her blond head.

"It's okay, love. Breathe, Han. You're with me, now. It's okay." I soothe, and slowly, her sobs get quieter until she's just sniffling and hiccuping.

"I-I'm...sorry." She says, her voice breaking and scratchy. I shake my head.

"It's okay, beautiful. I don't care. Are you okay?" I ask, holding her hand. She looks at me.

"Don't call me beautiful, Em. I'm not beautiful." She says sadly, shaking her head. My eyes well, not surprisingly.

"Han..._yes_ you are. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. I don't want you to think anything less of yourself, Hanna. It's okay. Your marks will fade. The one's on your body, and the one's on your heart." I say, and I silently pray that's true. "It might take time, but they will."

After a long silence, she finally speaks. "He wouldn't let me bathe." She blurts, then covers her mouth and shakes her head. My eyes widen.

"Baby, talk to me." I urge gently. She sighs.

"When I lived there. He said I didn't deserve to be pampered. I didn't deserve to bathe for fun. He'd only let me bathe if I'd been a...'good wife' as he always said. I tried to bathe once...he was at work. I didn't know the last time I did, and I felt terrible. So, I did. I felt amazing, but he somehow knew. That's the night he did...this." She says, rolling up her shirt a millimeter, and just enough for me to see a peachy-colored scar, like it was made with a knife. I almost gag. "He said I was worthless. Greedy. Ugly. Horrible. He said it so much...I realized it's true. I _am_. I don't deserve to be pampered. Just look at me." She says miserably, sounding like she's gonna break any second. I try-unsuccessfully, to stop the tears from spewing out of my eyes, and my overwhelming anger. I drop her hand, in fear I might squeeze it.

After a few beats, I open my eyes and look at her. Tears fall from her gorgeous eyes to the floor. "Han...You deserve more than that. Don't believe a word that idiot said to you, beautiful. You deserve the world and more. You're so strong, Hanna. If I was you, I would be completely broken by now." I say, grabbing her hand again. A bolt of pure electric energy goes from my hand, up my arm, and slaps me right in the heart.

She looks up at me, with her glassy eyes, filled with demons and pain. But beyond that, I see Hanna Marin. The _real_ one, not this prototype.

"That's the thing...Em." She says, putting her head in my lap, lying her head in my hand. "I'm not strong." She says, her tears falling onto my knee. "He already broke me."

* * *

**Meh. Those are my thoughts about this chapter. Don't worry, we have 1 more chapter like this one, then some drama ;) So yeah, sorry Haleb fans, if I didn't, I wouldn't be here. Anyway, follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Love ya'll! ~Ella :):):):)**

**P.S, if I wrote a Sparia story about Aria being pregnant, would you guys read it? Let me know! **


	13. Did We Ever Really Grow Up?

**Hello there! It's me, the girl with the story you've probably forgotten about. I'm so, so, so sorry for the delay, I've been battling some pretty horrific stuff, and taking care of a newborn recently. Anyway, here's chapter 12. **

**PRE-WARNING: The flashback/beginning of this chapter is fairily smutty_, _and Haleb fans are going to _hate_ me after this chapter_. _**

**_I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. _**

* * *

"Ugh,_ this feels amazing." Hanna moans as you walk into the hot sauna, locking the door behind her. You rub your arm, nervously. _

_"Han, are you sure this is a good idea? I don't wanna get caught, it's like 4 in the morning." You say twisting up your mouth. Hanna rolls her eyes at you. _

_"C'mon, Em. Live a little!" She says, bumping your hip. She'd been doing that a lot lately. _

_You sit on the bench, allowing yourself to relax a little bit. While you're nervous as hell, the heat _does_ feel pretty relaxing. _

_You sit in silence for a while, when Hanna suddenly speaks. "I don't wanna leave, Em!" She says sadly, and you nod. _

_"Me neither." You say simply, but it's 100% true. You'd met the most amazing people, eaten the most amazing food, and had the most amazing experiences on this boat. You'd danced, sang, laughed, smiled. Hanna's eyes had lighten up more times than you could count. Also what happened on the top deck a few nights ago, _that_ was pretty great. _

_Even for a few moments, you'd forgotten your pathetic affections for Hanna. You felt like normal best friends, like when you went ziplining. You'd made jokes, and you didn't have to force your laugh. _

_Hanna's like a drug. When you're without her, she's all you can think about. Even though you know when Hanna does things like...kissing you or flirting with you, it results in bad things. But you want more anyone. She's your addiction. _

_And you're sure she always will be._

_You're about 278 feet deep in thought, when Hanna breaks the comfortable silence you'd both settled in with a loud squeal. You jump, and your eyes boggle slightly. "I just had the most amazing idea ever!" You sigh in relief. _

_"What? And did you really feel the need to blow out my eardrums?" You say, and Hanna ignores your comment. _

_"Well, since you never directly answer me about the kids thing, what if when we have a girl, we give her each other's name for her middle name?" You must've looked confused, because she explained further. "Like...I really like the names Sierra and Brooklyn. What do you like?" She asks you, and you shrug. _

_"Uh...I kinda like the name Piper." You say, thinking about it now. Hanna nods. _

_"Right! So, if you have a daughter and name her Piper, you'll name her Piper Hanna Fields." She explains, and you nod, actually liking the idea. _

_"I love it. That way, our daughters will always have a piece of our friendship." You say, smiling at her. "Your name's really pretty, too." You say before you can stop yourself, then you clap your hand over your mouth. Hanna smiles bashfully. _

_"Aww, that's so sweet!" She comes and gives you a long hug. "I love you. You know that right?" _

_She whispers, and you shiver, even though you're sweating. She goes and sits back down, and you're left thinking about your possible future kids. Just as you're starting to relax again, she-yet again-breaks the comfortable silence you'd been in. "Hey, you also never directly answered me when I asked if you're okay." She says, and you internally groan. You _thought_ you'd dropped this. _

_But obviously not. _

_"Well, I was a bit...preoccupied, Han." You say, blushing and looking down. She's silent for a few moments, then speaks again. _

_"Honestly, me too. You have really soft lips, Em." She says quietly, and you shift around. _No, Hanna, please no._ You hear her footsteps, and you feel her presence beside you. "You're a really good kisser, too." She says, her shoulder rubbing against yours. You take deep breaths, feeling like you're completely shaking._

_"Han..." You say quietly, squeezing your eyes shut. _

_"And well...if we're being honest, I think you kiss better than Caleb. You're more gentle. And your lips are softer. And you smell better." She says softly, and you bite your tongue until you taste blood. _

_"Han.." You manage to say, but she continues. _

_"I mean...if I was gay, I could kiss you forever." She says, and you heart falls, and gets stepped on by a sumo wrestler. _If she was gay. She's with Caleb, you stupid idiot! How could you have been so fucking dumb?_ You mentally scream at yourself. " She says, and you bite your tongue. _

_"But..." She continues, dragging her fingers over your bare, sticky arm. You feel her hot breath on your ear. "You're trustworthy." She says, and you're confusion registers on your face. "I don't think..." She lightly kisses your shoulder, and a slight whimper escapes your mouth. "You'll tell Caleb...if maybe I'm gay for a little bit." You eyes pop open, and damn near fall from your head. _

_Your heart beats faster than it was, and you feel dizzy as hell. You look at her, and she smiles. You're about to say something, when she shakes her head lightly, and holds a finger to your lips. _

_Before she says anything else, you're melting into your mouth, once again on your Hanna-induced high. _

_She throws her sweaty legs over your thighs, and grabs your face. As her tongue enters your mouth, a rush of wetness pools between your thighs. Her hands brush over your bikini-clad boob, your arm, your chest, your stomach. She runs her fingers from your inner, inner thigh, to your knee, all while still kissing you until you can't feel your brain anymore. _

_"I'm killing you, aren't I, Emily?" She asks teasingly, while attacking your neck with her lips. You nod obediently. _

_"Fuck yes, you're killing me, Hanna Marin." You say huskily. _

_"And you're killing me too, Emily." She says with something in her voice that you can't quite place. "But I think we should stop here." She says, and her hands and lips halt. _

_You look at her, feeling teary. "B-but...why?" You stutter, trying not to let your voice crack. She smiles sadly. _

_"I respect you to much, Em." She says simply, giving you one last peck. "It's that simple." She gets up, and unlocks the sauna door, walking out, presumably back to the stateroom. _

_You sit on the bench, left in a Hanna-daze. Just when you feel like you can move again, the tears come. They stream faster and faster down your face until you can't even breathe, and you're sobbing like a baby. _

_And you knew, Hanna's never gonna even hint to this again. _

_But it's gonna be the only thing on your mind._

* * *

"Good morning!" Brook announces cheerfully, after peeking in the door and seeing if we were awake. We were, we had been most of the night.

Hanna would try to sleep, but then would wake up, plagued by nightmares and insecurities. It would start with her stirring, then murmuring "no" and "please" and "stop" in her sleep. Then her words would get louder, until she was screaming, and would launch up, struggling to breathe, sweating, and sobbing. The first time she did it, it scared me shitless.

She'd said a small part of what Caleb had done to her in her hysterical state, and it made me sick to my stomach. By the time it was morning, I didn't think I could handle any more. She'd said something about him getting drunk, blathering on about how worthless she was, and when she'd try to do or say something, he'd hit her until she'd shut up. That was the most common thing would do.

And if she tried to eat without his permission, he'd dig his nails into her skin until she apologized "to his liking" or some shit. And if she tried to leave the apartment, he'd send one of his buddies to "watch after" her, making sure she didn't-and couldn't-leave. God only knows what that "buddy" would do to poor Hanna. I also heard the word "rape" a few times in her babbling, and that had affected me more than anything. It gave me shivers and flashbacks, but _that's_ a whole other story.

She'd only sleep about 20 minutes, then wake up crying and hyperventilating. "I-it f-felt so r-real!" She'd sob every time. I'd console her as best I could, singing to her and stroking her hair. I only slept some at the beginning of the night, then I couldn't sleep, in fear of Hanna waking up again. While she slept fitfully, I'd remember memories of our past, until she'd wake up again.

Now, as Brook flounced into the room, Hanna was leaning against my chest, and I was telling her stories of when Brook was young. She'd smile and laugh, and that would make me smile and laugh. Brook, bundled in a pink robe that rubbed against the floor, smiles shyly, silently asking to come into the bed with us. I nod, and she smiles wider and jumps onto the mattress.

Hanna and I take turns giving her a kiss on the forehead, and she snuggles into our cocoon. "How'd ya sleep, Brookily?" Hanna says, and I stifle a laugh. Last afternoon, she mean to say "Brookie", but instead said Brookily, so we'd been calling her that since then.

Brook giggles at her new nickname. "Good. I was super tired, so I don't think I had any dreams. Did you have any dreams?" Brook asks innocently, and Hanna tenses. I step in, so Hanna doesn't have another panic attack type-thing.

"We didn't sleep much, Brookily." I leave it at that, but with Brook's inquisitiveness, it's stupid to assume she won't be curious.

"Why? You told me that sleep is so great for you!" Brook says, sounding confused. Now, Hanna steps in.

"Well, sometimes you can't sleep because something stops you. We just...talked for a while. We have to catch up, you know. We haven't seen each other in years." Hanna explains, and Brook nods, leaving the topic. We lay in bed until my stomach decides to announce its hungry. We mosey into the kitchen, in no real hurry. I lazily ask Brook what she wants for breakfast, and she lazily responds with a teenager-ish "Whatever", clinging to Hanna's hand.

I look in the fridge, and decide to make "Pretty Pancakes" as Brook had dubbed them when she was younger. When she sees me getting pancake mix, she squeals in excitement. "Yay! Mommy, these are amazing! Mommy's the best cook!" Brook says, pointing at me, and jumping in excitement. Hanna smirks.

"I know she is. This one time..." Hanna says, sitting on the tiles of the kitchen, pulling Brook into her lap. As Hanna says this, I know I'm going to be blushing in the near future. "Mommy tried to recreate one of the meals we had on the cruise. But..." Hanna stops to giggle. My eyes widen. _I remember this_. The story she's telling is from our eventful college days. "She-with all due respect, failed horribly. The entire kitchen was filled with smoke. It was really hot in there..." Hanna smirks again at me, and I swallow. "...like a sauna." My stomach drops, and blush floats over my neck and face. I stammer for words.

My brain feels like it's spewing black smoke, like an old engine. "Well, maybe it was even hotter than a sauna. Well, except one certain sauna. _Nothing_ will ever be as hot as it was in there." Hanna winks at me, and I damn near melt. _Oh, God, Hanna, stop it!_ I mentally yell. Brook cocks her head innocently.

"Is that sauna hotter than the sun? My teacher says nothing's hotter than the sun." Brook challenges, and Hanna laughs.

"Well, it wasn't the sauna itself. It was more what happened in the sauna." Hanna says knowingly, winking again at me. Brook looks totally confused.

"What happened?" She asks me, playing with Hanna's hair. I manage to get words out.

"I'll tell you when you're older. Cross my heart." I say slowly, my voice cracking on the cross.

"Now, help me out, get me the sprinkles, please." I ask Brook, and she pops up, going to the pantry a few feet away from the main kitchen entrance. Within the few seconds of "privacy" we have, I grab the whipped cream and milk from the fridge. Hanna stands, walks to the counter, purposefully brushing our arms together. I squeeze my eyes shut, putting down the 2 items in my hands.

_At least a particle of Old Hanna is back._ I think, still trying to recover from my...moment. "I can't find 'em!" I hear Brook call.

"Look in the living room where we had ice cream yesterday!" I call back, remembering where they might be. I'm about to go help her find the sprinkles, when I hear Hanna's bare feet shuffling. When I turn around, I hear a small whoosh and see a plume of white foam land on my nose and over my mouth, some plopping to the floor. When my shock wears off, I shake the cream off. Hanna giggles innocently, and I spring into action.

"You butthead!" I yell, snatching the canister, and spritzing the dessert down the front of her face. She quickly wipes it off, and laughs loudly. Before I can think, we're in a full-blown food fight. She tears open the box of pancake mix, throwing a handful of powder at me. I cough, but smile widely and laugh, spraying a "Z" shape across her head and shirt of whipped cream. She responds with more pancake mix.

Suddenly, I hear a small giggle, and feel small pieces of color float across me, getting stuck to the remaining whipped cream on my face. They're on Hanna, too. We both look down, seeing Brook, holding 2 things of sprinkles. She smirks, throwing more. I smirk at her, shouting "You asked for it, Brooklyn Hanna Fields!" I dominate her with more whipped cream, and she squeals happily, picking up some of the rubble of our battle, throwing at me. Getting carried away with my young food fight-tyrant of a daughter, Hanna dumps a good portion of the box on my head. I cough and sputter, still laughing widely.

"You little..." I say, shaking the canister and spraying both Hanna and Brook, both of them still laughing. For a few seconds, the whipped cream, sprinkles, and pancake mix cover the big bruises on Hanna's face. Her smile and laugh isn't fake, it's genuine and beautiful. She looks just she did when we were on the boat, wild and carefree. Young and happy. _If only it could stay like this_. This felt like a dream.

But my dream is short-lived. And when Hanna goes to step back, she slips and starts to fall because of a remaining pile of whipped cream. I panic. She gasps, but I launch forward and catch her by putting my hands out behind her back. She squeezes her eyes shut, but when she realizes she's safe in my arms, she opens them and smiles at me.

Her eyes bore into mine, and I feel myself drawing her closer. I feel hugely accomplished. I'd saved her from getting hurt. Further. And that's all I'd wanted to do for years, but I couldn't. But now, she's safe in my arms, and I felt like nothing could ever hurt her again.

When she's only inches from my face, Brook, who,-I'll be honest, I kinda forgot was standing there-interjected. "So...you guys gonna kiss now?" I completely halted, and gaped at her. Hanna did too. She shrugged. "What? I don't really mind, just tell me." She giggles. My throat feels dry and scratchy. Hanna makes a kind of noise in the back of her throat. Brook just looks at the 2 of us, confused. After what feels like hours, I clear my throat a few times, and gently pull Hanna to her feet. We stand beside each other awkwardly.

"How about we make pancakes tomorrow, Brookie? Maybe we'll just do something easy today." I finally say, and Brook looks disappointed, but nods. "Can you...go get the broom from the closet?" I ask her, and she nods again, putting the sprinkles on the floor and walking away. I turn to Hanna, and open my mouth. "Han, I'm sorry. That was...really immature of me, and I can tell Brook's comment made you uncomfortable. I'll talk to her." I say quickly, looking down in embarrassment. I feel like a bitch, until Hanna grabs my hands.

"Hey, it's fine. She's young, it doesn't matter. Okay?" She says quietly, and I look at her, and nod like a sad puppy. She leans forward and pecks my cheek, and my heart explodes. I look at her, surprised. "Let's clean up." She says, smiling, and taking some of the whipped cream from my face and eating it.

Brook comes back with the broom, and Hanna takes it from her. Brook gets Clorox wipes, and they both get to work, cleaning the kitchen from our food Tyrant.

While I just stand there, my hand where Hanna kissed.

_Oh, Fuck._

* * *

**Again, I'm so sorry for the delay! Taking care of a newborn is so damn hard! And since I don't know the next time I'll be updating, here's some spoilers. **

**Guess who's turning 8 next chapter!**

**Emily gets a horrific visit from someone she thought and hoped she'd never see again. **

**And someone big enters this story, that'll cause major changes in Hannily**.

**Follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I'll hopefully see you guys soon. ~Ella**


	14. Happy Birthday, Brook?

**Hey guys! I honestly can't believe my current life has allowed me update this quickly! I've had so much going on, and now me and my twin sister are raising a baby. I wrote this (long as shit) chapter in between nightly feelings, so it might be bad. Also, it was bitch to get from my writing app to this website;it took almost 4 hours. **

**Thank you all for your kindness and reviews also! So, here's another installment of this whirlwind story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_You glare out the window, at nothing but the dark, stupid dessert. _

_Beyoncé sings melodically in your ears, and with the volume on your MP3 player as loud as it can go, you _still_ hear her. How Ashley hasn't gone bonkers yet amazes you. _

_Somewhere in rural New Mexico, you were mad. Why__? From something that normally gave you happiness. You were peeved at something that normally made you feel happier than anybody or anything else could._

_Hanna's joyful giggles. _

_For at least 2 hours, Hanna had been on her phone, texting with him, and tittering like a child at an amusement park. She'd panicked when her phone had reached low charge, _needing_ the car charger _that second_. This was _your_ road trip! _Your_ time together! And it was being interrupted by _him_. And you don't like it. _

_A few times, you'd just wanted to throw her damn phone out the window, but resisted, because she'd hate you. And you know;you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if she hated you. You'd been feigning sleep, and you put up your hood. _

_After a few more minutes of torture, the giggles seem to cease. You brave a semi-discreet look at the clock in the front seat, it's almost 5 in this time-zone, meaning it's almost 1 in Rosewood. _He_ had probably went to bed. You do some quick math. The last time you looked at the clock, when she started texting with him, it was just after 3. Think of all the fun you guys could've had it that time! _

_She's quiet for what feels like quite a while, even though in reality, it's only a period of 2 songs. You hear Ashley say something, Hanna respond, and then feel her touch on your shoulder. She moves one of the ears from your headphones to your forehead, but you try to play it off like you're in deep sleep. But when she takes off your headphones completely, you start to 'wake up'. When you open your eyes, she smiles at you._

_"Morning, sleepy head. The Momster's really tired, so we're gonna pull over at a hotel, 'Kay?" She says, and you just shrug, putting your headphones back on. Hanna looks at you weirdly. Normally, you'd nod eagerly, ask what hotel, and tell some story about a hotel. But instead, you ignore her, just like she ignored you. After a period of 3 more songs, in which you heard Hanna try to talk to you, but you again, ignore her, you feel the car pulling off the endless highway._

_You finally take off your headphones, and put those and your MP3 player in your main bag. You avoid eye contact as you put the fleece blankets in the way back seat. Ashley pulls into the parking lot of a Holiday Inn, and you lazily get out. You look at Ashley. She smiles wearily at you as she grabs her rolling suitcase from the trunk. _

_You get yours, but don't get Hanna's. She has some trouble getting it out, and hits her toe with the wheel when she finally does. You feel an emotional pang, but don't break your hard shell. You even see a few tears in her eyes, and you bite your tongue. She's fragile as hell, of course that really hurt her. _

_You walk into the medium-sized lobby, and Ashley murmurs something about wait here while she gets a room. You stand next to Hanna, but still don't look at her. You feel like a horrible bitch for doing this, but you want her to feel as ignored as you did. _

_After a few minutes, Ashley hands you both a card key, and tells you to go down the hall. You walk in front of Hanna down the sweet-smelling hallway, and you enter a room at the end, holding the door. Hanna says thank you. _

_Ashley quickly opens her bag, pulling out pajamas and starting to change. You use the bathroom, and wash your face and hands, also putting on pajamas. Hanna pouts when you still ignore her, and you almost break. _

_Ashley doesn't even brush her teeth. She just gets under the hotel bed's covers, lazily murmuring goodnight. You get into the bed, silently praising how comfortable it is. You feel the mattress dip with Hanna's weight. Automatically, with zero control, you roll over and wrap your arms around her. Within seconds, you realize your mistake. You panic a bit, and retreat before you think. Seconds tick past uncomfortably. Finally, Hanna sighs._

_"Can we talk...?" She whispers, sounding immensely sad. You remain quiet. _This is torture_. "Please?" You sigh, and fling your legs off the bed. You internally curse yourself. Again, you're giving into her. _

_You both walk into the hallway, milling around for a while. She speaks first. "What did I do?" You're surprised at the sadness in her voice, so you look at her. She smiles sadly. "Why are you mad?" You open your mouth to protest, but she shakes her head. "I know you're mad. Talk to me." She says firmly but sadly. _

_You sigh. Multiple times. "I just..." You say, trying to find words. "I'm sad that we didn't get to spend time together 'cause you were texting...Caleb." You say quickly, _his_ name leaving a sour taste in your mouth. Her eyes widen just a bit. "It's stupid and bitchy. I'm sorry." You say right after. Before you know what's happening, she's pulling you into a hug. While you're still a tad upset, you melt into the hug. You wrap your arms around her shoulder, sighing into her warm affection. After a while, she speaks. _

_"I'm sorry. I honestly thought you were asleep. That was a dick move of me. I'm sorry." She says honestly, and it makes your heart shake and shudder. There's so much..._love_ in her voice, platonic love of course. You hug for a long time, not that you mind._

_In silent agreement, you go back into the room, snuggling into bed. You wrap your arms around each other. She rubs your hair. "You know I love you, right?" You whisper to Hanna, who nods instantly._

_"Not as much as I love you, Em." She replies, and you smile, so much love for the girl in your arms, it could fill a million pools. Before you fall into a deep, deep, sleep, you murmur one last thing. "I doubt it, baby."_

* * *

I can't-nor do I want to-believe that my daughter is turning 8. _8_. That's a freaking huge number. She's not a baby anymore. Soon, she won't even want or need me. She'll have her friends, and her jokes, and her own life. She won't rely on me. It makes me sob just thinking about it. She's so smart, and funny, and pretty.

God, I sound fucking biased and stupid. And while I hate saying it, it's true. It was so hard taking care of a baby 95% by myself. But, I would do it all again if I had to. While it was tiring, and hard, and difficult, and draining, and emotional taking care of Brook for that first year, I wish she was still that little. Even though I love Brook now also, much more than words can explain.

8 years ago today, I was probably crying. For more than 1 reason, also. For 1, I was in a shit load of pain. For 2, I was alone, in labor. And for 3, Hanna and I always swore that we'd be there to help each other through pain and suffering. And she wasn't there. But I wasn't there to help Hanna when she was going through her own version of Hell.

Anyway, a few days after Spencer saw Hanna, I'd asked Brook what she wanted in her 8th birthday party. She was highly vague. She just said off-handedly, "I dunno. A pretty cake with cream. And ice cream. And pizza. And New York themed. And presents. And...only people I like." Then went back to her drawing. I reminded her she had a New York themed birthday party last year, to which she huffed at. We decided on a theme of just the rainbow colors.

So, I did everything I could to schedule around that, while Brook was at school (Which she did _not_ want to attend. After a very toddler-like tantrum though, I got her into the car. And I might have been seeing things, but I swear I saw her and Hanna tear up when they had to part).

I baked a cake, with white buttercream frosting on the outside, then a layer of each color of the rainbow inside. Hanna had helped me bake it, and when she got pink-ish frosting all over her nose and cheeks, I couldn't tell her because she looked so adorable. We avoided a food fight this time.

I got all rainbow decorations, but not without difficulty. I didn't want to take Hanna out in public yet, because she already comes with me to drop off Brook. And she wears sunglasses, and a hat, and a hoodie just during that. And her hands shake if we see people. But she wanted to go and insisted she'd be fine. So, we drove to the Party City about 10 minutes away. But, she had a panic attack before we even got to the section we needed to be in, so we left and went home.

I definitely didn't want to leave her home alone, but when she was napping, I got to the store, and picked up everything I needed. All within 45 minutes, and still leaving Hanna sleeping pretty peacefully.

I set orders for 3 pizzas to be delivered the day if the party. Again, while Hanna napped, I flew to Target and got all the food we'd need. I wrapped the presents I've been holding for many months, and picked up a few new ones. I hired a face-painter and rented a bouncy-castle, which is done for every birthday party of hers, starting when she was 4.

I sent out custom-made invites a few weeks before the party. Only to a few of her school friends, Spencer and Toby, and-with a lot of contemplating-my mom. It was a total of 7 people, plus me and her.

And of course...Hanna.

Since we're having the party at home, I'm not sure how the fuck this is going to work. I don't want her to be confined to staying upstairs, she's had enough of that. But also, all the kids might overwhelm her. Plus with my mom, Spencer and Toby, she might react badly. I guess I'll leave it up to her. It's the day before the party, and I'm tired.

I'm always tired, but that's because of Hanna. Well, not exactly because of her. Every night, she's been having these night terrors. About 5 or 6 a night, and they last about 5 minutes each. Meaning, 5 minutes of her just screaming and hyperventilating. Then, there's the "aftermath" as I call it. Where she'll cry, and say things that he did to her. Those last about 30 minutes. I'm only getting about 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night, because I have to stay awake and watch her. Also, I have to lull Brook back to sleep if she gets woken by Hanna's cries. This sleep schedule, it's like having another baby.

It's almost time for me to go get Brook, which means I have to rouse Hanna. I hate disturbing her peaceful sleep, plagued only by the occasional stir. But, I don't want to leave her, and I have to get Brook. So I go into the living room, where she's on the couch, laying in a pillow. I kneel beside and gently rub her shoulder, being careful to avoid the huge bruise. "Hey, baby, it's time to get up, we have to go get Brookily." I say, and she remains laying still as a rock. Then, without warning, see shrieks and catapults up, breathing heavily. My heart beats stupidly fast again. "What's wrong, baby?" I say, giving her my hand to take if she wants to. She skips the hand, and just straight up falls into my arms. She sobs into my shirt, talking, but I can't understand her. I try to calm her down. "Baby, you need to breathe. Take a few deep breaths, love. That's it." I urge quietly, rubbing her head.

Finally, she says something audible. "Here. Here." She says. I try to piece together what she's saying.

"Here? Was...he here? Is that what you mean?" She nods feverishly.

Before I can soothe her, shestarts crying again. "Here. He was here. And he wants to take me away. And you weren't there. And Brook wasn't there. He took me. And he put me in his trunk. And he locked me in a basement She says, coughing. I gape at her.

"No baby, it was just a dream. He wasn't here, he'll never come here, baby. I promise, cross my heart, hope to die." I tell her honestly, but she shakes her head.

"He was here. Where were you when he took me?"mShe asks brokenly. I kind of panic. If she had this dream, and it was as vivid as she's saying, has she lost the small piece of trust she placed in me?

"Baby...I'll never let him take you. Ever. Please believe me?"I beg, and she looks at me with puppy eyes.

"You promise? You'll never let him take me? Ever? And he'll hurt me again?" She say in a thick voice, and I nod.

"Yes, baby. I swear on my life." I say, rubbing the back of head and kissing her forehead. I rock her, and sing her songs. She starts to fall asleep in my arms, and I manage to get her into the bedroom. I wrap her in a blanket. "Sleep tight, baby." I whisper in her ear, giving her cheek another kiss.

I go downstairs, and call Spencer and ask her to pick up Brook. Thank God, she's only a few minutes from the school, so she turns around. I tell her to take Brook out for food and to a movie or something, while I try to figure out the party situation. She says yes, but sounds weird. I'm sure she knows about Hanna. She has a way of figuring out everything.

I try to do some cleaning, but within 15 minutes, Hanna's up again and screaming. As I rock her crying form back and forth, I try to send some of the love I have for her in my heart into her heart. I hope it'll at least start to mend the deep wounds on her soul. I try to patch her with love. And I think it might've worked, because the next nap she took, was nightmare free.

* * *

On Brook's birthday, I get up almost 2 hours early, fighting my exhaustion. When I go back to work, it'll be worse I'm sure. I'm taking a leave, which is lasting almost 2 months. I'm the boss of the business, so I won't get any shit.

Hanna only woke up 3 times, but those 3 times were extra horrible. Brook had stumbled into the room, but I managed to convince her she was dreaming.

I wash my face, and put my hair up. The house has a different energy today. I try fight a smile, but I can't. My baby girl's 8. My little baby, my Brooklyn. She's 8. In 2 years, she'll have been alive for a decade. In 8 more years, she'll be 16. I know it seems stupid to think about that, because it's 8 years away, but look how quickly these 8 years have passed.

I get emotional as I walk to Brook's room. There's pictures of her on the walls, and I feel like I'm living in a photo album. "God, Emily." I quietly yell at myself. I look at the handiwork I did last night. After Brook fell asleep, I hung a bunch of rainbow streamers from all the doorways including her's. I filled her room with balloons filled with glitter. I didn't deck out the house for the party yet, though.

While I look at a picture of her and Spencer, I remember what Spencer had said yesterday. When she got here with Brook, she pulled me aside right away. "Brook mentioned something about her...other mommy, Hanna Marin." She said, glassy-eyed. I sighed.

"She's here. In the house. She has been for like a week and a half." I said, and she sighed, holding her face.

"She...how is she?" She said thickly. "And don't sugarcoat it."

I sighed, feeling my own tears in my eyes. "Holy fuck, Spence. She's...so bad. Fragile. He broke her. She has these panic attacks, and nightmares, and she can't breathe. My poor baby, he convinced her she's worthless." I said, wiping away salty tears. Spencer repeated my action. "Oh my god, that's...awful. Do think I'll be...able to see her at some point?" She said, and I gave her my best answer.

"Maybe."

Now, as I stand in the hallway, I finally walk to Brook's room. I open the door, and she's laying in bed, sprawled out like a starfish. I start to sing Happy Birthday, and she wakes up almost instantly. "Happy Birthday, baby girl!" I say to her, and she smiles wide.

"I'm 8! I'm 8, mommy!" She says, getting out of bed and hugging me tightly.

"I know, Brookily. I can't believe it." I say, trying to put as much love into the hug as I can conjure up.

When Brook looks at the decorations in her room, she gasps happily. "My room's like a party boat!" She says, and I chuckle. "Thank you so much! I think this is gonna be the best birthday ever!" She says, hugging me again. She has the same reaction when she sees the hallway. "Let's so get mommy!" Brook says after she goes to the bathroom, and I nod. I debated waking Hanna to get Brook, but wanted to let her sleep. But, when we go into the master bedroom, I nearly faint.

She taped more rainbow streamers across the room, and blew up a few balloons. She's smiling by the door. "Happy birthday, Brook!" She says lovingly, and Brook runs into her arms. I hear Hanna say "You're 8. And I haven't been in your life for 8 years, and I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you, somehow.", and I tear up immediately, my love for the 2 girls in front of me so big, it can fill up 718 galaxies with no room to spare.

* * *

"Oh my gosh, you look so pretty!" Hanna and I both coo, while I snap pictures. My daughter's wearing a tulle layered dress, with each layer a different color of the rainbow. It didn't cost very much, so it'll be good to play in. She's also going to get a few rainbow hearts on her face with face paint one the artist gets here.

Now, as she stands in front of the mirror, I nearly cry at how beautiful she looks. She let Hanna do her hair, which took almost an hour. She made a braid into a headband, and pinned Brook's loose curls up in the back with a large white bow. It looked stunning, and Brook liked it. It was also secure, so when she jumps in the bouncy castle, it won't fall.

I'd made Brook 8 small pancakes, and with some experimenting with dye, made them all rainbow colored.

"Okay, let's make sure everything's ready." I say, getting up from my crouched position. Hanna sighs as Brook skips down the stairs to the kitchen. I look at her. "What's up, Han?" I say, and she shakes her head dismissively.

"It's nothing big...just...I'm sad I won't be able to be a part of Brook's party." She says, looking down. My heart shakes, and I take her hand.

"I'm sorry, love. It's not your fault. After the party's over, we'll all spend time together, okay?" I say, trying to make her feel better. She nods, despair in her eyes, but covers it with a smile. If I didn't know her, I would've thought she's fine. "I'm okay. Just...can you tell me when the cake's being cut? I wanna watch from the window." She says sheepishly, and I say of course.

I see a large van pulling up in front of the house, with Krazy Kid's Parties printed on the side in red, kooky lettering. "Okay, I have to go get the bouncy castle up and stuff. I'll check on you in little while, 'Kay?" I say to Hanna, and she nods.

"Have fun." She says thickly, and before I can start comforting her, she walks into the bedroom and shuts the door.

I sigh as I walk downstairs.

Oh boy.

The giggles of the kids jumping in the bouncy castle makes me smile widely as I pop another grape into my mouth. Spencer and Toby are talking to my mom about their baby that's due in a few months. I'm chatting with one of Brook's friend's mom.

When Spencer and Toby arrived, they had a joyful greeting from Brook, and myself. I haven't seen Toby in almost 4 months, and I missed him. He's a good guy.

Then my mom arrived, and a very awkward air radiated around us for a few beats. Then Brook gave her a hug and my mom gave Brook her wrapped present, so the awkwardness was kinda forgotten. I'd debated about going up to see Hanna, when more people arrived, so I decided against it.

The kids all enjoyed the face painter and bouncy castle, calling this the "best birthday party they've ever been too!". Which gave me time I planned to check on Hanna, something pulled my attention away. So I haven't yet, but thinking of what she asked me to do, I realize we should cut the cake.

The party's from 12 to 3, and it's a half an hour 1. I announce it's time to cut the cake, and and all the kids race out of the bouncy castle like bats out of hell. They gather around the table, all marveling the cake. But, I know Hanna wants to see it. So I say I have to go the bathroom quickly. I excuse myself, and jog up the stairs.

But as I near the bedroom door, I halt. I hear Hanna talking to herself, but it doesn't sound like her. My heart starts to beat.

"Worthless. Ugly. Stupid. No one loves you." It's a low, gruff voice, but it's Hanna nonetheless. "You're...horrible...and...worthless...you...should...be...dead." She says, with long breaks in between. Then, she just sobs. I hear a small clatter and more sobs. "What have you done to yourself?" She cries, and that's when I make my legs move.

I walk into the bedroom, and she looks up at me. Her mouth open and her eyes widen. She looks like a deer caught in headlights. I look down. My heart falls. My stomach falls. My head falls. My words fall. _Everything_ falls at what I'm seeing.

I hear the giggles of kids, but they sound miles and miles away. My mouth feels stuffed with cotton. I feel like I'm drowning. Hanna looks pained beyond words. My palms shake and sweat. Finally I can speak. "Oh, Hanna..."

* * *

**Ooh, Shit! What do you think happened? We get a pretty big shocker in the next chapter ;) Sorry this is so long, but I sign think you guys _really_ mind :)**

**And by the way, in case you can't tell, I have no plan for this story, just notes and ideas. So, I'm open to suggestions. :) Also, any ideas for stories of Hannily's early friendship (the begginings of the chapters) are greatly accepted and appreciated :)**

**Also, I think I'm going to start naming chapters, just so ya'll know :)**

**I'll hopefully see you lovelies soon, so follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**So much love, ~Ella :)**


	15. 1000 Forms Of Pain

**Wow, I can't believe this updating schedule I'm going on right now! Considering there was a typo in the first author's note last chapter, you can really see how freaking tired I am. I wrote this whole (kinda short) chapter while holding a sleeping baby, just so you know. So, mistakes will be made. (Please ignore the fact that I just sounded like an old art teacher).**

**Thank you all for the reviews! Let's get into this story!**

**WARNING: Severe triggers, and ****Haleb fans, please don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story.**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

_You're not a strong person._

_If you've learned one thing in all of this hopeless crush shit, it's that you're not as strong as you once thought you were. You're completely weak and have no control. Before Hanna, you were strong as hell. Rarely any tears, and if you wanted something, you got it. But now, you can't even control your own emotions._

_Hanna just waltzes into your life, and you feel as helpless as a baby._

_But the point is, you're not strong anymore. Not even just with Hanna. Your mom yells at you, you cry silently. You see a sad story on the news, you clench the couch pillows until your threatening tears pass._

_So, when your mom came into your room with puffy eyes, and said "Your father won't be home for Christmas this year", you fell apart quite a bit. Sobs, and deep, shaky breaths. You managed to keep it together until she left your room, barely hearing her say she's going to a restaurant with some friends. Only when you were alone in the house, did you let the tears fall._

_Then, despite yourself, you walked into the kitchen, and opened the fridge. Fuck it, your 16. You can take this. And you deserve it._

_You push aside the Tupperware containers, and grab a pint of vodka, completely knowing that your mom has long forgotten it. You pour some into a glass, then add some Tropicana orange juice. You take a long sip, coughing as the liquid burns your throat._

_Then, after the glass is half empty, you're drunk as shit. Your a complete lightweight, a sip of Champagne would probably get you drunk immediately._

_You're studying a tear that fell from your eyes and landed on the counter when the house phone rings. "Fuck." You mutter, assuming it's your mom. You try to sound sober as you stumble to the phone. "Hello?" You say, squinting at the bright kitchen light, as you'd been in the dark dining room._

_"Hey, Em! Can you come over? I need your advice, I'm going on a date with Caleb, and I can't decide what dress I want." Hanna says, and her loud voice makes you flinch and close your eyes._

_"I can't, I, uh..." You start to say, when you get distracted by a ticking clock. Her voice brings you back to reality._

_"Em? Are you okay? You sound sick." She says, and if you weren't drunk as absolute shit, you'd hear the worry in her voice._

_"I'm...fine..." You slur, and you hear a bit of shuffling._

"_No, you're not. I'll be there in 10." She says, and you're about to try to change her mind, when you're met with a beep and a sharp dial tone. You groan, putting the phone on the counter._

_You forget about the half-filled drink on the dining room table, and open the fridge again. You chug a blue Gatorade, but it does nothing for your intoxication._

_"Fuck it. Hanna won't judge." You slur to nobody, deciding to refill your glass._

_Exactly 8 minutes later-at least you think-Hanna opens the unlocked door. I could've gotten kidnapped, holy fuck. You think. After a few seconds of Hanna calling your name, she appears in the dining room. She looks at you curiously._

_"Em? What's up?" She says, turning on the light. You shield your eyes._

_"Ah, fuck. Turn that shit off!" You curse, pissed off. Hanna doesn't turn off the light._

_"Em..." She says, then she notices the near-empty pint of Vodka on the table. She picks it up and shakes it. You snatch it from her._

_"We need more vodka." You mutter, taking another sip of your drink._

_"Why are you drunk?" She says, sitting beside you. You glare at her._

_"Why the fuck not?" You say angrily. She holds up her hands. You look away. You're any angry drunk, at first._

_"Okay." She says simply._

_"What about Caleb? Doesn't he need you?" You say, and it comes out horribly bitter, but you don't care._

_"You're more important, Em. I canceled with him." She says softly, and even though she means it like a friend, it makes your heart smile a little bit._

_"I can't believe it's only 2 weeks to Christmas. Then it'll be a whole new year." She says off-handedly, after a period of silence. A heavy emotion fills you suddenly as she says Christmas. It's overwhelming. As it starts to boil over, you speak again._

_"My dad's not coming home for Christmas." You say quickly, so you won't start sobbing. If you were talking to anyone but Hanna, they wouldn't of heard you. She whips her head around to look at you. You nod, as if to confirm that's what you said._

_Connections form in her eyes. This is why you're drunk. This is why you're mad. This is why there's dried tears on your cheeks. "Oh, Em..." She says, and that's all it takes for the waterworks to be unleashed. "Come here, baby." She says, opening her arms. You fall into her arms, and cry into her shirt. She soothes you with her voice, and rubs your back. She guides you both to the couch. You lie against her, starting to feel better, than starting to sob again._

_And in that moment of you crying and her soothing, you realize just how much you love having Hanna in your life._

_Sure, you're desperately in love with her. But, she's also an amazing friend. She'll always be there. Other friends come and go. Other friends turn the other way when you're drunk or sad. Other friends will blow up your phone when they need you, but will_

_But Hanna...Hanna will always be there._

_Always._

* * *

"Oh, Hanna..." I say, riddled and filled with despair.

She looks up at me her lip quivering like Jello. "I..." Is the only thing she can stutter out.

There's a small blade of a utility knife, laying in a splattering of blood. The red liquid is seeping from Hanna's upper thigh. There's so many long scars, and they're on her wrists also. I feel like a fucking idiot for not seeing them sooner.

Her hands are shaking furiously, and she looks like she's going fall over. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused, but I know she can see me. "Baby...what..." I say, when her choked sobs finally escape her throat. She takes huge breaths, and when my legs work again, I run to her side.

She looks at what she's done to herself, and then looks at me with horror, as if to say _Who did this to me? _

"What have I done?" She wails, as if she hasn't seen the blood and cuts before. I look for something to wrap around her open and leaking wounds, but can't find anything close enough. So, I strip off my shirt, and wrap it around her upper thighs. It leaves me in just a tank top, but I don't care.

"Baby, breathe. Breathe. What have you done to yourself?" I say, trying to wrap my mind around the situation. _She cut herself._ She's been through so much pain, why would she be inflicting more pain on herself? _Purposely_?

Her sobs rake her trembling body. Blood still drips from her thigh, but not as severely. _I have no idea what to do!_ I've never been in a situation like this! "Baby, why? Why would you do this?" I ask pointlessly again, and she just sobs harder. I've completely forgotten about the party. My thoughts are solely on the girl wrapped in my arms.

After a short while, I pull away slightly. "Baby, talk to me. Why would you hurt yourself?" I say, desperately needing to know why she'd do this. She just shakes her head.

"He made me." She whispers, and I have to strain to hear her. When I do, I nearly choke.

"What do you mean?" I say, fearing the worst possible scenario. _Was he here? _She tries to talk, but just keeps sobbing. I hold her to me, never wanting to let go. She's suffering so horribly, and I can't do anything. I just want to take her pain away. I want her pain to hurt me, not her. She doesn't deserve this.

"W-When I l-lived with h-him. He-" she starts to say, when the door to the bedroom slowly opens. I whip my head up, and Hanna lets out a petrified scream. She curls into a ball in my arms. It's like a toddler in a haunted house. Except the toddler is a grown woman, and the haunted house is her life.

I look at the intruder. It's...Spencer. She's not looking at me. She's looking at Hanna. With so much sadness, disbelief, fear, and happiness in her eyes. Then Spencer looks at me. We share a look. A look that conveys so many things, it could be put into a 500-page novel. I focus back on Hanna. She's not sobbing anymore, just breathing heavily and quickly.

"Baby, it's okay. Spencer won't hurt you." I rock her and she pushes her face into my chest. After a moment of Spencer looking at Hanna, I speak. "Hanna, can you look at me?" I ask gently, and slowly, she looks up.

I notice the biggest bruise on her face is fading greatly. And the scratches on her nose and cheeks are less red and skinnier. But, the monsters in her eyes have multiplied. The pain has been worsened and tripled. _How_? I've been showering her with love and affection? _Does she not like it here?_

I also note her beauty. The eyes that made me fall in love with her in the first place. The lips that I've kissed multiple times. The cheeks that I've attempted to put blush on, and failed.

"Hanna, this is Spencer. You remember Spencer, don't you?" I say carefully. I feel like I'm talking to a toddler. She glances at Spencer, and nods quickly. "Yeah. She said she really wants to see you. Can you say hi to her?" I say, not wanting to overwhelm her. She looks at me for a moment, then turns around in my embrace.

She looks at Spencer, and smiles shyly. I swear I see tears in Spencer's brown eyes.

"Hello, Hanna." She says, smiling disbelievingly. Hanna smiles again.

"H-hi, Spence." She says quietly. I smile widely. Progress. A lot of progress. I think to myself. "W-when are y-you due?" Hanna says, looking at Spencer's stomach. Then something surprising happens. Spencer laughs out loud. And so does Hanna. And so do I. It's a beautiful sound, our laughter blending together, and filling the room.

"January." Spencer says, touching her stomach. Hanna smiles.

"That's amazing. You're gonna love being a mom. I do." She says, then her eyes widen, and she blushes, looking down. My heart explodes with love, for what felt like the 829th time in a day. Spencer smiles, sharing a look with me.

Then, we're all silent. While I'm thinking about why Spencer came in here, remember the party. I still have to cut the cake. I get an idea, but it might be horrible.

"Hanna, I have a question for you." I start gently. She looks at me, nervously, and nods. "Do you think you could stay with Spencer, just for a little bit? I have to go cut Brook's cake." I say, carefully. "Only if your comfortable."

Hanna looks at me, then Spencer, who's still standing by the door, a gentle, reassuring smile on her face. "Yeah. But only for a little bit, okay?" She says, and I nod.

"That's fine. Thank you for letting me do this. I'll be back in just a little while, okay?" I say, and she nods. I slowly stand up, and she stands with me. Her legs buckle though, and that's when Spencer notices the shirt tied around Hanna's leg, and the dried, crusted blood on the floor.

She also sees the bloody razor that landed by the bathroom door. She looks at me. Did she, she mouths to me, raising her wrist and dragging a finger over it. I nod sadly. She sucks her lips into her mouth.

Hanna sits on the bed, shying away from Spencer a little bit. I grab a button-up hanging on my doorknob, and throw it over my tank top. Spencer stays where she is. I give Hanna a quick kiss in the cheek, before smiling at her, and walking out the bedroom.

"Careful, Spence. She's fragile." I whisper to Spencer before jogging down the stairs, and smoothing my hair. I wipe off the dried blood on my jeans, then dust it to the floor, not wanting the guests to think I had a period attack.

The kids and adults looks relived when I come back. I'm about to walk to the table, when Toby pulls on the hem of my shirt from his chair. "Em..." He says, and in that moment, I know he knows about Hanna. "Is she okay?" He whispers, concern in his eyes. Toby and Hanna were never that close, but they were friends. I sigh.

"She will be." I tell him, keeping the shakiness out of my voice. He looks like he wants to say something more, but I don't let him. I walk to the table, and grab a cutting knife. As I touch the handle, I shiver, remembering what I just witnessed Hanna do to herself.

"Let us eat cake!" I say, smiling, albeit kinda fake. I ask Brook to stand next to me. She gives me a look that says where's Spencer? But I ignore it. As I grab the lighter, I cast a look at the window, hoping all's okay with Hanna and Spencer. Then, I shake my head, and focus on singing to my daughter.

* * *

"Bye, Katie! Thanks for coming!" Brook shouts from the door, waving at her friend. I wave at Katie's mom, then shut the door. I sigh, and Brook looks at me. "This has been the best birthday ever! Thanks mommy!" She says, hugging me around the waist. I mimic her actions, kissing the top of her head.

"You're welcome, love." I respond. Right before we opened presents, I went and checked on Hanna and Spencer. Hanna was passed out on the bed, her chest rising and falling steadily. According to Spencer, Hanna just wouldn't let her sit on the bed. Other than that, she was fine. She talked about Brook.

"Now, go play with your new toys while I clean up." I say to my still-sugar-filled daughter, and she nods, skipping to the living room.

Collectively, she got more than 30 presents. A new doll set from me, 2 books about New York, the new Kids Bop CD, and a made-for-kids makeup set. She got entirely new baby doll furniture from my mom, as well as a kid's bible, and 4 dresses with matching hair bows. She got art sets, puzzles, clothes, doll stuff, and candy from her friends, and Spencer and Toby got her a huge new Barbie house, along with a beading kit.

But hopefully, my big gift to her will be better than all those things. It'll take place in a few weeks, and I know it'll send her over the moon. I'm just nervous to see how it goes over with Hanna.

It's a set of 3 roundtrip tickets to New York.

* * *

**Yay, Spencer finally saw Hanna! You guys will get a glimpse of that friendship next chapter. Also, I'm sorry that Hanna's cutting herself. Don't worry, it'll get better. ;)**

**Okay, so I'm going to start doing something. I'll only update when the chapter gets 5 or more reviews. Okay? Okay. (Whoops, sorry, didn't mean to get all TFIOS on you guys.)**

**Anyway, pardon my weirdness. Follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I'll see you lovelies soon :) ~Ella**

**P.S, The infamous baby daddy (or should I say Brooky daddy, tehehe) makes an appearance next chapter ;)**


	16. Broken Glass and Broken Hearts

**Yay! Another chapter! Ya'll can thank my sister, she's taken charge of the baby so I can update, because she reads this story also (cue laughing emoji).**

**Here's another installment, and this chapter is...upsetting. Also, I've been planning out how I want this story to go. It's probably going to be between 30 and 40 chapters, but no promises. And, it's not going to have a happy ending. There might be a sequel with a happy ending, but the ending to _this_ story will not be happy. Just so you know :) But don't worry, this story's just getting started ;) Now, let's get on with it!**

**WARNING: Severe triggers, and Haleb fans, please don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story.**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_"Emily! Come down here!" Your mom calls, and you roll your eyes, groaning. You were texting with Hanna, and while she was blabbing on about _him_, you were enjoying her company, though just through a screen. You tell her you'll be back._

_You trudge down the stairs, scratching your many mosquito bites. You know it's just a side effect of summer, but it's still shitty to be itchy all the time. You walk into the kitchen, grabbing a can of soda. She has a huge smile on her face. You gasp a bit when you realize a possible reason why. _

_"Is dad coming home?" You say, getting excited. She shakes her head, and your spirits go down. "Well then what's got you so smiley?" You say, sitting on the island. She doesn't even reprimand you. _Wow, she's really happy.

_"I just got off the phone. The Hastings' are moving back to Rosewood!" She announces joyfully, and after her words sink in, you squeal excitedly._

_"Really? That's amazing!" You cry, giving your mother a huge hug. "When?" You say, and she smiles again._

_"In about a week! They'll be moving into the house that's for sale near the Mall." She says, and you can't keep the smile off your face._

_"I have to go tell Hanna!" You say, bolting to your room. You pick up your phone, and call her. She answers after 1 ring._

_"Did mom chew you out?" She asks, and you shake your head. Then remember she can't see you._

_"No! Guess what?" You say, and she's quiet for a moment._

_"You're happy. Is dad coming back?" She asks, and you shake your head again._

_"Nope. Spencer's moving back to Rosewood!" You say, and she gasps._

_"Holy crap, really?" She squeals happily._

_"Yeah! In like a week!" You say, unable to contain your happiness._

_"Yay! I miss her so much! Yay!" Hanna says, and you agree._

_You've known Spencer for longer then you've known Hanna. Your mom and her mom have been best friends since they were teens, so you were kinda bred to be friends. Spencer is 90% of your entire childhood. Long sleepovers, birthday parties, giggling at words like _fart_ and _sex_. She's more or less the Hanna of your younger life. The only big difference is you're not massively in love with Spencer._

_Her and Hanna already knew each other when you met her in middle school. So, you guys were all like the 3 amigos. So when she said she was moving to New York, you were heartbroken. It was a couple months before the end of 7th grade, so you tried to make the absolute most of the last months you all had together._

_Spencer also gave you some amazing advice regarding Hanna. She said you were like her sister-and that meant so much to you. You'd never had a sister, but Spencer was the closest thing to it._

_On the day of the move, you 3 all had a hug that lasted until her mom called from the car. She'd looked up, sniffling. "I love you crazy bitches so much. And don't you ever forget that." She said, wiping away both of your guys' tears. You both smiled at her._

_"We love you, to. And we'll never forget it." Hanna had said, speaking for both of you. You could just smile, not able to talk. She then walked to the car, holding your's and Hanna's hands until the last possible moment. And as she drove away, you blew her a kiss._

_So, the news that she's coming back gives you so much happiness._

_On the day that her family pulled back into Rosewood, you and Hanna were waiting at her new house, it's _For Sale _sign absent from the yard. As the large silver SUV pulled around the corner, you and Hanna both stood, smiling widely. As soon as it came to a stop, the back door flew open, and out came a tall, skinny, and beautiful girl, who you barely recognized._

_"Holy shit, Spence, you look like a model!" Hanna cried, and you nodded. She smilesmwidely, quickly taking you both in her arms. You closed your eyes, smiling into her shoulder. After a long, long hug, you could finally speak._

_"I'm so glad you're back." You whispered. She looked at you._

_"Me too, Em." She said, then pulled back. "Okay, I need to know everything. How's the family? How's school? How's that chick from physics with the birthmark on her face?" Spencer says, and you laugh. So does Hanna. _

_"Oh! And..." She says, smiling coyly at you both. "Are you guys dating yet?" She says, and Hanna laughs loudly. Meanwhile, your stomach drops. Spencer goes on and keeps talking to Hanna, but you can't move._

_You know she meant it as a joke, but it still gave you heart convulsions for some reason. You hear Hanna respond to her. "Practically. We're like an old married couple. Right, Em?" She says, and you squeeze your eyes shut, your feelings going through the roof._

_"Y-yeah, sure." You say to Hanna, and she bumps your hip._

_So this is how it's gonna be with Spencer back._

Fuck_._

* * *

I hold my water glass in my hand, rubbing my forehead.

It's almost 1 in the morning, but I don't feel like going to bed yet. Brook has school tomorrow, which is good. Because while I love her, I'm a bit overwhelmed.

Ever since I walked in on Hanna...hurting herself, I've been shaky. And Hanna's been downright terrified. She's been crying most of the time, and if she's not crying or screaming, she's far-away, staring at nothing. And I know Brook's sensed it.

When I was tucking her in, she'd asked "Is mommy sick? She's acting funny...and sad." Brook had said, worry and concern in her voice. I gave her my honest thought.

"She's just sad and scared, I think. She'll be alright." I told my daughter, putting some of her worries to rest. I'd left it at that.

I'm about to walk into the living room to watch TV, when the worst, most terrifying screams I've ever heard ricochet from upstairs.

In my shock, I drop the water glass, and it shatters all over the floor. I don't even notice or care. I launch myself up the stairs, taking 2 at a time. I run to the master bedroom, dizzy from running so fast. I fling open the door.

She's on the floor, screaming at the top of her lungs. She's locked in a paroxysm of terror and pain. "Hanna! Hanna! Hanna, baby! Wake up!" I shout to her, but her screams drown out my voice completely. I drop to my knees, and try to soothe her, but she won't let me. She thrashes, gasping for oxygen. Her feet and arms pound the floor widely.

"Hanna! Baby, please open your eyes! You're safe with me!" I cry furiously, trying to break her nightmare. I grab both of her arms, and pin them above her head. She fights for everybody in the world, with strength I've never seen on a human being. She's never done anything like this before, I can't even imagine what's so horrible in her head that's causing her to do this.

I've never seen anything like this-I once met a girl who was handcuffed and raped most of her life, and even _she_ didn't act this bad.

She kicked at me, nailing her feet into my legs a few times, but I just grit my teeth and take it. This _isn't_ Hanna. This is hundreds of demons, doing battle against her.

"Please, baby! You're safe with me! Nothing's gonna hurt you here!" I say, and she just keeps screaming and kicking.

Finally, the screams peak, then die. Her body goes limp. I turn my body, and pull her head into my lap. I try not to cry, but I can't help it.

"Hanna? Are you awake, love?" Her eyes blink open after a moment, and she looks at me, her expression blank. Then, she turns her head to the side away from me, and pukes. I'm a mom; Vomit doesn't bother me one bit. I look around me, and grab the towel I used that night, when I showered. I wipe the sweat of Hanna's head, and wipe her mouth. She murmurs, and her eyes start to focus.

"I deserve this." She says robotically.

"What do you mean, baby?" I say, confused. She repeats herself.

"I deserve pain. I deserve to suffer. I'm horrible. I am, I am, I am." She says, and I seize.

"Baby, stop. You deserve none of this. You're perfect, and beautiful, and innocent. Please, don't think that you deserve this, because you don't." I say, crying again, but trying not to let her see it.

"It's true." Suddenly, she adapts a highly drunken, angry, male voice. "You're a stupid little bitch. I could kill you and get away with it. You're so fucking worthless. And fat. And _so_ fucking ugly, it's ridiculous. You're lucky I let you live in my house." She mutters lowly. I freeze. There's so much...anger in her voice.

I'm about to speak again, when she speaks instead. "Don't...even...fucking...talk." She says, hitting me on the leg. It barely hurts physically, but it hurts my heart.

After a long, long time of her muttering curses and insults, I decide to get her into bed. I'm so close to sobbing, but I can't let her see that.

I stand up, and pull her with me. The smell of vomit still lingering on both of us makes my stomach heave, surprisingly. She flails her arms and kicks her legs weakly. I lay her down, wiping her mouth with my shirt again. She mutters curses and words like "worthless" until she falls asleep. I watch her for a while. She sleeps more peacefully than I've seen since she's been here.

I walk to the bathroom. I turn on the shower, glancing at the clock. It's been almost 2 hours since Hanna woke up.

What the fuck _was_ that?

She was terrified of the nightmare she was having, obviously. Then, I think she took the roll of someone else, Hanna _would_ never say things like that. Also, come to think of it, she was talking in the same voice she was talking in when she cut herself.

I've never seen, read about, or heard about anyone this...broken. I can't even begin to imagine what has happened to her. I can't even think about anything he could've done to her, especially to make her act like this.

I think she had walls built around her when I first saw her again. She would crack jokes, and only flinch and gasp if something happened. Maybe because she's gotten more comfortable with me, is why she's letting herself actually show me what she's really feeling. _God, I sound like a therapist._

As I stand in the shower, contemplating, I realize the reality of this situation.

Hanna's...broken. Wounded. Scarred. I don't know what's happened to her, and I don't even think I'll be able to take it if she tells be. I still have to get Brook to and from school, and take care of her. Also, I'm going back to work soon. I don't know how I'm going to leave her here, by herself, for most of the day.

As I think of Hanna's needs, I come up with a pact. A contract with myself.

Even if I feel like I might puke and scream, I'll let her tell me _anything_ she wants to. I won't push her, I won't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I'll let her eat as much as she wants, and cry as much as she wants, and sleep as much as she wants.

I'll make sure she's the happiest she can be, and I'll make sure I take care of her, and get her into a better place than she's in right now.

I'll do everything I can to keep her okay, and try to soothe her. But most of all, I'll do _everything_ in my power to convey how much I love her.

* * *

Hanna didn't wake up again for the rest of the night.

And that was good for her, but it means I stayed up all night, making sure she's okay. I also talked to her. I didn't realize what I was saying until I'd already said it.

"Hanna, I don't know what happened to you. I don't even think I want to. But I just want you to know; I'll be there. I'll stick by you, whatever you need, however crazy or demanding it is. I'll do everything in my power to help you through this. I love you so fucking much, you'll never know. I know you'll never love me the same way back, but I'll always love you." I said, wiping tears away.

And it's all true. I love her so fucking much, and I _always_ have.

When it reached 7:15, I debated not taking Brook to school. For 1, I'm sure Hanna's attack last night woke her, and for 2, I didn't want to leave Hanna here. But, I decided it was best to not disrupt Brook's schedule. So, I dragged myself out of bed, and gave Hanna a kiss on the head.

In my panic/haze of last night, I completely forgot about the cup I broke. I was only reminded by a large piece of glass slicing into my foot. I loudly exclaimed some curses, then shut up because I didn't want to wake the sleeping people in my house.

I cleaned up the glass before I tended to my foot, because I didn't want Brook or Hanna to come down and cut themselves. Also because my brain's not working properly.

After all the glass was gone from the floor, I pulled the huge shard from my foot, and held a washcloth to it. Once I wasn't bleeding anymore, I got back to my life.

I woke Brook at 7:30 after I had coffee, even though the knot in my stomach didn't want me to. I got her dressed and fed, and she wanted me to do her hair like it was for the party. I tried to do what Hanna did, but ended up failing horribly, and just making 2 small braids, and wrapping them around her head like a headband. She was slightly disappointed, but didn't _really_ care.

She gave (still-sleeping) Hanna a kiss, and a quiet "Love you, Mommy". I'm not sure if Hanna quite stirred, but I swear I saw a ghost of a smile on at her lips.

* * *

It's just past 1 when the doorbell rings. I sigh. Hanna was watching TV with me, and I felt her tense when the noise registered in her ears. "W-who's that?" She said, looking up at me with wide eyes. I shrug.

When she finally woke up around 9, she had no memory of the attack she had, and what she said to me. She smiled at me, and said good morning. Her eyes were puffy, there was still puke on her shirt, and her voice was immensely scratchy. But, she had no memory of the episode. She didn't even notice the puke.

She ate some oatmeal, but shortly after that, complained of nausea. I gave her tea.

We've been watching trashy Lifetime movies all day, and today was a cuddle-day. Instead of a stay-on-the-other-side-of-the-room day. That made me hugely happy, and gave me confirmation; she wasn't saying that stuff to _me_. She was repeating something she's heard, directed at _her_.

I'd also looked up what she did, and found something called "Repetitious Behavioral Disorder", which is when a victim repeats things they've heard, and takes the demeanor of the person that said it to them. It can be directed to anyone in the victim's life, but have nothing to do with them specifically.

God, I hate calling Hanna a _victim_. Even though she is.

The doorbell made me roll my eyes. Hanna and I are so comfortable. I gently nudge her off my lap. "Hey, baby, if you're scared, go to the bedroom." I tell her, and she looks at me.

"I hate being so weak, Em." She tells me sadly. My heart, again, cracks.

"It's okay, Han. Really. It'll get better." I tell her, rubbing her arm. She pulls me into a hug, sniffling. I hug her tight.

"God, I love you." She whispers, and my skin prickles. We're so lost in each other, we forget about the doorbell until it rings again. She jumps, then looks down, embarrassed.

We both stand up. I rub her arm, and she smiles at me, and starts walking up the stairs. I fix my messy bun, and straighten my pajama shirt.

I unlock the door and open it, and look at the visitor. It takes a moment for my brain and eyes to register who it is.

When I do, I internally gasp.

My heart lunges foreword, beating horribly fast. Memories and events flood through my head, making my body weak. He's taller than I remember, and he's put on some weight. He still has the charming-but-dangerous look about him, though. My throat goes dry. My eyes boggle, and my muscles turn to mush.

He looks at me, then smiles, slightly creepily.

For the first time in almost 9 years, I'm seeing the father of my daughter. The one she's asked countless questions about. I'm seeing Ben Coogan...

The one who raped me.

* * *

**Oh, shit. Did you guys see that coming?**

**Disclaimer: The "attack" Hanna had was based off of Cathy Glass' book _Damaged_. **

**Next chapter: Emily sees Ben. Ben wants to see Brook, but will Emily let it happen? Hanna's condition takes an odd turn. And Brook asks something that will have majorly effect Hannily, maybe for better, maybe for worse.**

**So until next chapter, favorite, follow, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I'll update when I get 5 reviews on this chapter, or more. Love you guys! -Ella :)**


	17. So We Meet Again

**I have one thing to say...11 REVIEWS?! I seriously love you all so much, each of those reviews made me so happy. So thank you guys! Keep it up :):)**

**So I split this chapter in 2, because I was way to long. I'll update again later today, with the 2nd part. I also wrote most of this at 4 am, and with a newborn crying every 5 seconds, I'm not exactly getting "rest". So, please excuse any errors. I didn't put a lot of effort into editing this. Enjoy anyway!**

**WARNING: Severe triggers, and Haleb fans, please don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

_As the line for the night club moves up a bit, Hanna squeals. "This is so awesome!" But you're nervous. As always;you're always nervous, worried, or embarrassed. Especially when it comes to Hanna._

_You'd been studying, since you're, you know, in _college_, but Hanna whined it's just a _crime_ to study on a Friday night. _

_So, she just "dressed" you, abused your hair, and put an immense amount of makeup on you and herself, and dragged you a few blocks from famous to a nightclub. You'd said your fake ID looks stupid, to which she argued "I know the bouncer. He won't card us. I promise."_

_As the loud laughs and music pumping out of the club get louder, you shiver. Partly from nerves, party from your "clothes". It's a black mini skirt, with metal rings around it. You have bright red tights underneath, and a ruffled red crop top. Hanna had insisted on a black bandana, and black heels._

_She was wearing a shirt made of red lace, with a black push-up bra underneath. She was wearing a skirt you'd bought for her, made of black leather, that hugged her curves amazingly. She had matching red tights wrapped around her legs, and black heels that clack loudly._

_"Em, I know the bouncer. He'll let us in, believe me." She says, rubbing your bare arm. You shiver, but for a different reason._

_As you approach the door, Hanna smiles reassuringly. That eases your nerves slightly. Finally, you're standing in front of the door, and a tall, tattooed man looks at you and Hanna, smiling when he sees the blonde. "Hey, Han? Why haven't I seen you recently?" He said, in a slightly Italian accent. Hanna shrugs, smiling adorably._

_"I've been busy, Razor. College and shit. Now, pardon us, we're gonna get shit-faced." Hanna says, waving at him. He pretends to focus on his watch, and Hanna grabs your wrist, yanking you through the door. You gawk at her. He barely noticed _you_. You wonder how she has these connections._

_You look around the club, nodding approvingly. The entire club's lighted by blue, pink, and purple lights. There's a bunch of fuzzy purple couches on both sides of the club, an an enormous DJ booth in the back corner, next to a huge bar._

_Hanna pulls you through the crowd towards the bar. You step on a few people's toes, but you can't stop to say sorry. Hanna stops at the bar, and a tall women with short, bright red hair turns to her. "What can I get you two gorgeous ladies?" She says in a deep voice, and you instantly feel protective and jealous over Hanna. You move closer to her._

_"4 tequila shots." Hanna says quickly, and you groan._

_"Do we have to get drunk?" You whine, and Hanna shoots you a look that says of course! The bartender puts down the 4 shot glasses, and you glare at them. She picks up 2, then looks at you. You mimic her, the smell already dominating your stomach._

_"Let's do this." She says, giddily. "Love you, babe." She says, kissing your cheek. Before you can process your feelings, your throwing tequila down your throat. _

_"Ah, fuck!" You curse loudly, your eyes watering. You take the 2nd one also, and nearly gag as it burns your throat. You look at Hanna. She has the same pained expression, but she looks happier than you. She looks at you._

_"You got lipstick on your cheek, babe." She says, giggling. "Here, lemme get it off." She says, licking her thumb slowly, and wiping it on your cheek. You freeze, your knees buckling. She's giggles in your ear. "Boom. Now, the dance floor's not gonna dominate itself! Let's go, cutie." She says, and you have no choice to follow her._

Fuck, this is gonna be a long night.

* * *

_After the 2 more shots, a Piña Colada, and half of Hanna's Sunrise, you're so trashed. You're stumbling and slurring, but your head is lighter, and you're happier. You've never been this trashed in your entire life._

_You two dance wildly on the dance floor, singing loudly to the Miley Cyrus that's blaring. She mashes her lips into your cheek. "You glad we came?" She slurs into you ear, and you nod, giggling._

_"I love you, Hanna." You say into her ear, and she kisses your cheek again._

_"I love you...too!" She says, and you shake your head._

_"No, I love you...as more than a friend. I want you, Hanna. I want all of you. You drive me crazy, I've been in love with you since we met." You say, feeling more sober. Her expression's blank. _

_Then, the next thing you know, you're being shoved against the wall of the club, Hanna's lips on your's. Her lips taste like tequila and orange from the Sunrise she'd had._

_You melt into her mouth, never wanting to stop kissing her. You haven't kissed her in like 2 years. And you missed it horribly. She tastes amazing. You try to savor her as much as you can. The world melts away into a blur. She presses your bodies closer together._

_Finally, she pulls away, and looks at you, eyes darkened with lust and love. "I love you to, Emily. So fucking much." She whispers, and your heart leaps. And falls. And does so many things. She loves you back! Kiss her! Now! Your brain shouts, and so you do._

_You kiss her with as many feelings as you can muster, trying to convey your love. You spend the rest of the night making out like there's no tomorrow, wrapped in each other's love and affection._

* * *

_For the first time in almost 9 years, I'm seeing the father of my daughter. The one she's asked countless questions about. I'm seeing Ben Coogan..._

_The one who raped me._

My heart feels like it's either going to stop, or go into hypo-overdrive.

"Emily Fields. How are you?" He says, like he's your neighbor. You can't talk. He cocks his head. "Are you mute?" He says, and you nearly choke him. _Why the fuck is he so nonchalant? Why is he even here? What the fuck does he fucking want?_ I scream at myself. I want to scream at him, but my throat's frozen and dry.

"Well...can I come in?" He asks, looking beyond my head, into the house. I move and block his view. I shake my head, words finally coming out of my mouth.

"No! No, you really fucking can't. _Why_ are you even here?" I spit, glaring. He sighs.

"Listen, Emily. I'm really, really sorry for what I did to you. I was drunk...and sick. But I've had help! I'm better now, I promise. But I need to know something." He says, and a fiery anger bubbles in my stomach.

_You're sorry? You're fucking sorry?_ My anger nearly boils over, but I control it.

"You're sorry? Ben, you fucking _raped_ me. You punched me, covered my mouth, and raped me until you were satisfied. I was broken! You fucking broke me, and you say you're sorry?" I yell incredulously. He looks away. Saying a part of what he did to me, gave me shivers. I feel so stupid;look at Hanna. And I'm shivering because I was raped _once_.

I don't care if he was drunk, or sick, or whatever the _fuck_ his excuse is. _He raped me!_ He violated me. He disappeared after that, so even if I wanted to-which I didn't-tell him about his child that he wrongly impregnated me with, I couldn't. I hate him so much. I want him to go to jail and have some ugly fucking guard castrate him.

Him and Caleb.

"What else can I say? But Emily, I need something from you." He pleads, and I keep glaring.

"And...why the fuck do you think I'd even ask what you need, Ben? I wouldn't give a flying shit if you dropped dead, I hope you get that!" I yell, trying to keep my anger at bay-unsuccessfully. He sighs, looking me in the eye. I look away. His eyes bring back painful memories.

"I know. I'd kill me, too. Please, just listen to me. Please?" He begs, and I narrow my eyes at him.

"2 minutes. Talk!" I say vehemently. He sighs, looking panicked. Not that I give a fuck.

"Okay, this is gonna be crazy. And stupid. I know that." He starts, and I give him a get on with it! look. He sighs. "Can I see my child?" He asks, and my heart completely stops for a moment. This it nearly stops, and my stomach heaves. I nearly puke.

"W-what? W-what d-do y-you m-mean?" I stutter out, trying to comprehend his words. He sighs again. Stop fucking sighing! I want to scream at him, but I can barely speak, let alone scream.

"My friend drove by here a few days ago, and saw you...and a little girl. He said she looked just like me." He says, his voice thick. I nearly gag. _Fucking idiot._ Why would he think I'd let him see 'his' child, when he raped me? So he can try to brainwash her? _No thanks_. I think, sneering at him.

"Well yes. I have a daughter. But as far as I'm concerned, she is not _your_ daughter." I say, crossing my arms.

He's silent for a long time, and actually looks kinda sad. But, I have no remorse. He doesn't deserve it. "Can you at least tell me about her?" He asks, and I don't want to, but I nod. Hopefully this'll get him the hell away from here.

"Fine. But then you'll leave, and never come back. Okay?" I say bitterly. He looks unsure, but nods. For years after he...hurt me, I was petrified of him. But now, he's just pissing me the fuck off.

"Her name's Brooklyn Hanna Fields. She just turned 8. She has hair like me, and eyes like me. She's obsessed with New York. She really wants a pet. She's only girly sometimes. She's so smart, it's insane. She understands things that even some adults can't get. She loves strawberry milkshakes. And she loves watching iCarly on reruns." I say, and he looks up at me, eyes pleading.

"She sounds amazing. I want her see her so bad." He says, trying to play the guilt card. I roll my eyes.

"Well Ben, I said no. And you said you'd leave. So...bye!" I say, fake-smiling.

"Can I at least get a picture of her?" He says like a lost puppy, and I groan.

"I'm a nice fucking person." I mutter. "Stay here." I command, and I storm to the kitchen. I grab the wallet-sized school picture of her from last year. Her hair's shorter, her face is younger, but it's Brook nonetheless.

I walk back to the door, and hold out my hand, giving him the picture. He takes it gratefully, and looks at it for a long time. Then, he looks up, his eyes brimming. "She's...beautiful." He says, and again, I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, I know. She's the best daughter I could've asked for. Now, you got what you want." I say, crossing my arms. He looks at the photo again, then looks at me. There's so much pain in his eyes, I wish he could've seen what pain was in my eyes after what he did to me.

"Emily, please. I need to see her. I know what I did was horrible, but she's my daughter too. Please...just once. She has to be curious about her father...right?" He begs, and I glare.

"Ben, you have a lot of fucking nerve to ask that." I state. He looks down.

"Emily...please?" He whispers, and I finally break. I let out a sharp breath.

"Gah! Fuck you, Ben Coogan. Fuck. You." I yell, and then continue. "You'll get to see her. For half an hour, that's it. I'll be there the whole time. And don't you even think about trying to brainwash her. Do you fucking hear me?" I say, and he nods, smiling widely.

"I'll never be able to thank you enough. Really, this means so much to me." He says gratefully, and I roll my eyes. Again. I guess his thing is signing and mine is rolling my eyes.

"But you have to make me a promise. I let you see her today, and you never bother us again. Deal?" I say firmly, and he stays quiet for a moment. Then, slowly and sadly nods.

"Come back in 2 hours." I state, starting to close the door on him, when he grabs it. I shoot him a warning glare.

"But what if she wants to keep seeing me?" He asks, and I sigh, exasperated.

"We'll figure it out. But, I highly doubt that'll happen." I chuckle bitterly, then slam the door.

I lean back against it.

"What the fuck have I done..."

* * *

"Hanna, I have something to tell you." I say, walking into the bedroom. I have a small fear I'll see Hanna doing...something, but to my great relief, she's just lying on the bed, playing with a blanket. She whips her head up, but smiles at me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I apologize, and she shrugs.

"What do you have to tell me?" She asks, worry on her face, but not in her voice.

"Uh..." I look down. I'm confused. Just minutes ago, she was practically petrified of her own shadow. Now she's not even stuttering. _That's odd._

I also try to figure out a way to tell her about Ben. No one except my mom and Spencer knows what happened to me. I wanted to tell Hanna right away, but couldn't do it. Especially when I saw the pain she's in.

"Well...I'm just gonna say it." The worry grows in her eyes, but she remains strong-ish. _What's going on with her?_

"Brook's dad wants to see her." I blurt, and I'm surprised she caught it. Her worry-filled eyes drain a bit, but they also widen.

"What? Her dad?" She asks, confused. I nod.

"Yeah, her dad. His name's..." I try to say it, but my throat seizes up. I close my eyes, as the room starts to whirl a bit. I feel my way to the bed, then sit for a moment. I feel Hanna's hand over mine, and I start to relax. "Ben Coogan." I whisper, and she gasps.

"Ben? Wasn't he your boyfriend in college?" She asks, and I nod. He was my boyfriend in college, and when I came out the end of college, he wasn't happy. That's probably why he did what he did.

"Y-Yeah. But when I...c-came out, he wasn't h-happy, so w-we broke up." I stutter, and she grips my hand tighter. "H-he thought he c-could change me..." I say, starting to cry. Worry crosses and fills her face.

"But if you broke up, how'd he get you pregnant?" Hanna asks, before her hand flies to her mouth. "Em..did he..." She trails off, and her eyes widen. All I can do is nod. _I'm such a bitch_. Hanna's been through Hell, twice, been burned, beaten, cut, and God-knows what else, and I'm sitting here crying like a baby. All because I was raped _once_.

Hanna pulls me into a hug. "Oh, Em, that's horrible. That's so horrible. He deserves to be in jail! Or dead! Why isn't he?" She asks, and I shrug.

"T-the r-rape kit didn't show anything m-major, and what i-it did show, it wasn't s-sufficient enough to make a c-case." I shrug again, and she shakes her head.

"Emmy, that's awful. I feel horrible, I wasn't there to help you. I wish I could change that." She says, and I look at her. She sounds like..._me_.

"Han, what's up with you? I should be comforting you. You're like a whole new person now, then you were...a few hours ago." I say cautiously. She's quiet for a while, biting her lip and looking down. Then, she looks up at me, smiling.

"I'm fine. Being a weak, crying...mess won't help anything, will it?" She says dismissively, smiling the whole time. Worry fills me, but she shakes her head.

"I'm fine. Just...sad, that I couldn't help you when this happened." She says, wrapping her arms around me again. I finally brush it off, relaxing into her grip.

But, if I was really paying attention, I would've noticed she was in long sleeves now, and was slightly shaking against me.

* * *

**So, yeah. Like I said, I'll update another chapter later today. And, please excuse mistakes, I'm exausted. **

**So, what do you all think is going on with Hanna? What do you think of Ben? How do you think Brook and Ben will interact? The Hannily-impacting question will be asked in the next chapter ;)  
**

**Hopefully I'll get 3 reviews in a few hours, before I update. Love you guys! :)**

**So, follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! See you (very) soon :)**


	18. Let's Run Away (The Sequel)

**Okay...so before you brutally murder me, hear me out.**

**I know it's been over 2 months since I've updated. And do I feel like a lying asshole? Yes. Do I feel like ya'll should hate me? Absolutely. **

**When I'm reading a story I like and the author SWEARS to update more frequently, and then don't, I get pissed as absolute shit. So, I understand if you want to tear my head off. I want to tear my head off too, but I won't, because the you'll never know what happens with this story.**

**So, time for excuses. Of course, everything with the baby. Things are a bit easier now that I'm getting more help and she's getting older, but still, it's really hard. I've also been in the hospital twice now, because my Immune System is an absolute dick. Also, my writing app has been being weird. It got wiped clean twice, and I had to recover my old writing. My internet's been being really crappy, and I also had to finish the school year in an entirely different school. So, things haven't been that great. I was also having some issues with my creativity, I know where I want the story to be, but I don't know exactly how to get it there. Re-reading old chapters, I'm realizing things aren't adding up and the timing is pretty off. But we can handle that I think, right friends? (If we are still friends after this hiatus of updating.)**

**So, I'm horrendously sorry about all this crap. I'm sorry I've been away for so long and now I'm giving you a long and pretty bad chapter. I hope ya'll can forgive me and shit. I'm so thankful for the sweet, sweet PM's I've gotten, so thank you all so much for not giving up on this, I love you guys :)**

**So, without further delay, I give you chapter 17 :)**

**WARNING: Severe triggers, and Haleb fans, please don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

_"Emily. Emily! Would you wake up? God, do I need to dump water on you or something to get your ass out of bed?" You hear Hanna's loud and slightly annoyed voice in your ear, and pop open your eyes. It's dark in your apartment, except for the neon green glow of the alarm clock on the dresser. You can barely see Hanna, but from what you can tell, she's very awake and alert._

_"Hanna, I'm tired. What's wrong?" You say tiredly, rubbing your eyes. You glance at the alarm clock...it's just after 4. You scowl-you had enough waking up early during school. The only real thing you were looking for during Spring Break was napping all day._

_Hanna walks over to the wall and flicks on the main overhead light. You mutter out a curse, and pull the blanket over your head._

_You hear Hanna's bare feet walk back to the bed, and then feel her hands on the blanket, trying to pull it away. You let out a whine and p__ull it back. It's a battle of wills for a few seconds, but eventually your tired arms give out and her strong will wins. She chuckles tauntingly. You curl into a ball, the cold air hitting your skin immediately._

_"Emi-lee!" Hanna whines._

_"Go away, I want to sleep." You mutter, closing your eyes. She sighs._

_"Okay, I didn't know want to do this...but oh well." She says, and before you can think or protest, she dives onto your nearly-sleeping body. You groan with the impact. She straddles your stomach, and pins your arms above your head so you can't cover your face-which was your last chance to not freeze to death or croak with exhaustion._

_Despite your annoyance, you have to suppress a blush at the position she's placed you two in._

_"So, what is so important?" You say loudly, trying to move, but Hanna not letting you. You swallow thickly. Your heart starts it's breakneck beating pace, that's seemingly reserved for Hanna._

_"Emily, we're on Spring Break, and we're just gonna sit here in this stupid apartment? That's dumb." Hanna says, pouting. _This is what she woke me for?

_"So? What do you want to do?" You ask, sighing in exasperation. Without a moment's hesitation, Hanna responds._

_"Let's run away!" Hanna squealed, bouncing her hips in excitement. Her movement causes a small piece of arousal to bubble through your body, but you ignore it._

_"Run away? Why?" You ask, confused._

_"Because it'll be fun. I've been on my computer most of the night, and we totally should run away! With rest stops and spending a night in a hotel, it's only 2 days to drive to Sarasota!" She says eagerly. Your brain takes a few moments to process her rushed words, and once it does, it begins thinking about her plan._

_To be honest, your brain can't think of any reasons not to "run away" as Hanna said. You know you love Florida and the beach, and you wouldn't be abandoning any plans. It's not like you were going to really do anything this entire week of no school. You look at Hanna's hopeful face, and also realize you'll get to spend an entire week with Hanna. No Caleb, no other kids, no prying strangers. Just you and Hanna._

_You then find yourself nodding profusely, and a huge smile explodes over Hanna's face. She lets out a loud and adorable giggle. _

_"Yay! I was scared you'd say no...even though I'd probably find _some_ way to convince you." She says, smirking. Your face heats up, and the fact that she's still straddling you in her minuscule pajama shorts doesn't help. You spend a few moments staring at each other, and her slowly biting her lip is your last straw._

_"Hanna...i-if we're running a-away, don't w-we need to p-pack?" You whisper, your quickly-building arousal starting to block your brain. She smirks again, then slowly nods._

_"Yeah, you're right." She unhurriedly climbs off your still-tired body, then smirks again and turns around. You close your eyes momentarily and take a few deep breaths, then fling your legs over the edge of the bed._

_"We don't need that much, do we?" You ask Hanna, your sexual excitement that had been steadily increasing slowly fades away._

_"No, but I know you're going to overpack anyway." Hanna says, and you can't help but chuckle at how well she knows you. You find your purple suitcase under your bed, and lug it onto your bed. You pull clothes and bathing suits fro__m your dresser and your closet, bumping into Hanna more then once. You're both silent the whole time, but an excited, anticipating mood bounces throughout the room._

_Finally, Hanna turns around. She sees you holding up a purple one-piece bathing suit, debating on bringing it. "Ooh, that so awesome!" She admires, her eyes widening appreciatively. You smile._

_"So I should bring it?"_

_She walks over to you, and touches the breast fabric on the top slowly. "Definitely. It's super hot." She says quietly, smirking at you. You swallow thickly, then watch her walk back to her suitcase. She bends over and slowly tugs off her tiny pajama shorts and then reaches up and pulls her shirt over her head, leaving her only in underwear._

_"And you'll look hotter in it. So take it." She then says, looking into your eyes. Your heartbeat ricochets in your ears, and you're completely sure your blushing like a tomato on crack. Of course you are, you have a mostly-naked Hanna telling you you'll look hot in a bathing suit which she just practically felt up. _

_She then smirks again-for what seems like the nine hundredth and twenty-seventh time during the short morning-and the pulls on a white bra that was sitting on her bed and gets dressed. By the time she pulls her waistband to her hips, she looks at you...slack-jawed, and staring at her._

_"Like something you see?" She says teasingly, but your brain can't make itself respond to her. "Jeez...you haven't even seen my new bikini yet." She then says, grinning smugly._

_You close your eyes and take a breath._

_This is going to be a long trip._

* * *

"Hanna? Are you in there?" I call, gently knocking on the bathroom door. I scratch my head of disheveled hair, yawning widely.

When I opened my eyes, I went to roll over and saw Hanna wasn't in the bed with me. I had a moment of fear, until I saw the bathroom door was closed. She'd been waking up before me the past few days, it would only be natural for her to be in the bathroom.

I'd checked the time, then rolled off the mattress and to my feet. I don't know how long Hanna's been in there, but I'd do know she mentioned a stomach ache yesterday. "Are you okay?" I ask again, when I get no answer to my previous question. Finally I hear shuffling.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine." She says, and the shuffling and noises continue for a bit longer. Then, I hear the click of the lock and the door swings open. She smiles at me. I return a small grin, but focus more on the rest of her.

The bruises on her face have paled to a yellowish color, and some of them are completely gone. The one that went from her nose to her eye is still noticeable, but not anywhere near as bad as it was. When I first saw her, it was a dark purplish-black.

The scratches on her face and neck are much less prominent, but still there. Her cheeks are less hollow and the marks on her collarbone are less outstanding. Her eyes are open all the way, only inflicted by the color of the now-old marks.

"Okay, good." I say, smiling again. I always smile for no reason when I see her in the morning. "Do you want to get back into bed? I'm still tired." I ask after observing her for some time. I notice I've been doing that a lot lately...observing her. It makes me feel like a complete bitch, I still feel like I'm not treating her like a normal human being.

She then slowly drags her stare away from the ceiling, where she was absently inspecting. She blinks at me, then nods dreamily. Alarm bells start to go off in my head. "Hanna? Are you okay?" Her unfocused eyes leisurely move to me again.

"Yeah. Just...really tired. Can...we go back...to bed?" She rasps in a small whisper, drawing out her words. I nod slowly, holding onto her arm. She does a weird limp/walk to the bed, where she sits and lies down slowly. The alarm bells get louder. I look at her more intently. I notice her skin is pale and waxy. My brain starts going to weird, scary places.

"Hanna? You don't look very good. Are you okay?" I inquire worriedly. She nods slowly, not opening her eyes.

"Just...tired. My head...kinda...hurts." She says, speaking the same way she was earlier. I put my hand to her forehead. Her skin is a bit warmer then normal, but not worryingly so.

"Okay. You tell me if something's wrong. Promise?" I say, taking her hand. She nods again. I gaze at her for some amount of time, until she opens her eyes again.

"I'm okay, Em. Really...don't worry." She says, her voice slightly louder and less shaky. I notice some of the color in her face is back. I nod.

"I believe you, Han." I say, smiling again. She smiles back. For a moment, we just view each other. Her golden hair splays over the pillow.

When I first saw her, her hair was matted and dirty. After washings and brushings, it regained its sweet smell and shine. She once said that Caleb's "friend" gave her a hair cut once, because her hair was getting to long. She said the longest it got was like half and inch from her hips, and Caleb's friend cut it to her shoulders. Now, it's about 8 inches past her shoulders. She said she got it cut like a year ago.

"You have such beautiful hair, Hanna." I say, letting my hand touch the soft golden tresses. She blushes, which gives her more color again.

"Stop it. It's not beautiful, it's stupid." She says, using the tone she always does when she's embarrassed. I mentally sigh. I fell bad she won't accept compliments. But I do kind of understand, especially after the things he told her. I lie down beside her, still not letting my hand drift away from her soft locks.

"You gotta stop thinking like that, baby. I know you're completely beautiful and perfect. And you are." I say truthfully.

She puts her hands to her face. "Stop making me blush, Em. It's embarrassing." She says, but with a hint of a smile in her voice. I smirk lightly.

"Hey, I can't stop. I know beauty and perfection when I see it. Just saying." I say, barely controlling a smile from bursting my face in half.

"Emi-lee!" Stop it!" She whines, and you giggle in embarrassment.

"Okay, but I'm only going to stop because I love you." I say before my brain consciously realizing my words. By the time they escape my mouth, it's to late. She looks up at me, her eyes wide. My heart starts it's million-mile-an-hour beating pattern. I start stuttering in inherently. For a few beats, the blonde is silent. Did I make her uncomfortable?

Then, she moves and takes my hand.

"Hey, stop. It's okay." She says simply, squeezing my hand lightly. Some of my fears and the tension evaporates. She smiles. I resist the urge to kiss her forehead, but can't help myself from holding her hand to my chest.

Then, I watch something change in her eyes. They begin to look more like they way they did a week ago, before everything with Ben. She looks vulnerable, scared, and sad. Slowly her smile starts to fade and she sighs.

"God, am I going to miss you. I'm so sad you're going back to work on Monday! What am I going to do when you're gone?" She says sadly, pouting. I squeeze her hand, my smile disappearing also.

I've been out of work for over a month...which is really not good. I can't even bear to think what paper monsters have taken over my desk. Me and one of my employees have been keeping in contact, he says business has been slow since I took a leave.

I'm worried about what Hanna's going to do when I'm gone, and Brook will be gone too. I've had a few thoughts about quitting the real estate business, at least for a while. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I do know that the trip to New York is scheduled to happen in 2 weeks, and Hanna and Brook don't even know about it.

If it can even happen at all...with all the work I've missed. Sure, I'm the head of the business, but still, it's not good when to miss as much work as I have. Brook's missed her fair share of school too, but I think we really need a vacation. Hanna especially, I want her to be able to be in a state where she doesn't know anyone.

"I'm going to miss you too, Han." I say sadly, avoiding Hanna's eyes. "Maybe I'll only do half-days. I'll go from 9 to 1, then come home. That might be a possibility." I say, thinking about it.

That might work, because then I could spend some time with Hanna, then go get Brook from school.

"No, I don't want you to have your job impaired because I'm selfish." Hanna says, her eyes quickly changing back to the way they were before. "I'll be okay, Em. I'll find something to do with my time." She says, the "Newest Hanna" voice returning. I sigh quietly, turning around and looking at the digital clock on my nightstand.

"Hey, I should go wake Brook. If she sleeps late, she'll never get back to sleep. I know it's Saturday...but still." I say, not wanting to let go of her hand. She nods.

"Okay, I'll be here. I'll get up in a little bit, okay? My head still kinda hurts." She says, putting her other hand to her temple. I nod in response to her.

"That's fine, baby. You can get up whenever you're ready to." I tell her, rubbing her hand and letting it go. Automatically, my skin misses the feeling of her's.

"Okay, thanks." She says, taking to me like I'm a business client. It upsets me, but I really can't do anything about it. No matter how much I want to.

I sit up, and swing my legs over the side of the bed, putting my hair in the ponytail holder that was wrapped around my wrist. I rub my eyes, yawning. I didn't go to bed until really late, because Hanna and I were watching a movie. I don't even really know what it was about- I was much more interested in Hanna cuddling deeper into my arms every few minutes.

I hope she didn't notice how fast my heart was beating.

I start to shuffle out of the bedroom, then stop at the doorway. Hanna's eyes are closed, but I smile at her anyway.

I walk down the hallway to Brook's room, then slowly open the door. Brook sits on her bed, reading a Magic Tree House book. She looks at me and smiles. "Good morning, Mommy!" She says, jumping off her bed and hugging me.

"Hey, baby. How long have you been up?" I ask her, ruffling her dark curls. She looks at the digital clock on her nightstand.

"Since 10:17." She says after a moment. "So I've been awake for..." She squishes her nose up in thought. "29 minutes!" She then says proudly. I smile.

"You're so smart, Brookily." I gush, nearly cringing at how biased I sound. She looks at the ground. She may be smart, but she's easily embarrassed.

"So, wanna go have breakfast? I'm _really_ hungry." I say, over exaggerating the word _really_. She nods excitedly. We walk out of her room together.

"I already brushed my teeth!" She announces proudly, and I smile at her again.

"Good job." I say, rubbing her shoulder.

"Is mommy coming to breakfast?" Brook asks, turning around and looking at me.

"Uh, let me ask her. Why don't you head downstairs...I'm gonna get mommy out of bed." I say, chuckling lightly. Brook smiles and nods, then turns back around and skips down the stairs.

I sigh. I open the master bedroom door, and smile.

Hanna's laying on the bed, her arms over her head. Her chest rises and falls peacefully. She looks like she has no worries or fears. I want to take a magic wand and make her stay that way. But that's how she's been acting recently...in a way.

I smile at her again, then blow her a gentle kiss and shut the door.

As I walk down the stairs to the kitchen, I slow to a stop. My brain starts to analyze Hanna's recent behavior, before I can stop it. I lean against the railing, deep in thought.

Ever since what happened with Ben a week ago, her entire demeanor has completely changed. Her tears and flinches are bordering on disappearing. If she wakes up at all at night, it's once. She says the nightmares have stopped, but from every thing I've read, that's highly unlikely, for something like that to just...stop.

Speaking of Ben, I've made my decision. When he and Brook were together, she seemed like she'd be more interested in watching paint dry. When I asked her how she felt about seeing Ben again, she said she really didn't want to. She said he seemed to make Hanna and I upset and uncomfortable, and she just really didn't care for him. So I told her if she ever changes her mind, let me know. But until then (if she ever does change her mind), he won't be in our lives. Which doesn't bother me.

When he left, that's when Hanna's new demeanor first showed up and didn't leave. But the thing about her new behavior...it's not like Old Hanna. Or New Hanna. It's like...Hanna 2.0. She doesn't crack as many jokes, and the ones she does crack are forced and hard. It's like she's trying to show that she's fine.

Which she probably is doing.

From everything I've read, it all has one major point. Recovery isn't easy. At all. It will be filled with cracks, and setbacks, and strides, and holes, and pain, and tears, and turns, and by the end, sometimes the pain isn't even completely gone. The pain will never be completely gone, but she's acting as if it has.

And that worries me.

* * *

"Brook, I have something to tell you." I say, finally walking into the living room. Hanna and Brook both look up from their playing, and Brook cocks her head. "Well technically I have something to tell you both." I say, seeing Hanna's face of confusion. I sit on the couch, and gesture them to join me. I try to hide my smile as Brook plops next to me, her arms crossed.

While cleaning up the table from dinner, I was thinking of Hanna and I's college years. Then I started thinking about New York, and the impulsive need to tell Hanna and Brook about the pending trip to New York overcame me.

A part of me is glad this impulsive need came over me, I know I have to tell them eventually. I can't just surprise them the morning of the flight with "Hey, I know you're not packed or prepared, but let's go to New York in 3 hours when our plane takes off!"

"What is it, mom?" Brook huffs, significant amounts of annoyance in her voice. She was really into her playing, and I interrupted it. Brook rarely gets mad, but if you interrupt her when she's engrossed in something, prepare for hell.

"So...I've been wanting to tell you guys this for a while, especially because I know it'll make Brook happy." I say, and some of Brook's irritation fades and is replaced with curiosity. Meanwhile, Hanna just looks flat-out confused, with considerable amounts of fear in her eyes.

"So...for Brook's 8th birthday, we will..." I say pausing for dramatic effect. Brook's eyes widen at her name. "...be going to New York City!" I finally announce joyfully, a weight flying off my shoulders.

A smile explodes over Brook's face. A loud screech escapes her mouth and she jumps off the couch, jumping up and down like a super ball on crack. "Really! We're gonna go to New York again? I'm so happy! Thank you thank you thank you!" She shouts, giving me an ample hug, her feet still stomping.

Her happiness radiates around the room, exploding from wall to wall. A smile pulls from my left ear to my right, her happiness melting away my own apprehension.

She jumps around for a while longer, making my smile impossible to fade away. Finally, she stops and smiles at me. "When are we leaving? How long will we be there? Where are we staying? Can we take a boat to go see the Statue of Liberty again?" Brook spews questions out like a sprinkler, and I can't help but giggle at her enthusiasm.

"Hey chatterbox, calm down. I'll answer all your questions in a little bit, maybe tomorrow. But right now, we need to get you bathed and in bed. Okay?" She seems a bit disappointed, but still nods. "So, go get the water started for me, I'm gonna talk to Mommy for a second. Okay?"

She smiles widely, and then smiles at us and skips up the stairs, chanting "We're gonna go to New York! We're gonna go to New York!" I hear her as she starts the water running. Then, as I shake my head, I turn to Hanna, who hadn't said anything. She's absently staring at the wall, her face expressionless.

"Hanna? What do you think?" I ask tentatively, and she looks at me like she's surprised I'm here. Then, she smiles.

"Brook seems happy." She says, her smile actually realer than I've seen in a while. It's a nice change from the hard, I'm-trying-to-convince-you-I'm-fine smile she's been putting on.

"But what about you? What do you think?" I ask, sitting next to her on the couch. I uncertainly place my hand over her's. Her skin's cold.

She contemplates for a moment, then looks at me. "Well, I'm happy you and Brook are happy. You know I love New York, we have some fond memories there, you know." Hanna says knowingly. I beam a smile at her again, which she returns. Then, her expression shifts.

"I'm just a little nervous about flying...there will be so many people. I-I mean, what if they hurt me? I wouldn't be able to do anything." She says, looking down, embarrassed. "And on the airplane...I haven't been on one in a while. What if I have a nightmare on the plane? What if someone sees my bruises and thinks I'm an easy target?" Hanna rambles nervously, subconsciously pulling her sleeves down.

"I just...I don't wanna get hurt again." She whispers, then says something I can't hear at all. "What if it happens again?" She says, slightly louder.

Immediately, my heart feels a pull. Tears form behind my eyes, but I blink them away. I don't want her to see my pain and go back to her stuff-as-a-bored personality, because she seems to be weakening.

"Hanna, look at me. Look me in the eye, Han. Please?" I say quietly, and watch as her blonde head raises up to meet my eyes. As I'm met with baby blues, my stomach turns into knots. I don't think I'll ever be able to look into her icy-blue orbs without my stomach or heart doing something that feels unnatural.

"Hanna, I will never...never let anyone touch you. So help me...if someone even _looks_ at you the wrong way, they'll be regretting it _very_ quickly. I love you way to much to let anyone hurt you. You don't deserve it, Han. Okay? Do you believe me?" I say quietly but firmly, trying to keep my breathing even. It's not every easy though-I feel Hanna's hot breath on my nose and it's making my heart beat abnormally fast.

Finally, she nods. "I believe you. But..." She says, keeping her mouth open after saying _but_. Finally, the color in her eyes change. They go back to the way the we're just a few minutes ago...hard and cold.

She draws back, pulling her hand from mine. My heart plummets to my shoes. "I'm sorry, Emily." She tells me, chuckling uncomfortably. "I'll be fine, I think it'll be fun." She then says after a few beats, her 'I'll be fine' sounding faker than Kylie Jenner's lips. "Also, Brook's excited. So I guess I am too." She then states, smiling shakily.

She says something about going to get Brook in the bath, then walks out of the living room and I hear her up the stairs. I put my hands to my face. "Oh god." I mutter quietly into my palms.

_This should be interesting._

* * *

_**So yeah, that's the chapter. It's really long...and I don't really know how I feel about it. Let me know your thoughts in a review, because I've missed your guys' sweet words and ideas.**_

_**Also I'm sorry about any typos, my spellcheck is being an asshole too. **_

_**But anyway, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW and I'll see you guys soon, and if you don't hear from me within a week, I give you permission to go on my Instagram ( blissfulmitchell) and comment over and over again and I won't get annoyed. Okay? Okay. **_


	19. I Don't Want To Leave You

**You know, I'm not even going to try to tell you guys about why I haven't updated for an eternity or repeat endless apologies. I think you guys know I feel like an asshole, I hope you can forgive me. If you are still interested in this story, I'll give you a huge virtual hug.**

**Now, I will try as hard as I can to update more frequently. I have some ideas for what I want to happen...my writer's block is lifting. So, thank you guys for continuing to be loyal and giving me ideas. I love you guys, you're the best :)**

**Now, onto the chapter :)**

**WARNING: Severe triggers, and Haleb fans, please don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb would ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't be peeved. This is merely a fictional story.**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

"_Mmm..." Hanna groans, licking sauce off her fingers. "Why do greasy-ass cheese burgers and French fries downed in ketchup taste so much better on a road trip?" Hanna says, sipping her strawberry milkshake. You smile, shrugging._

_"I don't know, but they do. Holy shit, nothing will ever compar__e to Laurie's burgers." You say, shoving the monstrous thing into your mouth. _

_The soft bun hits your tongue, and even that is amazing. Your teeth sink into the soft and squishy patty, then you feel like crunch of the lettuce and tomato, and finally, a steady and perfect mixture of ketchup, mustard, and the house sauce explode over your tongue._

_You sigh contently. Everything just seems so...perfect. You and Hanna were driving through Florence, South Carolina, when you saw a sign advertising "The best homemade burgers south of the Mason Dixon Line!" And you and Hanna were starting to get hungry, so Hanna pulled the car of the seemingly-endless miles of highway into the town of Florence._

_ It's a quaint little city, filled with old-looking buildings and houses._

_The sounds of the restaurant were so classic and timeless 80's music playing quietly playing in the background. The chatter and chewing of other people enjoying each other's company and the phenomenal burgers. The way Hanna slurps at her milkshake, trying to get the thick sweetness through the straw._

_After you swallow your vast bite, you look at the blonde in front of you. She unhinges her mouth like a snake and shoves what seems like all of her burger into her mouth at once. She sees you looking at her, and titters, causing a drip of grease to slide down her chin._

_"This is fun." Hanna giggles when she swallows her burger and puts it down. You nod quickly, agreeing. She doesn't look like someone who's been driving for almost 11 hours. You left your apartment at 4:50 am, and stopped for coffee and muffins at Dunkin' Donuts._

_You stopped in New Jersey, Delaware and Maryland, to go to the bathroom, get souvenirs, and fill up with gas. When you stopped at a TA, you and Hanna got enough snacks to feed a hungry family of four. And, Hanna had laughed so hard, she spewed out the icy blue slushy on your shirt. You tried to be mad at her...but you couldn't. They way her face turned red with her giggles, the way her lips and tongue were stained artificial blue, you couldn't even feign anger._

_So after a quick backseat change, you were back on the road, still giggling. You were like little girls, everything seemed about 150 times funnier than it actually was. And, for a few minutes here and there, you're overloading crush on her seemed to fade into the background of giggles, inside jokes, and sugary junk food. Your omnipresent-yet silent-pleading for your love to be noticed and returned silenced. And you felt like normal college best friends._

_Then, she would do something adorable, or flirtatious, or say something suggestive, and your crush would bounce back and smack you in the heart, harder than ever._

_This meal at Laurie's burgers was one of the times your love for her faded into the background. It didn't come exploding back to you until you looked outside of the restaurant after paying. The sky was light grey, and it was starting to drizzle. And in your mind, the thought of rain made you think of romance. So, with the force of 6 Maseratis, your feelings blew back into your conscious mind._

_When you and Hanna stopped complaining that you had to leave the amazing establishment, got magnets and baseball caps with their logo on it, and complained some more, you finally stepped out into the rain. It had gotten much harder...seemingly instantly. Ant of course when you parked the only spot available was the one across the street. So you and Hanna took off running, Hanna squealing about her hair getting messed up. You managed a small smile...that's definitely Hanna._

_The sprint from the restaurant to the car was uneventful...until Hanna unknowingly stepped into a water-filled pothole, and her knees buckled. Somehow...you managed to dart forward and latch your grip onto her arms, catching her right before she fell into the puddle, butt-first. Her eyes were closed in preparation for the impact, and when she felt your arms on her's, she opened her eyes and smiled widely._

_"Thank you, Em. This bitch ass puddle would've messed up my outfit." She giggles, pulling her self up. You're both now completely drenched, but you can't stop smiling._

_She stares at you, her wet hair getting stuck to her forehead. Her eyes are sparkling, and another urge to press your lips against her's covers you. She smiles._

_"Well this is cheesy as fuck."_

_"What do you mean?" You respond, confused._

_"I don't know. Kissing in the rain." And before you could respond, once again, Hanna Marin's lips were on your's. It was slightly more than a peck, but your knees still went weak, and your brain melted into an exploding puddle. Her mouth tasted like banana lip gloss, strawberry milkshakes, and burgers. It would've been gross if it was anyone else's lips._

_She pulled back way too soon. And when she did, she let out an adorable giggle. "Sorry, I had to do that. Wasn't it cheesy as fuck?"_

_Your Hanna-induced stupor wasn't allowing your thoughts to be clear. All you could do is touch your lips like an idiot, and nod slowly. You wanted to say "Well it wasn't exactly cheesy, more like ridiculously hot and mind-stoppingly wonderful."_

_But you couldn't get your brain to work and your mouth to produce words. The only thing your mouth could remember was the taste of Hanna's...and the only thing your brain could conjure up was the overwhelming want to kiss her again...and the silent pleading for her love was almost deafeningly loud. Also, you can't seem to lower your hand from your lips._

_Hanna's sly and giggly voice shakes you from your Hanna-coma._

_"Damn Em...you can't even talk. I must be a good kisser." She smirks and titters, sending heat exploding through your body. Which is ironic...because you're actually shivering because of your summer clothing and the icy rain pouring on you._

_Hanna's touch on your arm makes you jump. "Jeez...you're jumpy. Now...I'm fucking cold. Let's get in the car." She says, tugging you a bit. You blindly and silently stumble into the car, the thought of getting it wet not bothering you-or even crossing your mind._

_You heard her voice in the background...but mostly you just heard your heart explosively beating. The car started...and she turned on the radio. But all you could focus on was the spectacular need to have her lips on your's again._

_And the next time it'll happen._

* * *

"Well Em, your overpacking definitely hasn't changed in the past few years." Hanna giggles, looking at my immense collection of clothes, toiletries, and other random stuff. For some reason I have 1 rain boot in my right hand, and a pink rubber duck in my left. I sigh and groan, but her giggle makes me smile.

"Hey, it's not my fault! Do you know how much stuff you need when you have a kid?" I defend, putting down my random objects on top of another pile of random objects.

Then Brook, who's been bouncing around the house with excitement for the past 12 hours, looks at me. "Mom, you can't blame it _all_ on me. I'm not that high maintenance." And I bust out laughing. My 8 year old daughter just said "high maintenance", and for some reason that's ridiculously funny.

Even Hanna giggles, and that sound is so magical and soothing to my frazzled nerves.

The fact that I'm returning to work tomorrow _terrifies_ me. It makes me shiver to think about how tired and irritable I'll unavoidably be.

And it scares me more than anything that Hanna's going to be alone...with herself. The last time she was alone with herself she let blood pour out of a self-inflicted cut...and I don't know what would've happened if I didn't intervene. I can't think about it.

I called my office...and said I was going to be doing half-days for the first week. Then, we'd be going to New York for a week, then I'd go back doing full, normal days.

If I had _any_ choice, I wouldn't be going back to work. I'd stay home indefinitely. Hanna needs me here...and I need to be with her. I've been with her non-stop for 2 months, and even going a few hours without her doesn't seem very possible. Even just going to pick up or drop off Brook without Hanna with my makes my heart ache for her to be with me.

She gets really vulnerable and her voice breaks when anything regarding work comes up. And Hanna showing any emotion is a huge deal. So I try to take advantage of her vulnerable state when it appears, but whenever I try to ask her anything, her walls get built back up instantly.

I told her she can eat anything she wants, I don't care what it is.

Because, she's been eating a lot for the past few days. Just today, she ate an apple, 2 bowls of cereal and a smoothie, a granola bar, 3 quesadillas, a salad, chips and salsa, a yogurt, a sandwich, a cup of noodles, a cookie, 3 slices of pizza, and now, she's munching on pretzels. I don't really mind. It's obvious she's still suffering from malnutrition.

When I rescued her, she only ate little bits of food, sporadically throughout the day. I had to convince her to eat most times. She said she wasn't hungry, but I would hear her stomach moaning for food.

She started to eat a little bit more, and then a few days ago, instead of having a waffle for breakfast, she had 2 waffles, and a bowl of cereal. Then, suddenly she always had food by her side. The first night she got sick, and her stomach ached for hours. Then, when she woke up, she ate another 3 pancakes and a yogurt.

She's stopped complaining about her stomach hurting, but I can tell it still does. But I don't want to tell her to not eat...she's had enough of that.

She told me she's sorry for eating so much. She says it's rude and selfish. I told her she can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants. This is her house too.

There are moments like that when I see her vulnerable, wounded side. Like when work comes up.

She says she's sorry that she's being so selfish. She thinks because she's sad about me going back to work, it's rude and selfish too. Which only makes my heart ache. When she's in a cracked and vulnerable state, she's like a loose cannon. And the _last_ thing I want is to set her off.

Brook is one of the 2 things that give Hanna sheer, true happiness. Whenever she does something funny, Hanna laugh like the Hanna I remember. Whenever she calls her "Mommy", or tells her she loves her, Hanna's eyes fill with disbelief and affection.

I see the most of real Hanna when her and Brook are together. I see her quirkiness and cuteness. I see her laugh and her smile. I still see some of her emotional scars, but they're barely noticeable.

Her physical scars are definitely still there, but some have healed completely. Hanna and Brook have long conversations too...and after I pick her up from school and she has a snack, Hanna helps her with her homework.

Brook is sad too, she doesn't get why I have to go back. She's missed some school too, but I've tried as hard as I could to not interrupt her life too much. Also, I've been getting the work she's missed, so she won't fall behind. She's the most advanced in her class anyway... I'm not worried about her education.

She says she's going to miss being with me and Hanna when she gets out of school...and I'm going to miss it too. I also have no idea what I'm going to do when I start going back full time...because I don't want Hanna to be alone with herself from 9 in the morning to almost 6 at night.

I'm not sure if I'll get to see her during my lunch breaks...because they're only 45 minutes long, and it takes 15 minutes to get to the house from my office...on a day where traffic isn't bad. If it takes 15 minutes to get there and back, I'll only get to spend 10 or 15 minutes with her.

And even though it would be time with her at least, I don't want her to start talking to me about something or start crying, and me having to leave.

It would make her feel like I would be abandoning her when she's at her worst, and will only build her walls up higher. And also Hanna has said she doesn't want me too have to possibly sacrifice hours at work just for her...but I saw it in her eyes-she really does.

I'm thinking of maybe taking Wednesday's off every week...just so I could spend some alone time with Hanna without having to worry about anything.

I'm just grateful we're going to be going on vacation. Sure, I have to bring some of the work Brook will be missing during the week we'll be gone...but we can handle that.

Hanna has been showing a lot of apprehensions about the trip, but also some bits of excitement and happiness. I really hope she has fun...she deserves a break from all this bullshit. The only thing that worries me...we have a lot of memories in New York.

Some are magical and amazing of me and her in college...but it was the first place Caleb ever hit her. And whenever anything about him comes up, she becomes tense and snappy. I can practically see her emotional wall building higher and stronger when he comes up.

And I really...really don't want her being so busy hiding her emotional scars that she can't have fun and smile.

It's already like that at home.

* * *

"Han...I think we need to go shopping." I say, looking at her minuscule pile of clothes. It's a pair of jeans, sweatpants, a few shirts I gave her, and a hoodie I gave her. And the sweatpants have dried blood on them...she doesn't wear them a lot. When she does, I get dizzy if I look at them.

She looks up at me, fear behind her eyes. But she covers it with a smile.

"Really? But...I don't want to make you buy me stuff, Em." She says, her voice now robotic and embarrassed. I take a step toward her and pick up her hand.

"Hey, you're not _making_ me do anything. I want too. Besides, you're Hanna Marin. You can't go conquer New York without a new wardrobe." I say, smiling. Her lips pull into a grin.

"But still...I don't have any money..."

"Hey, did I say anything about _you_ buying a new wardrobe? No. I said _I'll_ buy it _for_ you. You know I will, baby. I want to." Slowly, her eyes water and she smiles shakily.

"I love you, Em. Do you know that?"

I nod, and she wraps her arms around me. I sponge up the feeling of her arms around me. I could hug her forever. When she pulls away, her wipes her and eyes and smiles.

"I guess we can go shopping. But I have 10 dollars that I found on the sidewalk a few months ago...you have to let me buy you and Brook something. Deal?" She says, smiling. I nod.

"Deal." I shake her hand very professionally, not able to control my giggles. She giggles too, and her happiness makes my heart smile. "We can go shopping Wednesday after we get Brook, I guess. Because Spencer and Toby are taking her to the carnival after school on Tuesday."

Hanna nods. "Okay. Are you sure we can go?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...there are gonna be so many people. What if one of them hurt me...? I mean it would be so easy...I'm such an easy target..."

"Hanna...look at me. I will not let anyone lay a finger on you. And trust me...if they even look at you the wrong way, they will regret it. I promise." I say, looking into her eyes.

"B-but...what if I have a panic attack? It's so fucking embarrassing...hyperventilating like an idiot and crying like a baby. And what if someone sees my bruises? Oh my god...what if they think _you_ did it to me? That'll mean you go to jail, and you won't be able to protect me-" Hanna rambles, her breathing speeding up. Fear fills her eyes.

"Hanna, nothing bad will happen baby girl. I won't let anything happen. The only thing that will happen is we will get a shit-ton of new clothes. And possibly a cheesy-ass pretzel, some greasy-ass fries, and a huge-ass frozen yogurt. Okay?"

She giggles, nodding. I smile, proud of myself for making her laugh. "Okay. But remember our deal."

I nod. "Yep. You have to buy me and Brook something."

She smiles at me. "You guys deserve the world." She says softly, smiling lightly. "Seriously, you guys are my angels. I don't know where I'd be without you." She looks at me, love filling her eyes.

"Probably dead." She says, scoffing. My heart wrenches. "I'm not..." She starts, then shakes her head and sighs. And when she looks back up, her eyes are hard as ever. I have to admit...she's done a good job at covering up her fear and brokenness with phony happiness and smiles.

"Never mind. I just love you guys." She smiles, then turns away and goes back to folding her dwarf pile of clothes. And I stand there, amazed by the night-and-day change I just saw in the girl in front of me.

And also..._horrified_ by the night-and-day change I just saw in the girl in front of me.

* * *

**What do you guys think? What is going on with Hanna? How do you think the New York trip is going to go? Let me know in a review or PM :)**

**So the next chapter will be Emily's first day back at work. And we have a brand new character we are going to meet...that's going to definitely cause some major change in Hannily. Then the trip to New York. And oh boy...what a trip it is going to be ;) **

**Thank you guys for everything you do. I hope you still like me, and/or this story. And if you somehow do...I love you. Don't forget to REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, and I'll see you guys soon :)  
**

**~Ella **


	20. Promises

**Hey friends! So I'm still me, I haven't been hacked and replaced with someone who updates often. So, I'm in a major writing mood, so expect some pretty frequent updates! :)**

**SO I'm not quite sure how I feel about this chapter...I'm sorry if it's not my best. But, we meet a new character in the next chapter...and oh boy (or should I say oh girl) this character is definitely going to cause some drama ;)**

**This one is also kind of short, because it's kind of 2 parts. It was too long when they were together. So I'll hopefully post the next part tomorrow. **

**Now onto the chapter! :)**

**WARNING: sever triggers, and Haleb fan, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb would ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story.**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistake are mine. **

* * *

_You look at the sleeping blond in the passenger seat, and smile gently. She's so peaceful, cuddled up in her blankets and her head against the window with a pillow._

_It's about 4 in the morning, and you're being fueled on pure excitement and a lot of coffee. You and Hanna figured that if you didn't stop at a hotel at night, you'll save money, and get to stay in Sarasota longer. So, you said you'll drive until you get there, since she'd been driving for about 13 hours._

_So, you pulled over, got gas and went to the bathroom, and then she got into the passenger seat and fell asleep almost instantly._

_You'd been rocking out to Katy Perry and Beyoncé, so your extreme tiredness has faded into the background._

_Also, staring at the road and the scarce amount of other people has given you time to think. Especially about her kissing you...again. It was so random, it didn't have very much context. She just did it...then went on like nothing happened._

_But, she loves Caleb. So, you have no idea why she's been kissing you sporadically since you guys met. Why does she always gives you flirty eyes and treat you like her long-time girlfriend? Why has she made more than one sexual pass on you in the past few years?_

_You know she's in love with Caleb. And while you may _never_ like it, it's a fact._

_So why she acts like she does will always mystify you._

_Sometimes you wish she didn't do it. Because it only makes your ache for her love stronger, and your overbearing crush on her more defined._

_Then you remember you somehow still love it. You _like_ the feeling she gives you in your stomach, you _like_ the way your heart races when she smirks or winks at you. And you'll never know why...and maybe you don't want to._

* * *

_"Hanna...you have to wake up. We're here!" You say quietly, stroking her shoulder and slowly moving her blankets around. After you get no reaction from her, you sigh. It's always a struggle to get her to wake up. Even if you're in a different, exotic place._

_"Hanna, we're in Sarasota! Come on, let's get in the hotel!" You say, slightly louder. "Ugh." You say when Hanna still doesn't move. You now understand the frustration she has when she's trying to wake _you_ up._

_"Fine. I'll come back in a minute after I check us in and wake you." You tell her, even though she's sleeping and can't hear you._

_So you walk into the hotel, and automatically it makes you smile. _

_It's small, but it's really cute. There's carpets with shells on them, and paintings of the beach on the walls. There's a wall for continental breakfast, which employees are setting up already._

_You sleepily walk to the receptionist desk, and tell him your guys' names. He smiles, and tells you you guys picked the right hotel. The friendliness of the staff only makes the chances of this trip being amazing 1000 times better._

_After you give him your names and everything, he hands you two room keys and nicely tells you to enjoy your stay. You smile at him, and look at his name tag. _Matt. I'll remember that. _You think as you walk back out the automatic doors._

_As soon as you step onto the sidewalk and out from the awning, a force hits you. You fall onto the concrete, with the force half on-top of you. "The fuck!" You curse, and when you look, you see your assailant is Hanna. Her eyes are bright and her smile is all over her face._

_"What the fuck? I thought you were sleeping!" You exclaim, trying to hide your smile._

_"Well I'm not. I wasn't sleeping at all! I've been awake since you pulled over 15 minutes ago at a gas station!" She says, laughing. You roll your eyes playfully as she pulls you to your feet. That's such a Hanna thing to do._

_"Ugh. So why exactly did you just attack me?" You ask her, crossing your arms in feigned anger._

_"Because I'm happy! This vacation is going to be fucking awesome! And it starts now!" She says, dragging out the word now, while pumping her fist in the air. Her extreme happiness is more contagious than the flu. And before you know it, you're jumping and cheering in excitement too._

_"Come one, we have to get our crap! Then can we go to the beach? Please?" She asks. Her happiness is child-like and adorable._

_"Of course." I smile, and she drags me by the hand back to the car. And you realize if this is how your vacation is starting, Hanna's right._

_It's going to be fucking awesome._

* * *

"Emily...? Are...are you awake?" I hear Hanna's apprehensive and nervous voice in my ear, and my heart tingles hearing her voice.

"Yeah I am, it's okay." I respond, and turn over quickly to see her. Her eyes are tired. I'm sure mine are too.

"Okay, good. I want to talk to you before you have to go back to work." Hanna's voice breaks when she says "Work". Every time she says it, her voice breaks. And it breaks my heart. I _hate_ that. Even though I know I don't have much of a choice but to go back to work, it still tears me apart that I can't be with her.

Last night, I was thinking about how I won't be here. I won't be able to see her smile all day, or feel her touch whenever I want to. And I know that makes me sound weird, but I went through years of not being able to see her, or even know if she was alive.

I don't want to have to go through even a day without her.

"I know, I'm glad we can. I don't have to get up for..." I look at the clock on the other side of the room. "...like 10 minutes."

"Why are you even awake, Em? You should still be asleep." Hanna says, slightly concerned. I shrug.

"It's okay, I'm going to have to get used to it, remember?" I chuckle bitterly. Because I don't want to have to get used to it. I was used to lazy mornings and pajama-filled days. Not rigid mornings and uncomfortable business attire-filled days.

"And I was awake because I'm really nervous...the knots in my stomach woke me up I guess." I admit embarrassedly, looking down.

"I hate that." Hanna says sadly. I look back up at her, and frown. Then, I wrap my arms around her. She snuggles into my hold.

"I know, so do I. But at least I won't be working to much this week." I say, trying to make her feel better. It tears my heart to pieces when I see her sad.

"I know." She shrugs, indifferent to my efforts to make her feel better.

"Hey, look at me, Han." I say, softly but firmly. She leans back and looks into my eyes, and as always, my heart jumps. "I'll come right home after lunch. I'll even speed if I have too. We'll only be apart for 4 hours. I promise. And I'll call the house phone when I'm on a break, okay?" I say to her, and she nods, smiling sadly. And then, in an instant, her sweet, vulnerable eyes changed, to her hard, unbreakable eyes.

"I love you, Em. I'm sorry I'm being so ridiculous about this. I know you need to go to work. I'm just being stupid. It's okay. Thank you." She says robotically, talking to me like a business client.

I sigh sadly, and I see it-a flicker of sadness, a flicker of sheer, raw emotion in her eyes. But in a millisecond, it's gone.

I glance at the clock, and see-somehow-it's time for me to get up. "Well, this is a joy." I say sarcastically, pulling my tired body to a sitting position. Hanna sits up too, stretching and sighing.

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna get up too? You don't have to, though. Just a thought." I say to her, trying to tell her I don't want her too. It'll be really fucking painful to have to say goodbye to her at the door.

"Yeah, sure. It'll be rude if I don't." She chuckles, and stands up. I stand up after her, sighing again. I've only been awake for 15 minutes or so, and I've done a lot of sighing already.

And it feels like that's all I'm going to be doing today.

* * *

"Okay, put on your shoes then go get in the car while I say goodbye to Mommy, okay?" I tell Brook, and she doesn't move. "Brook, did you hear me?"

She looks at me, and pouts. I sigh. She's been in a mood all morning. She's ridiculously advanced for her age, but she still doesn't get why I can't just stay home for longer.

"Brook, come on. None of us like this, but we're dealing with it. And I know you can be an adult about this and listen." Hanna says, firmly but sweetly. She sighs over-dramatically.

"I don't _want_ to!" She whines.

"Brookie, none of us do. But a lot of the time, you have to do things you don't want to do. Now come on, please? Be mature like I know you can." Hanna says, smiling at her, but remaining firm.

She looks at me, and I nod, so finally, she stomps and throws her hand in the air. "Fine!" She groans, clomping her feet up the stairs to put on the sneakers she lazily chose from her closet.

"God...are all children that stubborn?" I say, rolling my eyes and giggling.

"Uh yeah, have you met me?" Hanna giggles too.

"Yes I have...she really is your kid." I reply.

We laugh for a second, until our smiles slowly fade away. Her eyes bore into mine. Finally, I'm able to break my eyes away. "Okay, remember what I told you. You can call me any time. I don't care what I'm doing. You want to call me, you can. I don't even care if it's just to say 'Hi'. Okay?"

"O-okay, Em. I just don't want to interrupt your day..." She says, looking down and wringing her hands.

"Hanna, stop. I don't care what you interrupt. You're more important than any job. I promise." I say to her, looking into her eyes.

"Okay." She says quietly, grinning lightly.

"Also, you can eat whatever you want. I don't care what it is. As long as it's not expired and you want it, you can eat it. I won't be mad. I just don't want you hungry. I can always go shopping, and get you whatever you want. Okay?" I have to reassure her, because of what she's been told in the past, the fact that she can eat whatever she wants and I won't be mad needs to be embedded into her mind.

She nods shyly. "Okay, Em. Thank you." She says, looking at me gratefully. I nod.

"Of course. Now, you can watch whatever you want on TV, okay? Any movie you like. If you just want to rest, that's okay too. If you want to read a book, that's okay. As long as you're okay, I'm happy." I tell her. "Remember, this is your house too."

She sighs shakily, then looks up at me with wet eyes. "You're an angel, Emily Fields. Thank you."

"Always, Hanna. You deserve it." I tell her, rubbing her shoulder, and avoiding the bruises that haven't faded yet. Then, I hear little feet moseying down the stairs.

"I'm ready." She says tiredly, with annoyance in her voice. I nod.

"M'kay. Remember what I told you, Hanna. I'll call you on my break." I look at her reassuringly, giving Brook her backpack from the hook we have for it. Hanna nods.

"Okay." She smiles shakily, and my heart feels like it's sinking and being chopped up.

"Brook, say goodbye to Mommy." I tell my daughter, and despite her foul mood, she hugs Hanna tight with her little arms.

"Love you Brookily. Have a good day." Hanna smiles at her. Brook nods.

"Well I'll try." She says over-dramatically again. "No promises."

"Brook, stop it." I lightly scold her. She shrugs, and opens the front door. She starts toward the driveway, and I look at Hanna. "Okay baby, have a good day, alright? I'll call you soon. I promise." I tell her. Before I can say anything else, her arms are wrapped around me and hugging me tight. I hug her back, never wanting to let go.

"Emily..." She says quietly.

"Yes, angel?"

"Promise you'll come back, Emily." She asks in a small voice. I put aside the way my heart shakes, and nod.

"Of course, Angel. I'll never leave you." I assure her, hugging her tighter.

"P-promise?"

"I promise. Cross my heart, hope to die." I swear truthfully. "Do you believe me?"

"You promise to not get mad if I eat a lot?"

"Baby...I swear on my life."

"D-do y-you promise I'll be o-okay?" She says, her voice cracking.

"Yes I do baby girl. Nothing will happen." I say, even though I'm not 100% sure.

"You'll come back?" She's asks again, and my heart cries in pain.

"I will, Angel. I promise. Cross my heart, hope to die." I swear truthfully.

She's apprehensively quiet for a moment, but then nods. "Okay." She says, sniffing and pulling away. "I believe you. But only because you crossed your heart, and hoped to die."

I smile. _She's so cute_. "Okay good. I'll see you later Hanna. I promise. Cross my heart..."

"Hope to die." She finishes, smiling shakily.

I pick up my purse and my lunch bag, and blow her a kiss as I shut the door.

I walk to the car and make sure Brook's booster seat is strapped correctly. Then, before I even star the car, a pang of sadness and misery explodes through me.

It's not even 8:40, I haven't even left my driveway yet...

And I'm already missing her.

* * *

**Aw, poor Hanna :( **

**So, I'll hopefully talk to you guys tomorrow. Thank you for all your sweet words, they really mean a lot :) **

**Make sure to REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, and with any questions or comment, PM me :)**

**See you guys soon :) **

**(P.S, I didn't worry a lot about editing this...sorry for any mistakes) **


	21. A Different Kind of Welcome Back Party

**Hi friends! :)**

** So I'm currently in the middle of moving, and don't have wifi yet. But, every chance I can, I'm going to update for you awesome readers :)**

**So, here's another installment of this whirlwind story! This one is kind of short, but the next one is going to be up soon (hopefully) :) **

**I also didn't put a lot of effort into editing this, I just wanted it up before I'm off of wifi again, sorry about that. **

**WARNING: severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have I thoughts in my mind that Caleb would ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_Hanna's running back into the water before you even sit up and open your eyes._

_You guys were splashing in the ocean for hours before you decided you guys need to eat. As soon as you dropped your stuff off in your room and finished ogling the picturesque view from your balcony, you were exploding toward the sandy waters._

_For hours, you and Hanna had been playing like children in the warm, cerulean waters of the Atlantic. You'd both laughed until you turned into breathless tomatoes countless times._

_You'd been picking a bikini-clad Hanna up in your arms, then thrusting her back into the waters. She'd come up laughing wildly, and would ask you to do it again, in a sweet, childlike voice._

_You did that until she decided to try to do it to you. You warned her you weigh more than her, but she , she hoisted you into the air, with surprising strength. She catapulted you into the water, and when you came up, the proud look on her face made your face explode with smiles._

_Also...she's said infinite things that made your heart seethe love. She's said heaps of things that made your face heat up almost instantly. And she's physically committed bulks of actions that made you want to grab her face and kiss her pink lips until the sun wasn't bright anymore. _

_So after you guys went to the café and ate enough to make it you feel like you just left a grandma's house after Thanksgiving, you lazily moseyed back to the heated sand. Hanna persistently said you guys can just go back in the water, but you repeated "Nope. Nope, we're gonna get cramps and die." Until she said "Fine!" She feigned annoyance, but you know she's grateful she didn't get cramps and die._

_So, you and her lied on your towels for almost an hour, trying to get a tan. You're always naturally tan, but she kept complaining about being whiter than a old man who never goes outside because he's addicted to Jeopardy. (And that's exactly how she worded it too)._

_So, for hours, you lied there, in pure bliss, with Hanna's hand in yours. You talked about everything and nothing, and now, you can barely remember what it was. You do remember her complaining of her cheeks hurting from laughing._

_So, when she suddenly bolted up, and announced you both have to go back to the water, then took off, you were left in a tired, sun baked stupor. So now, as you watch the water splash over her feet, you hoist yourself up, and start trotting over the hot sand. The cool water hitting your toes feels magical._

_"Come on, babe!" She called, already hip-deep in the water. You bite your tongue. It seems like her nicknames have increased by hundreds just since you left New York. A few times, you've mustered up enough courage to return her words, and it actually felt completely natural to call Hanna babe._

_"I'm coming! God you're such a toddler!" You retort playfully, she turns around and smirks, walking to you._

_"Yeah, I am a toddler! Catch me mommy!" She cries spiritedly, jumping out of the water like a dolphin, and into your arms. Your knees buckle, and before you can recover, you drop into the water, Hanna falling out of your unprepared arms. You try to gasp a breath before you inevitably go under, but it's futile._

_What feels like a gallon of salty water explodes into your nose and mouth. You use your legs to propel yourself up above the surface as soon as you go down, never letting go of Hanna's wrist._

_Once your above the salty liquid, you cough and sputter, the water burning your nose and throat. You pull Hanna's forearm, and after a moment, she appears above with you, in your same state. Coughing, sputtering, and in desperate need of eye drops._

_"Oh my god...that sucked." She coughs, pulling a piece of seaweed from her hair and throwing it back to it's home. __"No kidding."_

_"I can't believe you didn't catch your child." She says, giggling lightly, but still coughing and spitting salt back into the ocean._

_"Hey, that's not my fault! It's really hard to just catch someone with no warning!" You retort, then you smirk with an idea. "Like this!" You bend your kees, then launch them upward, aiming toward's Hanna's arms. You hold your nose and close your eyes and mouth in preparation for being submerged._

_But then, when you realize you feel Hanna's arms around your stomach and not rough shells against your skin, and her giggling in your ear and not rushing waves, you open your eyes._

_When you realize she actually did catch you with no warning, you roll your eyes and get out of her hold. "Whatever." You scoff, annoyed with yourself that you couldn't catch her like that. You turn away, crossing your arms. You know it's stupid to be pissed, but you are._

_After a few moments, Hanna talks. "Hey Mrs. Grumpy Gills." She says, doing a Dory impression from Nemo. "You know what you gotta do when you can't catch your best friend when she jumps into your arms? You just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..." She says, her lips in a fish-like pout._

_You can't help but laugh._

_"See! It's not hard to just keep swimming." She says, giggling. You smile._

_"Fine. I'm not mad anymore." You say, blushing and smiling. She nods._

_"Good. Now, here. Catch me." She says, giving you a minute to prepare. So, you put out your arms, and when she lands in them, you can't actually hold her this time. She smiles at you, and for some reason, your heart starts to shake with overwhelming love._

_"See, it's not that hard." She whispers, still smiling. The way Hanna's wet hair is falling a curtain over her face is making your heart race. The way her eyes are sparkling is making your knees weak. And just the way she's looking at you...it's making your swelling heart leak out from your ribcage. And, right, there, out of context, you make a silent promise._

Don't worry, Hanna. I'll always be here to catch you. Even if I'm not prepared.

* * *

I look at my desk, and smile. There's 5 bouquets of flowers, a few cards, and even a cupcake. Since I walked in, I've been bombarded with hugs and being told how much I've been missed. I may miss Hanna beyond words already, but it feels good to know my employees missed me.

Apparently there's a new employee, which everyone felt the need to alert me of almost as soon as I walked in. Only one person told me his name, I think they said it was Alan or something. I'm not sure, but I don't really care.

People updated me on what had been going on since I took a leave, and apparently things have been pretty dull and uneventful. They've only made a few sales, and even those weren't very good. They've really just been waiting for me to come back.

Then, when I saw the paper monster that inevitably exploded over my desk, I let out a loud "Ugh".

So, after the other employees started to disperse and the high of me returning started to fade, I sat down, and opened my bag.

I took out a picture frame, and 2 normal photos without a frame. I set them in the corner of my desk where I also have a black and white picture of me holding Brook, wrapped in a blanket, from the day she was born. Then, a picture from her 2nd birthday, and a picture of me and her from about a year ago.

There's also a picture of me and Hanna, it's in black and white, and it's from the end of college. We're both in our cap and gowns, and we have our foreheads pressed together.

We're smiling at each other, our hands linked together. It's one of my favorites, it's one of the last pictures we took together before he took her.

It's so perfect...the sun was creating a lens flare over us too. I didn't look at it again for months after she disappeared. It was too painful. But, the first day I talked to her, when I was in my Hanna-induced bliss, I pasted it onto my desk.

I add 2 pictures, one is a selfie of me and Hanna. It's in black and white too. I'm whispering in her ear, and she's smiling widely, looking down. I don't even think she knows I have it...but I love it. Her smile is so cute and innocent. I took it a few days ago. I grin looking at it.

The second one is 2 pictures linked together, both selfies of Hanna and Brook on the day of her birthday. Brock's hair is done up, and she's smiling happily. Hanna matches her smile, her eyes sparkling.

Then the second one, is them making funny faces. Hanna has her eyes crossed, and her lips in a duck-like pout. Brook has her mouth open and her tongue out, with her hands on her cheeks like she's surprised. I almost exploded from cuteness overdose when I saw the selfies they took. There were actually a lot more, but these are my 2 favorites.

So, I grab a roll of Scotch Tape, and stick the pictures to the side of my desk.

Then, the framed picture is my favorite of them all. It's from about 2 weeks ago, and it was taken with a selfie stick. Brook has some whipped cream on her face from the breakfast we had had that morning. She's sitting on Hanna's lap, and she's laughing. We're all in our pajamas and our hair is messy, but it's still wordlessly beautiful.

Hanna has a huge smile on her face, and she's leaning on my shoulder. I'm laughing too, my fingers tickling Brook's ribs.

All three of us look carefree, innocent, and happy. Which is the only thing I ever want us to be, so the picture is so perfect.

I smile dreamily when I look at it, as I post it right at my eye line. Then, I frown sadly. I'm already aching for Hanna to be with me. I miss her voice and she smile, and it's only been like 30 minutes since I left.

I sigh sadly, then decide to get my mind off of her (even though I know it won't be very successful) and start trying to make a dent in all these papers.

I haven't even thrown away 5 things when I hear a voice purr "Hey, are you Emily?" above me. I look up, and my eyes widen. The voice belongs to a tall, golden blonde girl, with piercing blue eyes. She's wearing a light pink button-up shirt, with a white bra. Her top buttons are open, exposing her ample cleavage. I swallow, blushing.

"Y-yeah, I am. Who are you?" I ask uncomfortably, looking away from her.

"I'm Alison DiLaurentis, the new employee...? Did Ryan not tell you about me? Ugh, that idiot gets on my nerves." She says, and it takes a few moments for my brain to connect. New employee...but I though she was a guy?

"Uh...sorry, someone said your name was Alan...and you were a guy." I say nervously, looking at her again. She rolls her eyes.

"Well, my name is Alison. And I'm definitely not a guy." She titters, gesturing to her boobs. I nod, sucking my lips into my mouth.

"Yeah." I chuckle uncomfortably.

She then leans over my desk, so her boobs are practically inches from my face. I shift in my chair. "So...what are you like?" She asks me, looking at me intently. I struggle for words. The last thing I want right now is her boobs in my face...let alone to be interviewed by her.

"Uh...well my name is Emily, I've been in this business for almost 8 years, and I've been on a leave for a while." I say, focusing back on my desk. She laughs a bit.

"Uh-huh. I saw..." She leans over more, and looks at the pictures I just taped to the wall. I have to shift backwards again to avoid my head in being shoved into her cleavage. "...you posting these pictures. Is that your sister or something?"

I look at her disbelievingly, hoping she's joking. Hanna and I couldn't look more different. Especially considering our skin tones. When I see Alison's not joking, I shake my head. "Uh...no. That's my..." I come to a stop. I have no idea what to say! I think about saying wife, but then I realize I'm not marked as "Married" on my work papers. And this girl shouldn't ever see those, but if she does...that wouldn't be good. And also, I don't like lying. And also, I'm not wearing a ring.

Then, I settle on what to say. "...My best friend." As much as I want to say girlfriend, I can't bring myself to do that. Even though I doubt Hanna would find out, it still scares me to possibly make her uncomfortable, or break the little bit of trust she's bestowed in me by using her to get out of an awkward situation. It's ironic really...I've wanted to call her my girlfriend for years and years, and here I am with an opportunity, and I won't take it.

Besides, she may say she loves me, but she only means it platonically. And that's the only way she's ever meant it.

I'm so lost in though that Alison's voice shocks me out of it. "Oh. You guys look awfully close." She says, pointing at the graduation picture. I nod.

"We are." I say, an annoyed tinge to my voice. It's always bothered me when people comment derogatorily on Hanna and I's relationship.

"And who's that little girl?" She asks now, gesturing toward the photos. _Jesus. Pry much?_

"That's my daughter, Brook." I say, and surprise registers on her features.

"You have a daughter?" She asks, clearly shocked.

"Yeah, she's 8." I tell her, slightly annoyed she's so surprised.

"Oh. Well, she's pretty. Just like her mommy." She say flirtatiously, majorly taking me by surprise.

"I...I uh..." I stutter, trying to tell her I'm definitely not interested in her, not one fucking bit. (Except I'd say it nicer than that.)

"Anyway, I'll see you around, Fields. I'm in the cubicle across from you." She says, gesturing to where she means and smiling.

"O-okay." I say, smiling-albeit being pretty fake. She smiles flirtatiously, then struts to her desk. I see...she's wearing a black skirt that hugs her hips and is shorter than my pinkie.

She sits down, and smirks at me when she catches me looking.

I roll my eyes as I turn back to my desk. This is my new coworker.

What a joy.

* * *

**So yeah, now Alison's a part of this! Are you guys surprised? What do you think this will mean for Hannily? Let me know in a review or PM. Love you guys, and don't forget to REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! They keep me motivated!**

** See you lovelies soon :)**

**~Ella :) **


	22. Fulfilled Promises

**Hi there, my lovelies! So this updating schedule I've been going on lately is crazy! But I hope I'm making you guys happy! :)**

**I'm not too sure about this chapter honestly...but whatever. Thank you guys for all your sweet words, they mean a lot :)**

**Also, I changed my title format a little bit, now I'm going to say what number chapter it is, then the title of it after that. ****Sound good? Awesome. ****I'm also thinking of going back and naming all my previous chapters. Let me know if I should do that :) **

**Now, onto the chapter!**

**WARNING: severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story.**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_You've known Hanna 10+ years, and her unending, goddess-like beauty still constantly amazes you.  
_

_Just the way her hair always radiates golden shine. The way her eyes are endlessly iridescent. But how they always stay a turquoise, cerulean, royal, baby blue._

_Sometimes when she's mad, they fire up in a blaze. When she's sad, they fill with tears. When she's happy or excited, they sparkle enough to rival the stars. When she's tired, they droop. And when she's loving someone or something, they soften and fill with love. You can't even describe it. But when you see that, it makes your heart fill with joy. _

_Her eyes are what you fell in love with in the first place. You knew something about her eyes would forever hold a place in your heart, no matter what happened. And oh boy, do they ever. _

_You wonder if Hanna thinks you're pretty. She says it all the time, but you still wonder if it's true. You don't think you're the most beautiful girl that ever lived, that's Hanna. But you don't think you're particularly ugly either. You're just _meh_. _

_You also wonder daily why she stays with him. You understand and respect she loves him, but he clearly doesn't love her. _

_If he did, he wouldn't spend hours belligerently screaming at her. He wouldn't have _hit her_. He wouldn't blatantly taunt her clothing, lifestyle, and personality_

_Instead, he'd spend hours complimenting her and listening to her. He would only touch her with the upmost love and affection, and hug her when she's sad, and reassuringly kiss her forehead when she needs it. He would adore and praise her clothing, lifestyle, and personality._

_Which is exactly what _you_ do. _

_You also wonder if right now, sitting on the balcony of your room, if you're creeping her out. You've been staring lovingly at her for God knows how long, mesmerized by her beauty. Her headphones are on, and she's on her laptop, not noticing the way your eyes are fixed on her. _

If reincarnation exists, Hanna was once Aprodite_. You think. _The goddess of love, beauty, and desire.

_She has such an old soul, and it's the most beautiful soul you've ever come in contact with. There's not one thing about her that isn't perfect._

_You decide sunset suits her pretty fucking amazingly. The orange-pink sky reflects in her eyes. It makes her hair look sparkly, like woven gold. Her skin looks soft and beautiful. _

_As you start to contemplate what season suits her best, she looks up and smiles at you. "What?" She asks, giggling a bit. You blush, shrugging. You're more embarrassed than you'd expected to be if she caught you starting at her. You twist your mouth. _

_"I don't know. You just...you look super pretty during sunset." _

_She eyes you for a second, and you fear you've done something wrong. You give her semi-awkward compliments all the time, and you always have an omnipresent fear of her reacting badly. She pulls off her headphones. Even though she never has._

_"Aww, Emily!" She says after a pause, her lips pulling into a large smile. "You really mean that?" _

_"Yeah...yeah I do." You say, your cheeks flaring up again. She sets her laptop on the chair, and takes a step with her bare feet over to where you're sitting. _

_"You're such a sweetheart. I love that about you." She smiles, picking up your hand. Your heart hammers against your ribcage. She tugs on your fingers a bit, and you take that as an invitation to stand up. You do, and she puts her arms on your bare shoulders. You're both in pajamas._

_"Are you happy we came?" She whispers, and you nod. Your mouth feels dry. You worry she can hear the way your heart is beating. _

_"I'm really happy we came."_

_"Good. I like when you're happy." When she's close to you like this, it makes your knees weak. You can see flecks of gold in the deep blueness of her irises. _

_"I like when you're happy." You respond. She smiles a bit. "Sunset really does make you look...beautiful." You tell her, your eyes not able to stop roaming her face. _

_It's feels like you've never seen her before. You've never noticed how much sunset compliments her features. You've sat through countless sunsets and sunrises with her by your side, but you've still never noticed that she looks like a goddess in this type of light._

_"Emily..." She says, her complexion turning red now. She smiles a bit, looking down. _

_"It's true." You whisper. And then, you feel the softest, little butterfly touch on your lips. It's barely there, but it sends million of pure electric sparks shooting through you. _

_"I love you." She whispers, and you feel her breath on your lips. You can barely even kiss back before she pulls away. Your head spins like an out-of-control Ferris wheel.. _

_"I love you too." You respond, your lips feeling cold without her's on them. When you look up at her, there's love overflowing in her eyes. And you're sure you look the same. _

_But the difference is, the love filling her eyes is platonic love. _

_And the love filling your eyes..._

_Is the furthest possible thing from platonic. _

* * *

"Come on Hanna...pick up. Please..." I say, my voice hurried and quiet. I dial the home phone number again as I speed-walk out of the building, and start towards my car.

This is the 2nd time I'm calling, and I know I shouldn't be worrying, but I definitely am. She didn't answer when I called her on my break, so I assumed she was sleeping.

Then, when I called her on my 2nd break, she didn't answer either, but then when I went back to my desk (nervously fidgeting my hands) she called me back.

I answered my phone after 1 and a half rings, and probably sounded ridiculously eager when I said "hey" to her. But I needed to know she was okay, and I also had a need to hear her voice.

She sounded tired and loopy when I talked to her. I had a minor panic-moment when I realized I could've woken her, but she assured me I didn't. She said she just didn't hear the phone.

I felt better after hearing her voice. It made my heart crack with agonizing pain when I heard the amount of sadness in her voice when she said she misses me.

I told her I'll be home in a little under an hour, and then I had to go and do something for one of my employees. She told me she loved me, then she hung up. And hearing her say that made me feel more relaxed and content.

So now, as I pace towards my car, the ringing in my ear seems indefinite and deafeningly loud. Finally, it goes to voicemail. In a slightly panicked voice, I start talking when I hear the beep.

"Hey Hanna, it's me. I'm leaving right now. I'll be back really soon, okay? I love you." I say, before I hang up.

I slip my phone into my purse, and then drop my bags on the passenger seat, my heartbeat slowly speeding up. Why isn't she answering? Is she okay? I'm ridiculously tempted to call her back, but I don't want to wake her if she's sleeping.

But what if she's not sleeping and she's just not answering the phone? What if she's mad at me? What if she's _hurt? _Thoughts flash through my mind at high-speed as I start the car. I back out of my spot, and start towards the freeway.

I can't stop horrible reasons why Hanna could be not answering from flashing through my mind. As I get onto the freeway, my phone suddenly rings, making me jerk the wheel and almost smack into the median.

Horns scream at me, but they blend into the background. I shove my hand into my purse, cursing myself for not leaving it where I could grab it easier. I don't even look at the number on the screen, I just press _Answer_ and put the phone up to my ear. I don't usually take calls and drive it makes me feel like an unsafe idiot. But that belief seems miniscule and insignificant to my need to hear Hanna's voice and be assured she's okay.

"Hanna?" I say, rather than "Hi".

"Uh...no. This is Alison. Your co-worker?" I hear the blond's voice on the other end of the phone, but not the blond I wanted to hear. Then when I realize it's Alison, confusion fills me.

"Um...hi, Alison. H-how did you get my number?" I ask, slightly creeped out. She laughs.

"From the employee itinerary...?" She says slightly-condescendingly. I roll my eyes.

"Okay...but why are you calling me?" I ask, annoyed because I thought she was Hanna, and because I don't particularly care for Alison.

"Cause I wanted to know why you left early, silly!" She says, giggling like I should've known that.

"Oh. Well I'm only doing half days for my first week back." I tell her, holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder.

"Why?" She asks.

"Just because I haven't been to work in a while." I respond, slightly peeved she's prying into my life like a crowbar.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you. Why did you take a leave anyway?"

I have to suppress a groan as I roll my eyes. _Nosy much?_ "My...best friend I told you about, she got sick." I lie, slightly surprised that I sound pretty convincing.

"Oh. Is she okay?" Alison says, truly sounding bored, but asking anyway.

"Uh...she's still sick, but other than that, she's okay." I lie again, this time my voice cracking slightly on the word okay.

"Oh. Well that's good. Anyway, will I see you tomorrow?" She asks, and I can tell she's smirking.

"Yeah, I'll be back tomorrow." I say, frowning. Even though I really don't want to go back. I want to stay home with Hanna. But I only think that.

"Okay, good. I'll see you then, cutie." She says flirtatiously. And before I can stutter something out, she hangs up.

I toss the phone to the passenger seat, and let out a loud "Ugh". The last thing I want is this girl being all flirty with me...I'm already in love with someone else.

Someone who's making panic pool in my stomach...someone who's not answering the phone.

* * *

I rush to unlock the door when I get home. "Hanna?" I call as soon as I get it open. I drop my bags, calling her again.

My heart starts to beat like a drum on crack. "Hanna? I'm home!" I call again. I then hear a noise from the living room, and Hanna comes barreling out, a smile lighting up her beautiful features.

"Emily!" She wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me. Her force nearly knocks me over. "You're back! Just like you promised!" She cries joyfully. I hug her back, tears almost forming in my eyes. I inhale the sweet smell of her hair; bubble gum and banana.

"Of course I am, Angel." I tell her, endless love in my voice. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too! I missed you a whole lot." She says, blushing at the ground.

"But I'm back now." I smile. All the stress and annoyances of my day evaporate when I see her smile at me. "So, what did you do all day?"

"Well, I watched TV. I watched reruns of Friends, and waited for you to get home. And I took a nap. I had headphones on and I was listening to music when you got home. That's why I didn't hear you. I'm sorry." She apologizes, twisting her mouth.

"It's okay! Did you eat today?"

"No. There's a kitchen full of food and I didn't let _any_ of it touch my lips." She says, playful sarcasm laced in her voice. That's one thing Caleb didn't break out of her. Her sarcasm. I roll my eyes. "Yeah I did. A lot!" She giggles as she speaks.

I smile again. "That's good!" I tell her, rubbing her shoulder.

"And guess what?"

"What?"

"I found an old sketch pad, and I started drawing! I hope you're not mad...was I allowed to do that?" She says, her smile fading.

"Of course you were! You're allowed to do anything you want to." I remind her.

"Are you sure...? I was doing a little drawing for Brook..." She says, and my heart tingles again. She was making a drawing for Brook...and she only makes special drawings for people she specifically loves. And while I know Hanna adores her beyond speakable words, it still warms me in every part of my heart.

Also, Hanna's always been an avid drawer. She almost always had a few pens and pencils in her purse from the time we met to the time college ended. She left little random sketches everywhere...the stalls of bathrooms, on napkins at restaurants, on her hands and arms when she was bored. (Particularly in class.)

"You were? That's so sweet Hanna...you don't even know." I say, rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand. "Can I see it?"

She nods, slightly incredulous that I cared enough to ask. She walks into the living room, and picks up a piece of paper from the coffee table. She looks at it for a second, then bites her lip.

"It's not very good..." She hands the paper to me. It takes a moment for my brain to work. I try to make words come out of my mouth, but to no avail.

This drawing is absolutely _amazing_.

It's _Brooklyn_ printed in 3-D letters, and in the cracks of the letters, Hanna drew the New York skyline. She put so much detail into everything...even the windows on the buildings. The L, Y, and N, aren't filled in yet. But the fact that Hanna did something this amazing in the time I was gone makes my heart explode with love and some form of proudness. Tears begin to prickle my eyes.

"Do...do you like it?" Hanna asks shyly. I manage a nod.

"Hanna...this is amazing. This is the most amazing drawing I've ever seen. I'm...I'm speechless. Brook is going to adore this." I tell her truthfully. She smiles.

"Really? You think she will?"

"I know she will." I pull her into a hug. She buries her face in my neck. This is one more thing Caleb didn't take from her. Her love for art. Whenever I uncover something he didn't take from her, it makes me incredibly happy.

"I love you, Emily." She whispers.

"I love you too, Hanna." I tell her, stroking her hair. "Forever and always."

* * *

**Aw, Hanna and Emily are so cute :)**

**So what did you guys think? This is kind of a filler chapter...because something really big is going to happen in the next 2 chapters. So stay tuned for that ;) **

**I hope you guys still like this story. And if you do, I love you :)**

**Now don't forget to follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Reviews keep me happy and motivated, and when I get 5 or more, I'll post the next installment for you guys :)**

**~Ella **

**P.S. You guys should follow me on Instagram! _ shayismybliss _**

**P.P.S If you follow me and tell me you're from , you'll get a spoiler for this story ;) **


	23. Scar (Part 1)

**Hi guys! So, this chapter was ****_way_**** too long to post as 1 chapter. So, it is going to have 2 parts. At the end of Part 2, a pretty jarring event is going to happen...so definitely stay tuned for that! ;) **

**So, without further delay, here's chapter 23! **

**WARNING: severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don****'t get peeved. This is merely a fictional story.**

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

_Hanna's electronic and ear-shattering ringtone jolts you out of your peaceful slumber. You feel her stir beside you, which is a true testament to how loud her phone is. Waking Hanna is like trying to wake a wall._

_"The fuck...why is that so loud?" She curses, her sleepy voice somehow causing some of your annoyance to dissipate._

_"I don't know. Ignore it." You say._

_"Gladly." She pokes her phone screen with her index finger, and the ringing ceases. You sigh in relief. Hanna rolls over and faces you. "Who was it?" You wonder, sleep filling your voice._

_"Oh, just Caleb."_

_You can't stop annoyance from once again invading you. "Oh."_

_"Yeah I know, he's been being an ass lately." She says, and you feel her shoulders shrug. You have to silence yourself from saying _Yeah, it's only lately that he's been being an ass.

_Your brain is beginning to shut off once again and fall back into sleep, when her phone explodes with the loud and annoying ringtone, poking you in the ear drums._

_"Ahh!" You yell, covering your face with the pillow._

_"What the fuck?" Hanna says grumpily, looking at her phone again. "Ugh. I guess I should go see what the fuck has his panties in a twist." Despite how pissed you are, you can't hold back your giggle._

_She smiles, then picks up her phone and gets off of the hotel bed. She raises her phone to her ear. "Hi." She says grumpily. You're tempted to roll over and go back to sleep, but you kind of want to hear the conversation._

_Hanna rolls her eyes after he speaks. _He's drunk as fuck._ She mouths, and worry begins to pool in your stomach. The last time he was drunk, Hanna had to dodge his fist. And even though you are in a different state than him, it still makes your heart pound a little harder._

_"No, Caleb. We were sleeping! And you woke us, to yell at me for no reason." She says. You twist your mouth. She shakes her head, and looks at you. There's something on her face you can't exactly place. Then, she steps to the sliding glass door and unlocks it. She steps onto the balcony._

_Your stomach twists into knots. She paces a bit, opening her mouth a few times and then closing it._

_"Caleb, would you calm down? We went on a spontaneous vacation! So what?" She says, and you have to strain to hear her. It's obvious she doesn't want you to, though. You try to be discreet, even though you know it's fairly pointless._

_You flinch when she flinches. She holds the phone a few inches from her ear. He's being _that_ loud. "Caleb, chill out! Why does it matter? You wouldn't want to spend time with me anyway. Emily does! Emily actually loves me! Isn't that just a novel concept?" She says, and despite your annoyance, exhaustion, and worry for Hanna, your heart warms._

_"Caleb, stop! I don't care what you say about me, but you will _not_ say that kind of stuff about Emily!" She says, her volume starting her increase. She's not very close to you, but you can see the way her eyes are flashing._

_"I swear to god...stop! _Emily_ wouldn't berate me for hours! She would compliment me for hours! _Emily_ wouldn't say my clothing makes me look skanky! She would buy it for me and tell me it looks perfect! _Emily_ wouldn't pretend to care about me! She actually does!" She says, her fist clenching._

_You try not to let your mouth fall open. Everything Hanna's saying is true...and it's making your heart seethe love to know that she knows that. Maybe she's not as blind to the way you feel about her as you thought she was._

_It's a few minutes before she speaks. And when she does, she's not facing you, but you can clearly hear the tears in her voice. "Caleb, please stop! I don't know what your problem is! Why are you acting like this? What the fuck did I do that was so awful?" It makes your heart tug painfully. Your arms ache to hug her._

_"Caleb-" He cuts her off. "Please stop-" He cuts her off._

_This goes on for a few minutes. By then, your eyes are shut and you're trying to get rid of the tears behind them. You hear the glass door slide open again. You look up._

_"Hanna..." You whisper, the tears on her cheeks creating a golf ball-sized lump in your throat._

_She shrugs, smiling bitterly. Your out of bed and hugging her before you even realize it. She melts into your arms. "It's okay, Han. It's okay." But you're lying. It's not okay. Nothing about the way he's treating her is okay._

_"Well, I figured out what has his panties in a twist." She says, wiping her eyes._

_"What?"_

_"You."_

* * *

"Hanna, breathe. You can do this. I _know_ you can. But, if you don't want to anymore, I understand completely. Just tell me. Are you okay with going to the mall today?" I ask her, holding both her hands and looking into her eyes. She swallows thickly. There's a pause before she answers.

"I can do this. I know I can."

I smile at her. "I know you can, too. But are you sure you're _okay_ with doing it?"

She twists her mouth, then nods. "Yeah. I am." She says, her voice quiet, but fairly confident.

"Okay. I'm proud of you." I tell her truthfully, pulling her into a hug. She sighs into my hair.

"I'm ready. I need to do this some time. And now, I have a good reason. I need new clothes. To conquer New York, remember?" She says, lightly tittering. I smile.

"Okay. I'll be with you the whole time. And if you want to leave, we can. I don't care about anything but the way you're feeling, okay?" I tell her, rubbing her shoulder. She nods.

"I love you." She says, tearfully.

"I love you too. So much."

We stare at eachother for a moment. Her lips have traces of a smile on them.

"Um...so, are you ready?" I ask, suddenly feeling awkward and breaking our gaze. She inhales, then nods.

It's Wednesday, which means all three of us-Hanna, Brook and I-are going to be going to the mall. And honestly, I'm ridiculously nervous.

Hanna hasn't been in public-other than coming with me to pick up Brook once or twice-since before the party.

And the mall is filled with people bustling around and raucous noises. If Brook shrieks or a dog barks she flinches. She tries to hide it, but my eyes are too quick to not notice it.

I told her that we're going to be going to a mall about 45 minutes away instead of the one closer to us. It's always less crowded, and there's less of a chance of seeing someone we know.

I told her if she gets scared or anxious, we'll leave. I told her I don't care if we're in the middle of checking out or trying on clothes, I said we'll abandon the items at the check-out, and change back into our clothes in record time, and leave. But, knowing her, she'll try to hide her fears and anxieties until she's full-blown panicked.

She's still apprehensive about getting stuff bought for her. But, I keep repeating the same thing-I will buy her anything she wants. The cost is just numbers. She deserves to feel beautiful and confident, and if a 200 dollar dress does that for her, I'll get it. I don't want her sacrificing something that she likes because of a fear of making me buy it.

But I know she will.

* * *

"Hi, Brookily!" Hanna says when a very exuberant Brook hops into the car.

"Hi, mommy!" Her smile lights up her whole face. I walk to the other side of the car and buckle myself back in. I had to get out to retrieve Brook from her classroom, and tried to ignore the small traces of hurt on Hanna's face when I had to leave. I locked the doors-at her request-and I saw her double check them when I walked away.

"Brook, tell mommy what your homework is!" I say, unable to keep my smile off my face.

"I'm _going_ to! After I get my seat belt on. Hold your horses." She says, and I stifle a loud laugh. She may not be Hanna's blood child, but she definitely inherited Old Hanna's sassiness and sarcasm. I know I should scold her, but I can't bring myself to.

"So..." Brook begins after she clicks her seatbelt in and I start the car. "Today, I was in Writing Class, and Ms. Alexander told us to write our warm-up. That's when we write something random to get us ready for class. I love warm-ups because theyre fun. So our warm-up was to write about why we would admire someone. And so I wrote about how I would admire someone because they're sweet, and selfless, and funny, and considerate, and loving, and nice and tells you you're pretty and can make you smile and is an inspiration and would sacrifice things just to make you happy!" She counts on her fingers. I see surprise and proudness register on Hanna's face when she hears words like _selfless_ and _inspirational_ come out of Brook's mouth-in correct context.

"So, guess what? Then she told us we're going to write an essay! An essay is like a story but it's longer and it's true. But it's not like a nonfiction story, either. We're gonna write an essay about who we admire most, and guess who I'm gonna write about?" Brook says, excitement in her voice.

"Hmm...SpongeBob?" Hanna says, a smile on her face. I stifle another laugh.

Brook giggles. "No! I don't admire him. He's just a cartoon sponge. Besides why would I admire someone who works at a fast food place?"

This time I don't stifle my laugh. Neither does Hanna. Her laugh rings out like a bell. It's the most soothing thing I could've heard for my ridiculously frazzled nerves.

"So, can you guess who it is?" Brook says, and Hanna shrugs.

"If it's not Spongebob, I don't know."

Brook giggles. "It's you, mommy!"

Hanna's eyes widen. Surprise etches onto her face. Her lips part a bit. "M-me? Why?"

"Because, you're all of those things!" Brook says, and a grin pulls at my lips. "You really are!"

"Brook..." Hanna says quietly.

"It's true!" I chime in. "You _are_ all of those things, Hanna. Isn't she, Brook?"

"Oh yeah! You're the...epitome of all those things!" Brook pauses before she says _Epitome_. Another proud smile registers on my face.

Hanna's silent for a while. She closes her eyes, biting her lip. "I...thank you, Brookily. That...that means a lot. I love you." She says softly, the utmost love in her voice. I can tell she's holding back tears.

"I love you too, mommy. That's why I'm writing an essay on you!" Brook smiles.

I smile widely, too.

When Brook told me she was going to be using Hanna as her essay subject, my heart could've exploded all over the state of Pennsylvania with overbearing love. And now, seeing Hanna's reaction is doing the same thing.

We get onto the highway, and Hanna looks out the window, nervously twisting her hands. A small part of me smiles a bit, she's picked up that habit from me. The rest of me frets like crazy. I try to think of something I can do to make Hanna feel less nervous. I come up empty.

After a minute of silence, I suddenly speak. "Hey, Brookie?" She looks up at me. "You should tell mommy what you're learning about in school!" I hope I can maybe distract Hanna from her own fears. I have no idea if it'll work, but I can try.

Brook nods enthusiastically. "Good idea! I love talking!" I chuckle, and surprisingly, so does Hanna.

"I think we can tell that, Brookily." Hanna says, and Brook nods again.

"So, in math, we're learning about fractions. You guys know about fractions. Ms. Alexander always uses pie and pizza as examples. It makes me want pie and pizza. Isn't that a weird combination?"

Brook talks our ears off for the next 30 minutes about school, including her very opinionated view about the kids in her class, including the "Mean Mikey" and "That weird-smelling Sarah". And when I scolded her about being mean, her response made me burst into peals of laughter. "Mom, no offense, but you haven't smelled her."

By the time we pull up at the mall, my cheeks hurt from laughing. I'm sure Hanna's do too, but all traces of happiness disappear from her face when I stop the car. Her hand is on the center console, and I put mine over her's. She looks at me, fear parading through her blue eyes.

"Hanna...listen to me. If you want to leave, we can." I repeat firmly. "I don't care what we're doing. If you get scared or uncomfortable, tell me and we'll leave. I promise."

Her eyes soften at first, then, something changes intstantly. Her features harden. "Okay. Thank you, Em. But I won't get scared. I'm not that weak." She says robotically, a forced and solid smile on her lips. I internally sigh, and nod.

"Okay. Just tell me if you need or want anything. Remember, we're here for you. If you like something, it'll be your's. No questions asked." I rub my thumb over the back of her hand.

"Okay, Emily. Thank you. You're so sweet." She says, feigning being comfortable and content. _Hanna 2.0 is back._ My heart tugs and I nod.

"Of course."

When she hears the amount of sadness in my voice, I see something in her eyes. A flicker of hurt-a flicker of regret. But before I can look at it closer, it's gone and is replaced by a hard, robotic exterior. She opens the car door, and steps out, looking at the building. I sigh as I get out too. I grab my purse from the backseat, before going to the other side and letting Brook get out.

"Ready?" I ask her, and she nods excitedly.

"Definitely! Are you ready?" She asks me. I nod, despite that being a lie. I don't want Hanna to act like this again. She's been much more vulnerable and raw the past few days, and I was hoping for that to continue. While I absolutely loathe seeing her in pain, I much definitely prefer it to Hanna 2.0.

Then again, I prefer _anything_ to Hanna 2.0.

* * *

"Oh my god, Hanna...you look amazing!" I gush, smiling widely. And it's 101% true...she does. She looks like a goddess.

She turns around to look in mirror. She shrugs, but I can see in her eyes, she does think she looks good.

She's wearing a white, long sleeved shirt. It's made of a thin fabric, and there's a turquoise camisole underneath it. She has dark-almost raven colored-skinny jeans on her legs, that she can pull off unbelievably well. "Really? I don't know..." She says, adjusting the shirt.

"Hanna, please trust me. You look...happy. Young. Beautiful." I say, honestly impressed and in love with how well she can pull off the outfit.

"Really?"

"Really."

"I guess I'll get it..." Hanna says slowly, seeming pensive.

"Please do, Hanna. Get whatever you want." She looks at me and smiles a bit. I take that as a silent way of saying _I'll get it. _

She had seen the shirt when we walked into the store, and commented she really liked it. "Get it." I had responded instantly, barely even looking at the displayed article of clothing.

"Eh...I'm not sure..." She said, running her fingers over the fabric.

"Hanna, please. If you like it, if it's in your size, get it." I had said to her, the words feeling repetitive. That's probably because I'd already said them about 20 times, and we were only in our 3rd store.

And since we walked into the mall, the words "You can get it if you want it" have been stringing out of my mouth repeatedly.

So far, Hanna's gotten 2 new shirts, a pair of pajamas, and 2 bracelets. And it took an immense amount of convincing and reassuring just for her to get those things.

But, when I handed the paid items to her and told them they're her's, something lit up on her face. I think it was happiness and disbelief that she was getting her own new, self-chosen clothes.

And that made any and all convincing I had to do barely noticeable.

So now, she's tried on a few outfits, and picked out a pair of jeans and a pair of leggings. Usually Brook is bored when we shop together, but today, she's been over the moon to suggest things to Hanna that she might like or look "fantabulously beautimous" in.

Brook and I have been watching Hanna try stuff on for about 15 minutes now, and each thing she tried on made her look young, beautiful, and goddess-like.

But, she's refused to wear anything but long pants and long-sleeves. I understand the long pants thing, because while some of her marks have faded, there's still a lot of scars, cuts, burns, and welts on her legs. Stuff that won't fade for a lot longer.

But on her arms, a lot of the bruises have faded, and the ones that are left are a light yellowish-blue. You can't see them from a distance, but there's still jagged scars up and down her inner forearms. I haven't seen her forearms at all recently, she's only been wearing long sleeves since Brook's party.

But, the cuts I saw that day looked fairly recent. The most recent ones I think are the ones from the day of the party. That day, she cut her upper thigh and her wrists.

That's why she's been trying to accumulate bracelets, I think. Because when the hotter weather starts to permeate the air, she's not going to want to wear long sleeves. Also, she's still really skinny, so she's still cold most of the time.

It still upsets me how self-conscious she still is. I understand it, but it still tears me apart. But, somewhere inside herself, she knows she's beautiful. She might not recognize that part, but I know it's there.

I'm pulled from my thoughts by Brook squealing in delight. I'm glad I'm pulled from my thoughts, their not very fun thoughts. I'm pondering what a else Hanna really does know to be true, but her demons are blocking them from being exposed.

"Mommy, you look perfect!" Brook says loudly, and when I look at her, I have no choice but to concur with my very enthused daughter. In fact, my mouth almost drops open when I see the way Hanna walks out of the fitting room.

She's wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, metal accents on the back pockets. Then, a flowly and thin red shirt, with the black letters _NY_ on the front. The letters are in a font that makes them look like they're dripping.

"Hanna...you look...awesome." I say breathlessly. And she really does, she looks almost like old Hanna. She had a fashion style that varied from day to day. She'd look like a hot, hardcore punk on Monday, a cute little girl on Tuesday, and then a high-fashioned, upscale teenager on Wednesday. And she could pull all the styles off better than any model.

"Really?" She says, spinning around in the mirror.

"Yes!' Brook and I say in unison with eachother.

"Please, get that!" Brook says, standing up.

"Should I?" Hanna says, looking at me.

"You...you look like a model, Han. Yeah." I tell her, still in shock from how beautiful she looks.

"Okay. I'll get it." She says, looking in the mirror again. She ruffles her hair a bit, looking intently at her reflection. I couldn't seem to detect what was in her eyes. She then suddenly turns to look at me. I nearly jump as her eyes pierce into mine.

"Do I really look good?" She asks, shifting a bit. I nod instantly.

"Hanna...yes. Me and Brook wouldn't say it if it wasn't true."

She looks at me for a second, the nods. "Okay. I'll get it." She says, looking down at the outfit. She raises her eyes back up to me. "Thank you." A little grin pulls at her lips.

"Of course, Hanna. You deserve it."

* * *

"Wow, you guys are really hungry!" I comment, surprised. Brook nods, smiling. A little bit of burger sauce resides on her chin. Hanna chuckles a bit. She picks up a napkin and wipes it off. Brook leans away.

"Mom! I'm not a _baby_!" She says, sounding very teenager-like. Hanna looks at her.

"Well, _you_ weren't wiping it off." Hanna says. She crosses her arms, feigning defiance. But there's a whisper of a smile on her face.

"That's because I don't have time! This is too deliciously delectable for me to stop eating and wipe my face!" Brook says, eyeing our slightly-inordinate amount of food-court goodies. A smile seeps onto Hanna and I's faces at Brook's wording. _Vocabulary!_ Hanna mouths to me, pointing at Brook with her thumb. I mouth back _I know! _

But, Brook is right. Considering we're feasting on a variety of food-court dishes, they are deliciously delectable.

But, the way Hanna-and Brook for that matter-are breezily eating is indescribably surprising. Hanna's has put away 2 salads, a piece of pepperoni pizza, a small order of fries, a burger, and a taco, almost effortlessly. She's also had a smoothie and water.

Brook has devoured a bowl of noodles, a piece of pizza (New York style, at her request), a cookie, a burger and is currently working on a smoothie. She says she's not full and her stomach doesn't hurt, but I'm still slightly skeptical. It's odd she's eating so much...she usually doesn't even finish her lunch at school.

But, her teacher told me the only thing she ate from her lunch today were baby carrots and ranch. And when I asked her about it, she said it's because she wasn't hungry. So, it makes some sort of sense that she's so ravenous now. She also didn't eat hardly any of her breakfast, just a granola bar.

Hanna told me she was sleeping most of the time I was at work, so all she ate was a bowl of cereal, a waffle, a handful of Cheez-its, and a Velveeta cup.

I've only had a bottle of Gatorade, a burger and a salad.

But, it's okay. If they're happy, so am I.

Also, while Hanna seemed almost indifferent and very apprehensive about shopping for her, she had an absolute field day shopping for Brook. As soon as we passed the girls' section, it seemed to silently beckon both of them. So while Hanna quietly mentioned she liked clothes for her or smiled a bit, she squealed in excitement and adoration when she went into the girls' section.

Her and Brook enthusiastically hunted the racks together, looking for things that Brook would look "Fantabulously Perfect" in.

We came to the food court with our arms heavy with shopping bags.

Also, whenever Hanna saw something with New York on it, I saw a small-yet hightly prominent-spark of excitement flicker in her eyes. And then I felt a huge-and slightly jarring-fire of love and proudness explode in my heart.

We didn't quite get Hanna a _full_ new wardrobe, but she definitely got enough for the New York trip and then some.

"Okay, I'm done. Gosh, I feel fuller than that one time when I was 5 or 6 and ate so much at the Philly carnival I almost threw up!" Brook says, her run-on sentence making me grin.

"Okay, Brookily. Go dump your tray." Hanna says, gesturing to the trash can 10 feet away or so. She nods.

"Okay." She says, after she detaches her lips from the straw on her smoothie cup. She picks up her tray, tilting it a bit so her used napkin doesn't fall. She paces to the trash can. I shake my head a bit, chuckling at her slightly-waddling gait.

"Emily...?" Hanna says. I look up at her. She has a small, shy smile on her face. "I...thank you. For buying me all that stuff. You really didn't have to..." She says, breaking her gaze.

"Hey...look at me." I tell her gently but firmly. "Please...?" She complies. "You're welcome. I will always get you whatever you want. I don't care what it is. You can consider it your's. I promise. Okay?" I tell her seriously. I try not to get sidetracked by her ever-mesmerizing eyes.

She nods. "Okay. Thank...thank you." She says, her voice thick.

"Always." I tell her. She smiles.

Then, Brook comes back, something odd-and slightly alarming-in the way she walks. She sits on my side of the booth rather than Hanna's, which is where she'd been sitting.

I see Hanna's face flash with hurt, but she covers it by reaching into one of the bags and pulling out a magazine she bought. It's a parenting magazine, and I hide my smile. But the nervous air surrounding my daughter doesn't escape my notice.

"Mom...?" Brook says quietly to me after a moment. I look at her.

"What's up?" I ask her, a familiar feeling of worry sinking into my stomach.

"There was a creepy guy over by the trash can."

"A creepy guy? What did he look like?" I start scanning the food-court, trying to put myself in Brook's mindset, and seek out a guy she might find creepy looking. But, my attempt is fruitless. The mall isn't crowed but it isn't deserted either. Everyone in the food court looks normal.

"He had brown hair and brown eyes. They were kind of...poop-colored. He was tall. He looked like a guy who isn't happy very much. He looked angry." Brook describes, cuddling into my side a little bit. The man she's describing seems eerily familiar.

"Where was he?" I inquire, an odd sense of unease filling me.

"Standing by the...PacSun." She says, reading the sign above the establishment behind the trash can Hanna sent her to. "He was on his phone, talking to someone. It sounded like he said a lot of bad words." She says, her mouth twisting a bit.

I observe where she's talking about, trying to find a man that fits her description. "Did he talk to you?" I ask her, swallowing. I glance up at Hanna, and she's reading her magazine with earnest and complete attention.

"No, but he looked at me really weird. Then, he made weird little smirk thing. That's why I came back over here." She says, childlike-fear in her voice. "He was scarier than like...a zombie."

Suddenly, all at once, a thought flies into my head. It fills my conscious with the speed of a cheetah driving a Maserati. _No_. I think, my mouth going instantly dryer than the Sahara.

"And, he looked like he was in a fight." Brook says, squishing up her face.

"W-what does that mean?" I say, trying to hide the quiver in my voice. Brook...please don't say what I'm thinking.

"He had a scar right here..." And, confirming my worst, most paralyzingly horrific thought, she drags her index finger from about an inch over her eyebrow to the middle of her forehead.

And all at once, my heart, mind, and world come crashing to the floor.

* * *

**If you guys know PLL like I do, you'll know who the 'Creepy Guy' is by the way Brook described the scar on his forehead. If you know (which I really hope you do), oh my god! **

**Are you suprised? Scared? Shocked? (Even though that's pretty much the same thing as surprised, I just needed another S word.) What do you think Emily will do? What will Hanna do? Let me know your predictions in a review! ;) **

**I'm sorry this chapter was über long, I hope it was at least semi-worth it. I'll update Part 2 when I get 5+ reviews on this chapter! Thank you guys for your continued support, it's so appreciated! **

**Follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! See you guys next chapter! **

**~Ella :)**

**P.S. For all of you who are wondering if Aria is going to make an appearance, just wait. This story isn't over just yet ;) **


	24. Scar (Part 2)

**Hello my dear friends! **

**So, here's a continuation of the last chapter! So this really isn't very good, so I'm sorry. But, it's pretty eventful ;) **

**I hope you enjoy! :)**

**WARNING: severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_"Hanna! I swear to God if you splash me one more time-" Another wall of shoved water overtakes your only semi-serious threat. You hear Hanna's exuberant giggles through the chlorinated liquid falling over your ears._

_Once it all lands back in the pool, you glare at Hanna. "You little...you're going to pay for that, Marin!" You shout, her legs already paddling away from you. You smirk. You're a swimmer. You have an advantage over her for once._

_Last night, after Hanna explained why Caleb was mad, you were nearly exploding. With anger at him, and pain for Hanna. She's the last person that deserves to have him as a boyfriend._

_You busy had gotten back into bed, Hanna's eyes red. She'd curled into your side instantly. She buried her face-which was tear streaked and splotchy-into your chest. She curled her arms and legs up into her own chest, getting as close to you as possible._

_You felt proud...protective...like a shield, protecting your Angel from everything dark in the world._

_You knew you were actually just cuddling her in a hotel bed in Sarasota after her maltreating boyfriend caused her emotions to freak out, but you felt like she would never feel pain again._

_You'd somehow mustered up enough courage to mutter "You need to end it with him, babe."_

_It was so silent you feared a breath would make the sound barrier crack and the entire world shatter._

_"I know." She responded, her voice breathy and trembling. A weight had flown off your shoulders. "But...I can't. I love him." She says, her voice not as sure of itself as it once was._

_You couldn't say anything else. If you did, you might've exploded with tears and the overwhelming urge to scream. So you just tried to fall asleep, and surprisingly, your thoughts didn't keep you awake. Apparently watching the girl who's the literal closest thing to an angel you've ever seen get verbally berated by her drunk and emotionally abusive boyfriend makes you tired._

_So, this morning when Hanna woke you by hopping from hotel bed to hotel bed, emitting a pure aura of sweet, perpetual bliss, you decided to just go with it._

_You'd scarfed down muffins and cookies at the Café-you didn't need coffee-and then bolted to the pool like insane cheetahs on Meth._

_You'd been playing-loudly-for hours, and your skin was itchy from the chlorine and pruny from the water. But that was the last thing on your mind._

_At the moment, the only thing your focusing on is trying to 'catch' the blond beauty who's jumping through the water trying to escape your clutches. Her attempt is futile, and you're able to breezily wrestle her into your arms. Smirking, you start wiggling your wrinkly fingers around her floating ribs. She squeals like a toddler and squirms, trying to get away from you._

_"Ha Ha! This is for your one-sided splash battle!" You taunt playfully, and her peals of laughter call out like ringing bells. You love her laughter. It sends your heart racing and pulls your lips into a smile that takes over your whole face._

_Finally, you let her go, both of you red with laughter. "You're...an...ass..." Hanna laughs, trying to catch her breath. "How...do...you...always...know...where...to...tickle...me...?"_

_"It's a talent." You shrug, when it's really just common knowledge...Hanna's ticklish everywhere._

_"Whatever." She rolls her eyes. You look at her. Her arms are crossed, but she has evident traces of sheerly blissful smiles all over her face._

_Her wet locks are plastered lightly on her forehead and cheeks. Her eyes are shining with joy and excited anticipation. Her cheeks are pink from laughing. You have to stop yourself from hugging her. It would be awkwardly out of context, but it's still overbearing._

_Some statistics you'd been thinking about rush into your conscious. In the past 11 years, 99% of everything fun you've done is because of her. 99% of the memories you have are because of her._

_And while 99% of the tears you've shed are because of her..._

_So is 100% of the love you feel._

* * *

..._And all at once, my heart, mind, and world come crashing to the floor._

It feels like I'm underwater. My lungs feel compressed. Spots dance in front of my eyes. My thoughts aren't coming in clearly...it's like someone wrote random words on scraps of paper, put them in a hat, then dispersed them into my conscious.

It's him. He's here. Of all fucking places, he had to turn up _here_. It makes my stomach heave and my brain rattle to think he might've _known_ we were coming here.

Finally, the random words form together and conceive a coherent sentence.

_We have to get out of here._

The words in my head are right. Once I feel confident I can stand up without my shaky legs failing me, I usher Brook out of the booth before I rise beside her.

"Hanna...?" I say. My attempt to hide the sheer terror in my voice is humiliatingly unsuccessful.

"Yeah?" She responds, looking up from her magazine. She notices the way my fingers are quaking almost instantly.

"We...I...can we go?" My words clumsily trip over each other. She cocks her blond head.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I just...I want to go." I can't seem to coordinate words to come out of my mouth.

"Are you sick or something?" Worry is in her voice now. _I'll go with it._

"Yeah, I think so." I lie, blinking hard. I see it in her eyes-she doesn't believe me. But I don't care what she thinks the reason we're leaving truly is. I know whatever her mind can conjure up isn't as horrible as why we really have to leave.

"Okay. Let's go." She says, confusion and worry laced in her voice. She puts her magazine in one the bags, and stands up. She never takes her eyes off of me.

Normally, I would hear Brook protesting, because we had promised her we could go to The Children's Place and maybe a toy store after we ate. But, she's silent. She's smart...she knows something is wrong.

"Brook, can you take your bags?" I hear Hanna ask the fear-riddled child standing nuzzled into my side. I feel her nod.

"Okay." She slothfully picks up the bags that have her clothing in them. I pick up 8 of the other bags with my shaking hands; I don't want Hanna to have to carry them if they're too heavy. She picks up the 2 that are left.

"L-let's go." I say, swallowing hard. Hanna nods, with a look in her eyes that communicates _What is this about?_ It makes my heart ache to be blatantly be lying to her, but I can't have her knowing why we really have to leave. I let her and Brook go in front of me, not wanting my view of them to be obstructed.

Brook stays close to Hanna, and Hanna shoots me a look that silently questions me _What's going on? Why is Brook acting like this?_

The signs that say "Please throw away your trash" at every booth and table blur from my vision as we leave the remnants of our meal.

I try not to fall over as I shakily make my way around the labyrinth of tables and mall-goers. I feel claustrophobic, like there's not enough air in the mall for everyone that occupies it.

When we get out of the food court, the goddamn exit is still on the other side of the mall. It feels like we'll never get there. "Brook?" I hear Hanna's voice addressing the girl who huddles by her side.

"Huh?" Brook responds.

"Do you know why...why we're leaving?" She questions quietly. Brook is silent for a moment. My heart pummeles my ribs harder than I thought possible.

_Please don't tell her just yet, Brook. _I plea silently. I know Hanna will ask questions if Brook tells her about "Creepy Guy". And, Brook's answers will eventually lead to her finding out the guy is someone who broke her in every way possible. Finally, I see my daughter shrug. I breathe a sigh of relief.

Then, Hanna looks back at me, and I see it in her eyes; she knows I'm keeping something from her. And it's causing her tremendous pain.

I look at my fast-moving shoes, and swallow hard again. I conflict with myself on what to tell her. I know she's not buying the gimmick about me feeling sick. She's too smart for that.

Finally, after what feels like hours of my head spinning, my knees quivering and my lungs struggling to keep their breathing even and not explode, we reach the wide automatic doors.

Hanna slowly walks toward is, the motion sensor sliding open the doors. She steps into the sunshine, looking in at me and Brook. And I can feel it, her naturally-high levels of worry and pain are growing by the millisecond.

Brook is about to step through the door that's patiently staying open, when her head turns. I watch her dark brown orbs grow to the size of saucers. I swivel my already-spinning head to follow her gaze. When I see my daughter's object of horrified focus, my stomach takes a plummeting nosedive down to my feet.

He is standing about 30 feet behind us, looking right at me. He knows I've seen him. There's a sickening smirk on his face. "Mommy...why is he looking at us?" Brook says shakily below me.

His gaze is making bile rise in my throat. A horrible sensation fills my body-sheer petrified terror, and bubbling, overwhelming anger. It makes me want to hide and cry, and bash his face in.

"We have to leave. Right now." I stumble backward and the door holds open. Brook follows me, clinging to my leg like a leech. I hear Hanna say something that's addressed to me, but the rushing in my ears, combined with the explosive beating of my heart is making me deaf.

I can't bring myself to look back into the mall, even though the urge is almost painful. I spot the car in the almost-full parking lot, and I start speed walking towards it. Hanna follows me, fear radiating off of her. We need to leave. We need to leave. We need to leave.

When we reach the car after what feels like an eternity, I drop the bags while looking for my keys. When I wrestle them out of my purse, I smack the unlock button with my trembling thumb.

Brook gets in first, and Hanna buckles her in, and the look on Brook's face makes motherly worry trace onto Hanna's features.

Hanna leans over Brook's booster seat and puts her 2 bags on the empty seat. I copy her and then shut the door, opening the driver's side and urgently plopping myself onto the beige-colored leather. Hanna emulates my action, her bottom lip in her mouth.

I don't even bother with a seatbelt, I just forcefully start up the ignition and back out of the parking spot. Once I get to the exit of the lot that empties onto the main road, my heart begins to slow down a bit.

But, my paltry moment of relaxation is brutally ended when I see another car pull out of a very near parking spot...a dark Volvo.

_His_ dark Volvo.

A million and a half memories explode through my mind. Suddenly, I'm driving. I've turned onto the main road and am speeding towards the freeway, my breathing haggard and rushed. I look in my rear view mirror, and see the car loosely trailing behind us.

_No...no...no..._

I turn onto the ramp that goes up onto the freeway. I press the gas, pushing the car to a bit above the speed limit. I see Hanna's eyes flash with overbearing fear. "E-Emily..."

"What's up, Han?" I say, trying to keep my voice soft, steady, and gentle.

"What's...what's going on?"

I sigh. I can't tell her. "At the mall...there was-" My words are cut short by Brook's voice, floating from the backseat.

"Mom...I don't feel g-good." She says shakily. _Fuck_. I silently curse. I look in my rear view mirror at my daughter. She has her hands on her stomach, and her face is slightly pale.

"What's wrong, Brookily?" Hanna asks, thankfully drawing her attention from me to Brook.

"I feel like I'm gonna puke." She says, and I have to halt myself from cursing out loud.

"Okay...um..." Hanna swivels her blonde head, presumably looking for a bag. I glance in my side view mirror, and nearly shriek.

The dark Volvo is a few cars behind us, and shows no signs of stopping or moving. I push the gas petal a little harder, changing lanes. The dark Volvo follows behind. Fuckity Fucking Fuck.

I weave through cars, getting one or two sharp blasts of people's horns. I grip the wheel with so much sheer force my knuckles turn white. The dark Volvo still trails behind. I think about getting off on a random exit, but I don't trust he won't stop us at a traffic light.

Suddenly, the dark Volvo gets over into the lane next to me. Then, it veers off on the ramp of exit 72. I watch it intently until it dissipates from my vision. "What the fuck?" Escapes my mouth before I can stop it. Hanna looks at me, an odd and questioning looking on her face. I hear Brook giggle a bit. I try not to curse in front of her, but when I can't help myself, she usually giggles.

"S-sorry..." I say, confusion riddled throughout my voice. What the fuck was that? Was that not even him? Of course it was him! Why did he get off?

My stream of seemingly-endless questions is cut off by a loud retching and then splashing sound in the backseat. Hanna whips her head backwards, gasping. I urgently look in the rear view mirror. Brook is covered in vomit, tears on her cheeks. _God fucking damnit!_

"Brookily..." Hanna says, mother-like sympathy and sadness in her voice. "It's okay, baby girl. Don't cry, we're not mad at you." Hanna assures, grabbing a stack of napkins from the center console and passing them backwards. She twists awkwardly to partially clean off Brook.

I try to work words of comfort out of my mouth, but to no avail. I just nod, trying to silently agree with Hanna.

I crack the windows to allow the smell of vomit to fade away. While Hanna countinues to wipe down the crying girl in the backseat, my mind races like a panther who drank a Red Bull.

What was that? I know that was him, but why did he just...drive away? Why was he at that mall? He didn't have any bags or anything. Did he...know we we're going to be there? Why did he know what Brook looks like before today? How?

My heart doesn't slow down until we're back home. And even then, it's still abnormally beating. I take in our bags, my hands still shaking in pure adrenaline, confusion, and rage.

Hanna silently takes Brook upstairs to get her cleaned up and bathed. It makes my heart ache to think I'm making her do everything for Brook. It also petrifies me to think Brook might say something about what happened today. And to think about how suddenly shaky and weak I get when something like that happens. It makes me think about how in the hell I'm going to I'm going to stay strong for Hanna if I can't even stay strong for me or my daughter.

And, a gargantuan feeling of unease is still flowing inside my veins.

That night, before I go to bed, I double lock the doors.

* * *

**Oh god...that was intense! I'm sorry, I don't feel very good about this chapter...but whatever. What did you guys think? What are your predictions? Let me know in a review or PM :) **

**So the next chapter is going to be the morning of the New York trip, so stay tuned for that ;) **

**Follow, Favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Reviews keep me happy and motivated!**

**See you guys soon :)**


	25. A Dream That Won't Come True

**Hi friends! So, I've decided to be a tease. This is the early morning of the New York trip...and it is overly stuffed with so much Hannily fluff you might puke up rainbows. Just so you know. The next chapter will be the actual beginning of the trip. **

**Let's get into it! :)**

**WARNING: severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_"Where did she go..." You ask out loud, to no one but yourself. You stand on your tiptoes, looking for Hanna's telltale blonde head among the crowd._

_An hour ago, Hanna had been spending almost 45 minutes trying to convince you to go to the bar a few blocks from your hotel. You'd been declining, because the last thing that you wanted to do was get shit-faced. The last time you went to a bar, you had a deathly hangover that was spanned across 2 days._

_And, the entire night was a gaping space in your memory. But you woke up with the taste of Hanna's lip gloss molted into your mouth, and your lips puffy._

_But, eventually, you gave into Hanna's begging...as you always do._

_So, you got dressed and walked to the club, your nerves running high. After successfully passing the bouncer, you breezed into the club, which was filled with raucous laughter and pumping music._

_You had made a vow you wouldn't get drunk so you wouldn't do anything questionable, opting for a root beer instead of something alcoholic. You felt like a 17 year old who can't legally get drunk yet._

_Hanna, on the other hand, was smash wasted instantly. She had stumbled over to the dance floor, but her grip on your wrist had been loosened by a conga line of drunk Spring Breakers. You had called for her, but the music seemed 271 times louder._

_It's been about 15 minutes of fruitless searching for the drunk blonde. And, as usual, worried and anxious knots had started to form in your stomach._

_"Hanna!" You scream, trying to get her attention, wherever she is. You cup your hands over your your mouth, trying again. A few odd glances from strangers, but no response._

_Then, something catches your eye. In the corner of the room, on a black fuzzy couch, there's Hanna._

_And, beside her is a dude, he looks about college-age. But, it's not him that grabs your attention. It's what he's doing._

_He's practically on top of Hanna, and his hands are being very intrusive of her "Personal Space". You can't see his face, but you can tell by his body language-he's trashed._

_But Hanna on the other hand...she has a nervous and uncomfortable look on her face. That's all it takes for anger to flare up inside you._

_You begin a stomping path to where you see them, every step making your anger stronger. By the time you get there, you're practically shaking._

_"Hanna! There you are!" You exclaim, and relief floods her eyes._

_"Hey, Em. Sorry." She says, still trying to awkwardly shift away from the guy. He looks at you, then her._

_"Are you are...? You ask, crossing your arms._

_"My name is Collin. Who are you?" You nod to yourself after he speaks, confirming what you already knew. He's drunk._

_"I'm Hanna's best friend. And it doesn't seem like she wants your advances, _Collin_." His name leaves a weird taste in your mouth._

_"Hey, she's fine. Aren't you, sweet cheeks?" He says, touching her cheek. She flinches._

_"No, she obviously isn't." You say defiantly. A look of anger begins to etch onto his face. He stands up. He stumbles a bit, but he's a few inches taller than you. Surprisingly, no anxious nerves fill you. Just more seething anger._

_"I didn't ask you. I asked her." He spits, his breath reeking of whiskey._

_"Well, she's in no position to answer. Or to be...flirted with by some drunk idiot that needs some deodorant." You say, pointedly squishing up your nose. He takes another step towards you, his poop-brown eyes flashing._

_Before he can do anything, your fist is hurtling toward his face, and colliding with his nose. He lets out a loud groan, stumbling backward. Finally he falls onto the floor, making a tall brunette squeak and jump away._

_Heads turn. Gasps are uttered._

_He clutches his now-bloody nose. "Don't fuck with my friend next time, _Collin_." You sneer, turning back to Hanna._

_"Come on, babe. Let's go home." You say, extending your hand to her._

_She grabs it and pulls herself up. She stumbles into you, before meeting your eyes. _Oh god, she's going to be mad. She's going to. I know it_. Your pumping adrenaline begins to fade. Finally, she smiles._

_"Oh my god...that was awesome!" She squeals, her eyes filled with rushing joy. "Emily...I've never seen you act like that! It was so fucking awesome!" She cries, still slurring. You smile a bit._

_"I...thank you. I don't like assholes hitting on you when you don't want it." You say truthfully, not meeting her eyes and grinning._

_"I know. I don't like it either." She leans on your shoulder as you begin to push through the still-staring and whispering crowd._

_When you get outside the club, you shake out the hand you hit him with. You may feel buzzed, but your fist hurts._

_Neither of you speak until you get back to the hotel. You get her into pajamas, the alcohol and her exhaustion making a bad combination for her functionality. Right before she falls asleep beside you, she whispers something that makes your heart warm, and a smile erupt onto your face._

_"Thank you, Em. I love you."_

* * *

It's a few hours after midnight when a sound wakes me up. I don't particularly like being woken up at all, but what wakes me definitely wasn't what I would've chosen to be woken up by if I could've chosen.

It was the sound of the love of my life stifling sobs into her pillow.

As soon as I hear it, my senses snap awake and I resist the urge to fly into a sitting position because I don't want to scare her. I glance at the clock; it's a few minutes after 2. I shouldn't be up for about 2 hours longer...our flight doesn't leave until 7:30 am and we have to leave for the airport at about 5:15.

But alas, I am awake. I'm awake, lying beside a girl who is crying into her pillow, trying desperately (and unsuccessfully) to not make any sound.

I momentarily contemplate what to do, but decide on just handling this like I handle most things-by winging it. I slowly sit up. Hanna's too immersed in her tears to notice the shift.

"Hanna...?" I whisper, gently putting my hand on her back. She stiffens. "Are you alright?"

"I...yeah. I-I'm okay." She says, her voice shaking.

"No you're not. You're crying."

She doesn't bother trying to lie. She just remains silent, sniffling.

"Do you want to tell me why?" I say gently, noiselessly praying she will. I know it'll probably make my eyes burn and my stomach heave, but I need to know what's plaguing her.

"It's stupid. It's nothing." She says quietly. A strand of hair drapes on the side of her face-which remains buried in the pillow. I brush it behind her ear.

"If it made you cry, it's not stupid or nothing." I point out gently, and I hear a soft sigh emit from her.

"I just...I just had a bad dream. That's it."

"Baby, that's not stupid." I say, rubbing her shoulder. "Do you want to roll over and tell me about it?"

She's silent for a few beats, then she slowly turns. Her hair is strewn around her tear-stained face. Her eyes are red and puffy. But her beauty never ceases to make my heart gallop. I wipe away the tears that are left.

"Yeah, I will. But...you'll be mad."

"No, I won't. Nothing you could tell me would make me mad, Angel. You can tell me. I won't be mad." I tell her.

I look at her, silently saying _whenever you're ready, Hanna._

"I...do you remember Brook's party? What h-happened?" She says quietly, not meeting my eyes. My heart tugs a little bit.

"I could never forget." My voice is already choked.

"Well, you saw...that again." Tears fall out of her blue orbs and cascade down her cheeks. "It was really b-bloody. And pretty horrible. And then...you left me." Her whisper is barely audible.

My eyebrows cock to the heavens. My heart beat immediately picks up.

_She had a dream I left her?_

"H-Hanna..."

"You ran away from me, and when I tried to call you, my voice wasn't there. It wouldn't make any noise. I heard the front door slam and then the car start and then it pull away."

"Hanna..." Nausea bubbles in my midsection.

"And then, I just kept bleeding and silently screaming for you until I hit the ground. You were already long gone. I kept saying your name until I couldn't anymore."

My brain can't process her words. _Why would she dream that? What did I do that would make her think that could happen? Did I do something _really_ wrong? _

Questions pummel my mind at top speed and I can't stop them. I know one solid thing-Hanna contemplating udder abandonment needs to be eradicated _immediately_.

"Hanna, listen to me." I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "You need to know something. A lot of bad things have already happened. A lot of bad things are going to inevitably happen. Things will probably get worse at some point to some degree, I'm sure of it." I don't break our gaze. I _can't_. I need her to know this.

"But, I don't care how bad things get. I don't care if I cry until I can't breathe. I don't care if it makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. I don't care how bad it is. I will never...never leave you. Iwill stand by your side through whatever means "necessary. If you need to cry, I'll comfort you and cry beside you. If you need to punch pillows until your hands hurt, I'll ice your knuckles. If you need me to soothe you and hold you and listen to you, I will."

Words fall from my lips at a breakneck pace. I don't want them to stop. They need to be tattooed onto Hanna's conscious. And replace the words Caleb tattooed.

"Through your tears and your blood and your cries, I'll be there, holding your hand and telling you it'll be okay. I know you haven't been able to count on anything other than pain for 8 years, but now, you can count on me. For everything." I finish my little speech with my voice heavy and my words hard. I know it seems overdramatic to go on this tangent because of a dream she had, but even if she doesn't realize it, some part of her conscious thinks I might leave her if she dreamt it.

Once, Spencer told me that if you dream about something happening-even if you don't realize it-some part of you believes that could happen. Or, you want it to happen. Her and I got into this discussion when I had a...less than G-rated dream about Hanna.

So now, I need every part of her-even that unnoticeable part of her mind-to know I'll be with her no matter what happens. I'll love her and care for her and stand for her no matter how horrible things get.

She's silent, searching my eyes with hers. I presume she's visually questing for any traces of deceit or secretly empty promises. But I know she'll only find sheer truth and perpetual love.

After what feels like days of deafening silence, she sits up. She's now at my level, and she interlocks our hands. "I love you." Her words are quiet, but they are also louder than 1,000 people screaming into bullhorns. "I love you so much. Do you know that?"

"Uh-huh. I love you too." I respond, squeezing her hand gently. "Do you know that?"

"I definitely do."

Her eyes look deeply into mine. It feels like she's peering right into my soul and exploring the deepest corners. I notice she has flecks of purple-ish teal across her ever-blue irises.

Then, after at least 5 minutes of intense and sheer staring, I speak. Well, I whisper. "Do you believe in angels?"

The seemingly-random question seems to surprise her. Understandably. But she nods. "Yeah, I do."

"So do I." I bring my eyes to hers again after a brief second away. "And you're mine." The barely-audible words obviously send shock waves through her pajama-clad body. My heart begins to immensely pick up as soon as the hushed words escape my lips.

Within a few moments of horrible silence, I'm in panic. _I freaked her out. She's disgusted. She's mentally cringing right now. She's weirded out._

Why the fuck did I even say that?

I swallow. "I-I'm sorry. I...I didn't mean to say that. Never m-mind." I turn away from her, putting my face in my hands. Part of me aches for her to talk. The other half doesn't want to hear her verbally tell me how grossed out she inevitably is.

_Jesus Christ, I'm sorry Hanna._

"Hey, stop." She says, and I hear shuffling, then her hands on top of mine. She gently pulls them from my tired, flustered face.

I suddenly get an exploding flashback of our cruise...the second time her lips met mine. That feels like millions of years ago. Before all of this. Before Caleb ever hit her. When Hanna was still effervescent, silly, flirtatious and full of jokes. When her smile was always real. _Before he broke her._

When I put my crushing fear aside and look up, I'm met with her eyes, perpetually sparkling with love...and not disgust. _What?_ "Emily, stop. Why are so upset all of the sudden?"

"I-I thought I w-weirded you o-out..."

"The only thing you just did was make me think. Think about what I could have done to deserve you."

"You're you. That's what you've done to deserve me."

"I'm not an angel. An angel is someone who's pure and innocent and beautiful. I'm the opposite of an angel." She says sadly, and I see pain in her eyes. I take her face in my hands, which forces her to look at me.

"You're the definition of beautiful. You're the epitome of pure and innocent. You've just had some bad stuff happen to you, that's all. It changes your future...but it doesn't change who you are. You're still my Hanna Marin, you're still my Angel."

We stare again. It feels like my heart is seething love from between my ribs. I feels like my chest is pooling with all the affection I have for the girl sitting in front of me.

Then, her gaze shifts from my eyes to my lips. _Hanna...what are you doing..._

Before anything else has an opportunity to happen, I feel a little butterfly land on my lips. A little butterfly that tastes like Hanna.

It's 2:19 in the morning and she's kissing me.

For the first time in 8 years, Hanna Marin's lips are on mine. For the first time in 8 years, there's a tingling that won't stop exploding all over me, from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head. For the first time in 8 years, the love of my life is performing an act that will stick to my conscious forever.

And for the first time in 8 years...it feels like everything is right in the world.

* * *

**The ending of this chapter made me smile like a Hannily-shipping idiot. But, that's okay, because that's what I am. **

**So, what did you guys think? Let me know in a review :)**

**The next chapter is called The Morning After...which is the aftermath of Hanna's kiss and the beginning of the trip. And oh, it will be a trip to remember ;) **

**Don't forget to follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I'll update when I get 5+ pieces of feedback. I'll see you lovelies soon :) **


	26. The Morning After and The Morning Of

**Hi friends! Here's a new chapter for you guys, thank you for being so patient with me and my weirdness :) **

**Now, onto chapter 24!**

**WARNING: Severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

_You're woken by a loud groan._

_You're tired. It seems unnecessary how tired you are. You don't remember doing anything particularly tiring._

_As soon as the noise registers in your ears, the memories of last night wave into your drained conscious. The bar. Your root beer. Hanna's countless alcoholic cocktails. Losing her in the drunken crowd. The weird pervert who you punched. Hanna stumbling back to the hotel. Her slurred "I love you."_

_You didn't drink anything, but you still feel hungover. You have a weird headache, and you're just drained. And your fist is aching. Maybe you just don't want to go back to school so you're becoming kind of psychosomatic._

_But the groan that wakes you up isn't your's, it's Hanna's. You roll over and sit up. Her head is wedged under her pillow, and her knees are pulled up to her chest. A groan is still seeping from her mouth._

_"Good morning." You say, smirking to yourself. You can practically _feel_ her hangover._

_"Ahh, shut up. Why are you talking so loud?" She grumbles, her voice quiet, tired, and filled with grumpiness._

_"I'm not. But, I can if you want me to..." You tease, letting your voice get gradually louder._

_"Ahh, fuck you." She says, annoyance in her voice as she goes to swat at you._

_"Ha ha. I told you to not get shit-faced. But...you didn't listen..." You say, pointedly making your voice breezy and light to show her you most definitely _don't_ have a hangover._

_"You're an asshole." She says, rolling to her side and covering her face with the blanket. You smile to her back._

_"Hey, you weren't saying that last night." You giggle, and when you realize how suggestive that sounded, blush floods your face._

_"Oh I wasn't...? Did we fuck or something?" Your heart is jolted by the breeziness in her voice. You've been awake 2.5 minutes and Hanna's already being flirty. Hell, she was probably winking and smirking at you in her sleep. You swallow and take a breath._

_"N-no...but it's along those lines..." You hope she won't get upset when you tell her. You _really_ hope she won't get upset when you tell her. "Some drunk asshole was trying to fuck you last night, and you totally weren't thrilled..."_

_"Oh god, am I pregnant?" She asks, and you can't fence your laugh._

_"Well actually, you wouldn't know yet if it happened last night..." You correct, not being able to help yourself._

_"Oh whatever. So what happened?" She finally says, groaning again._

_"Well, you weren't thrilled, so I think I broke his nose for you." You say, not even attempting to be indirect. She's silent, and your seemingly natural reflex kicks into high gear. You automatically fear the worst possible scenario based off her silence._

_Then, slowly, she rises. You can see in her eyes-she's in pain. But, a grin spreads over her drowsy features like a wildfire._

_"You punched him for me?"_

_"Yeah...really hard actually. My fist kind of hurts."_

_Her expression is unintelligible. You can't tell if its happiness, gratitude, anger, annoyance, or love._

_"You hit him...for me? Just for me?" She a__sks again, and the emotion overflowing in her voice is not something you had even thought...its disbelief._

_"Of course I did I! You didn't seem very fond of him or his advances-" Before your sentence is completed, you're cut off by a very-hungover blonde launching herself into your bare arms._

_You're too frozen to hug back for a moment. Then, when your brain catches up with your body, you wrap your arms around her tired body and hug her back._

_"Thank you. You stopped me from getting unwillingingly fucked by some drunk asshole." She says, and you can't help your chortle. "Really Em. Thank you. I'm sorry I was too drunk to remember it."_

_Your heart swells with emotion. "Of course, Hanna. I'll always protect you." You tell her truthfully, rubbing her back._

_"I know. I love you for that." She says, then retracts from your arms. It feels premature. "Now, I'm lying back down. Because I still feel like a hungover, used ass-wipe." She says, and you notice the slightly-pale tone of her fatigued face._

_"Okay. I will too. I'm tired."_

_You both emulate each other, reclining back into your cavern of pillows. Automatically she curls her head into your side, presumably shielding her eyes from the light._

_Then, you feel words radiate through your body. Hanna's words-tiny and barely noticeable. "Thank you, Emily." The seriousness and perpetual love in her voice makes you feel like you did something more heroic than punching a drunk idiot. It makes you feel like you did something much greater than that. _

_Something monument, almost._

_"Of course, Hanna." You say when you find your words. You plant a gentle kiss on the top of her messy blonde. head. "Of course."_

* * *

"Hanna...baby, you gotta wake up. We have to head to the airport in about an hour." I gently carress her shoulder, sweeping her tresses behind her ears with my free hand. This may sound weird...but I love the way she looks when she's asleep. The way she looks careless, beautiful, free from everything that plagues her when she's awake.

I don't want to disturb her newfound peace, but she has to get ready, and eat, etcetera etcetera. "Hanna..." I feel her stir, then roll over. Her beautiful eyes crack open and gaze tiredly at me. "Hey, sleepy pants. How'd you sleep?"

She giggles. "Did you just actually call me 'sleepy pants'?"

I feel myself blushing and smiling shyly. "I meant to say 'sleepy head' but I was also was thinking about pants for some reason..." I ramble slightly, internally kicking myself for being such a buffoon. She brings her pointer finger to my lips.

"I don't care, it was cute." She says, and I sigh gently.

Last night-or rather, this morning-after her lips had connected with mine, she had pulled away enough that there was no direct contact anymore, but I could still feel her breath shuddering onto my mouth. "I love you..."

It made me feel like someone dumped crackhead ants into my bloodstream with the way I was shaking.

"I love you too..." I was slightly breathless.

She gave me another whisper of a kiss and then softly suggested going back to bed. I nodded, completely mute and not knowing what to say.

Hanna's lips are just as much of a drug as they've always been. They've always left me unfocused and dazed, and when I didn't have them, I felt almost aching for them. That's how I felt all those years of our childhood friendship. That's how I felt last night. That's _still_ how I feel now.

We'd lied back down, the warmth of her body nearly smothering me. She was half on top of me, her heartbeat pumping against my own. She buried her face in my neck, and I couldn't help but sigh in contentment. It felt like I'd been doing a lot of sighing for the past 2 months. Sometimes in bliss, sometimes in misery.

But right then, it was nothing but raw, sheer bliss.

"Thank you." She had said, her voice sleepy and slow. She had touched her lips to my cheek, then lied back down and slipped into sleep. What was she thanking me for? I don't know. Maybe for kissing her back. Maybe for everything I've done. Maybe just for loving her.

I didn't fall asleep until 30 minutes before my alarm went off, rudely interrupting Hanna and I's content and joyous cuddle-fest. I was too wrapped up in the girl who never left my gentle hold. She only moved once the rest of the night, and that was to tangle her fingers in my wild bed-hair.

When my alarm slammed into my drowsy conscious, I felt surprisingly awake for someone who is..._mildly_ sleep deprived.

I had untangled Hanna and I from each other, grinning at the way I automatically lifted to the tips of my feet as soon as I got out of bed.

And, while things were equally messed up, and I'm still jumpy and shaken from our encounter with Caleb at the mall, things seem to be more sunny than gray. Only by a tiny, tiny bit, but a bit nonetheless.

We were going to a place which my daughter endlessly loves, and where Hanna and I have countless, heart-warming memories with each other. Hanna had-_voluntarily_-kissed me, and repeatedly uttered 3 small, heart-exploding words directed purely to me.

Also, she's gotten better about my working again within the past few days. The vulnerability and fear that I had seen in her eyes that first day was starting to dissipate, but her bliss when I got back had seemingly tripled.

She's eating more now, and her bruises are fading. So much that they're unnoticeable from a certain distance. I've also noticed she's still paperdoll thin, but she's definitely putting on weight. She was worryingly skinny when I saw her, and now, she's just underweight. She doesn't look skeleton-like anymore. She obtains an abundance of new clothes, which I know; she feels pride for picking out by herself.

But, at work, Alison has been my shadow, always lingering around me with cheeky grins and flirty eyes. I can't lie...she's really pretty. But, I'm never going to be able to love-or even like-her in any way she wants. I notice whenever I talk to or about Hanna, a jealous air hangs around her.

Hanna doesn't know about her, and I really don't plan to tell her. It makes my heart tug violently to think she might assume something's going on between Alison and I...for her to think she's going to be replaced or something.

Even with Alison being overly-flirtatious, everything just...seems to be in an okay place. I know it's somehow going to come crashing down soon, so I'm trying to soak up the okay-ness that things are in right now.

So now, as Hanna giggles from my odd nickname for her, I smile. I love her laughing, even if it's only a titter or chuckle.

"I'm going to go wake Brook. Stay awake for me though, Sleepy Pants." I say, her giggle making me grin again.

"Okay. I'll get up in a minute. My pants are very sleepy, you know." This time it's my turn to giggle.

I walk out of our bedroom and down the hall, to Brook's room. I open the door, and smile at the girl sprawled-out on her bed, face down like she's free-falling. "Hey Brook...guess what today is?" I kneel by her bed, rubbing her back. She stirs and turns over almost immediately.

"It's New York day!" She says, joy filling her tired eyes. I nod.

"Uh-huh!"

The sleep perishes from her voice in seconds. "Dear god, I'm so excited! I think I'm going to jump out of my epidermis!" Apparently her teacher had taught her the word _epidermis_ in class on Thursday, because she's been repeatedly using it since I picked her up.

"So am I! Now, have you picked out your outfit?" I pull her to her feet, and she pulls up her pajama pants. They're at least 2 sizes too big, but she liked them, so that was final. She nods in response to me.

"Yeah! It was a hassle, though." She says, wiping pretend sweat from her forehead. That she definitely picked up from Spencer. Also, I've always let her dress herself. Even if she wanted to wear a leopard print dress and sparkly rainbow leggings, I'd let her. Eventually she learned she'd get teased for it, so she chose more sensible outfits.

She bounds to her closet, picking up a folded ensemble of her new clothes. She unfolds them, holding the garments like they're precious gems. She chose her new black shirt with the Empire State Building outlined in shiny glitter. She also chose red jeans and a red beanie. She's always worn Beanies since she was little, and I think they look adorable on her, so I don't protest. I'm not surprised at her overall outfit choice though, she's a shockingly good fashionista for just 8 years old.

"Nice!" I slap her palm, and she skitters off to the bathroom, excitement trailing behind her like dust on an old Subaru. I smile.

I walk back to Hanna and I's room, telling Brook to get dressed when she's done in the bathroom through the door. She tells me she will, her voice happy and anticipating.

When I walk back into the room, Hanna's standing in the middle of the room, yawning. "Hey, Sleepy Pants. Crazy Butt is acting like she pumped Red Bull into her veins, and is already starting to drive Mommy Face crazy." I say, holding back my giggles. Her cheeks puff out with restrained laughter, and when it finally jailbreaks her mouth, it rings out like a church bell.

But the bell of a church calls to it's listeners to come and Praise God and Jesus. But Hanna's bell of a laugh just calls to me, soothing some of the biting anxiety in my heart and replacing it with a sense of contentment and elation.

After our laughter dies down, she looks at me. My cheeks redden a bit under her gaze. "I uh...I need to get dressed." I finally say, a sudden feeling of awkwardness nipping at my skin.

"So do I." She responds, and I can tell the feeling isn't on her, but she senses it on me. I nod, and break our gaze before she does.

As I turn to my dresser, I feel my first little smack of regret for letting our lips connect last night. I know what happens in the days and weeks that trail our kisses.

It's painfully awkward for me, and insignificant to her.

* * *

"Okay, are we ready?" I ask Hanna and Brook.

Brook responds by smiling widely and exclaiming "Heck yeah!"

And Hanna responds with a small but sweet grin, and a meek nod.

"I know you're ready, Brookie." I point a finger at her, and she nods quickly.

"If you didn't know, I think you'd be dead and blind!" Brook says, and her misspeak makes me giggle internally.

"I think you mean _deaf_, Brookily." Hanna corrects before I have the chance.

"Oh yeah. 'Cause you're not dead. Even though you might be if you didn't know I was ready!" She says, and Hanna giggles this time.

"So what about you?" I turn to the giggling blonde who stands by Brook's side. Her smile fades, and after a silent moment, she nods.

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"100%."

"You'll tell me if you're scared, uncomfortable, worried, in pain, or upset, right?"

"Right."

It's been an hour since we all rose from our slumber, of running around and stressing. My mental to-do list had seemingly been ripped up. It was randomly distorted.

_Get Brook fed._

_Get dressed._

_Make sure Hanna eats._

_Wake Brook._

_Leave._

_Pack carry-on._

_Wake Hanna._

_Load the car._

_Make sure Hanna gets dressed._

_Wake up._

_Get ready._

_Eat._

I like to consider myself organized, but traveling throws that trait crashing through and out the window.

After making sure that Hanna didn't eat too little and Brook didn't eat too much-because she had her little vomit attack on Wednesday from overeating-I managed to chug a Gatorade and slam down a granola bar.

After countlessly double, triple, and quadruple checking our bags and telling Brook she can't wear heels on the plane, I finally felt ready. I told Brook to unlock the car and load her backpack while I talked to Hanna.

I had asked her if she's ready. She looked at tiny bit unsure, but promised me _yes_. I asked her if she'll tell me if she's upset in any possible way. She looked slightly nervous, but promised me _yes_. I asked her if she'll tell me if she's hurting at all or anxious at all...and she looked highly doubtful, but quietly swore to me _yes_.

And I told her I believe her.

So now, to see a minuscule amount of confidence in her nod makes pride and happiness explode inside me. And to hear a dwarf piece of self-assurance in her voice is making me wordlessly happy.

"Let's go." Hanna's the first to say it, surprising me. I smile, and look to a stationary Brook.

"Hey, you heard your mom. Let's do this!" I say, gesturing to Hanna. She grins blissfully.

"Yeah! New York! New York! New York!" She chants as she gallops to the car. I pick up Hanna and I's carry-on backpacks. She looks like she wants to make herself carry it, but she stays reticent. I lock the door and we pace through the chilly morning air.

"You can do this. I know you can, Hanna. I believe in you." I tell her reassuringly, brushing my arm against her's.

"I know I can, too." Her quiet words send waves of proudness and love breezing through me.

They're only 5 words, but the amount of meaning behind them is priceless.

The amount of meaning behind them is making a small bubble of hope rise in me. Maybe, maybe...Hanna's actually happy and confident she'll have fun.

Maybe the endlessly, wordlessly horrible scars she has-on her body, and her heart-are starting to heal.

* * *

**Sorry, I definitely don't think this is my best...but whatever. Thank you all for your support and love! You guys rock ;)**

**So, let me know what you guys thought of this in a review please! I'll update when I get 5+ pieces of wonderful feedback. Thank you guys, and I'll see you soon :) **


	27. Leaving On A Jet Plane

**Hey, friends! So, this chapter is ridiculously long. I'm sorry if it's annoying to read, but hopefully it's worth it. I couldn't find any good place to split it into 2, so that's why. I kind of feel like my chapters are going downhill, so I'm going to try to make them better! Thank you guys for all your reviews and support, it means a lot :)**

**So, let's get on with it! **

**WARNING: severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

_"I. Don't. Want. To. Leave." Hanna's misery-riddled words are punctuated with the heavy stomping of her sandal-clad feet._

_"Neither. Do. I." You would try to be annoyed at her uninterrupted complaining, but you can't. Because you're feeling the same way._

_"This has been so much fun, Em. Seriously. My cheeks...they hurt from smiling." Hanna says, stopping a few feet from the car and looking into your eyes. You swallow heavily._

_"So do mine. This has been so..." You search for a word, but only come up with one. "Perfect. It's been perfect." Hanna nods promptly._

_"Agreed."_

_You continue your sorrow-filled path to the parked car. You _really_ don't want to leave. It was Hanna that made the spontaneous trip perfect, and you know that damn well. You're pretty sure it's not Sarasota that you have such a fondness for, although the beach town is gorgeous. _

_It's Hanna. And being with Hanna. And laughing with Hanna. And swimming with Hanna. And dancing, singing, running, and being childlike and youthful with Hanna. Just _Hanna_._

_You 2 live together. But, you're in college. The amount of childlike, sheerly blissful time you 2 get to spend together is minimal. Between endless homework, tortuous classes, and minuscule bits of sleep, the only real time you spend together is at night. Which is really agitating__. For spending blissful and smile-filled time with Hanna might just be your favorite thing._

_But now, you have to go back to New York. Back to school. Which is definitely not something you're celebrating._

_In the morning, Hanna had repeated her gratitude and love for you and you had lied back down with her. You had decided to recount all corners of the spontaneous trip. It was horribly terse, but somehow, you and Hanna had still made a myriad of everlasting memories._

_The drive._

_The rest stops._

_The Burger place._

_The thing she did _after_ the burger place. (You had tried to skip over the recounting of this particular incident, but as soon as you saw a telltale smirk on the blonde's face, you knew there was no going back.)_

_Hanna smothering you after your arrival._

_The room._

_The pools._

_The beach._

_The list went on endlessly. Finally, the clock announced it was almost lunchtime, and-albeit much complaining-you both rose. After watching your hungover best friend swallow an Advil and chug a Red Gatorade, you had made yourself look semi-presentable. You and Hanna had donned new outfits, and after fawning over how goddess-like the blonde looked, you left the hotel room._

_You had overdosed on blueberry muffins and coffee at the quaint hotel Café, and then sat outside, and contemplated what to do with your last day. You had mutually decided you just wanted to relax and spend time together._

_So, that's what you did._

_You had walked hand-in-hand along the beach. It was so endlessly peaceful, it felt almost impenetrable. And in a way, it was. You had laughed and smiled. You joked and giggled. You never wanted your trip to come to a close, but since it had to, this was the only way you would want. To walk in blissful silence with your best friend._

_You had tried not to dwell on the fact that you don't know when you'll get to visit a beach again. And while it was hard...Hanna helped distract you with her radiant laugh and bright smile. You tried to memorize the feeling of her hand._

_After the sun had shown the first signs of setting, you and Hanna had ended your serene pacing on the sand, and gloomily went back to your room. You somberly packed your items, mildly chastising yourself for how much unnecessary trinkets you brought. Somehow, Hanna had even made re-packing somewhat enjoyable with her childlike humor. _

_So, with much sorrow, you abandoned your hotel room, and silently rode down the elevator. You had checked out at the front desk, deciding to keep your room keys as cheap souvenirs. You had pocketed your's, grabbed your suitcase, and pessimistically walked through the automatic doors._

_So now, you and Hanna board the vehicle, stuck in a dismal silence. You start the car. You're about to back out of your spot, when you feel Hanna's warm hand on top of yours._

_"You are the best friend I could ever dream of." She says quietly, her tone monotonous, but her voice riddled with emotion. Your heart begins its breakneck pace. "Thank you." She silences, but her hand doesn't move._

_You're not exactly sure what she's thanking you for. Maybe for going on the trio with her. Maybe for buying her countless souvenirs. Maybe for driving. You don't know. But whatever it is, you're glad. And whatever it is, her hushed words send happy shivers down your spine. _

_So, bidding one last goodbye to your beloved hotel, you back out of your spot, and turn onto the main road. Suddenly, you're speaking to your tired, still-hungover, and gloomy best friend._

_"Hey, Hanna?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You're welcome."_

* * *

We just got through security and Hanna is freaking out.

I rub her back, feeling how tense it is from holding back tears and forbidding them from escaping. I feel her hurried breath on my ear, accompanied by little squeaks when she exhales.

After the 45-minute long ride to get to the airport-which is oddly enough longer than the plane ride itself-and listening to Brook babble nonsense excitedly, we had parked in the long-term lot, and I had given Hanna another little pep-talk. Brook has joined in, offering up a hug and an encouraging "You can do it Mommy. I know it'll be hard but you can."

I can tell it made her feel better.

But, the confidence she'd been building began to unravel as soon as we walked into the airport. It was slightly crowded, but not too-many-people-oh-my-god-I-can't breathe-crowded.

In the morning, Hanna had lathered concealer over the bruises on her face, and even though they're a barely-noticeable yellow, she was still too paranoid about someone noticing to not cover them up somehow. (Apparently her concealer skills have been heightened, and I can most definitely imagine why. Caleb probably depended on Hanna's ability to hide markings on her face.) So other than the way her hands were shaking and the demons and fear in her eyes were overwhelmingly powerful, she looked normal.

From the outside, I'm sure we look like normal people. Just 3 girls going on a little vacation. Hanna in her comfy Yoga Pants, me in my soft jeans, and Brook in her red beanie. Maybe a little hipster, but normal nonetheless. From the outside I didn't look like my brain was in hypo-overdrive, but it definitely was. Chock-full of worries and apprehensions, miniscule traces of excitement within itself.

But, Brook wasn't hiding anything. She was letting her sheer elation be well-known to everyone within a 10 mile radius of her. And between her flouncing gait, excited babbling, and wide smile, you'd be deaf and blind to not know she was thoroughly stoked.

Hanna had clamped onto my arm as soon as we walked in. We'd checked our bags, which was 3 small-ish suitcases. She had stayed silent the whole time.

As soon as we stepped away from the counter, she had started to hide behind me, whispering "I'm more scared than I should be."

"I get it, Angel. We're almost to security. Then we can get some food and wait for our plane. Don't worry. It's okay. It's okay." I had repeated words of that nature right up until we had reached security.

Ever since I started traveling when I was like .5, I've hated security. It always stresses me out, and has always made me feel so vulnerable and small...the way the guards would stare me down, like I'd already done something wrong.

I still feel that way, just a trillion-times more nervous and worry-ridden with Hanna. I'm not fearful about Brook though, she's always been sweet and breezy during security.

As soon as Hanna saw the long lines and invasive guards, I felt her breathing radically quicken. "Hey, breathe, Hanna. It's okay. I'll be with you the whole time. I won't leave your side. You don't have anything to worry about." I promised, rubbing her shoulder. She was silent, then nodded at me.

"You can do this." I'd reiterated that fact all through the line. I would feel her rapid breathing begin to decline, but then whenever a machine went off loudly or someone yelled or anything sudden and loud happened, she would flinch painfully hard and her breathing would pick back up instantly.

By the time we got to the front of the line, her face was worryingly pale. We had handed the guard our ID's and tickets, and Brook had exuberantly announced to her we were going to New York. She had responded with a small, tight smile. I inwardly rolled my eyes.

After some worrying actions from Hanna, fear flooding her eyes countless times, and watching her eyes well when I had to walk through the metal-detector before her, we got through. Brook had squealed excitedly, and Hanna had practically molded her shaking hand to my forearm.

We got pizza slices and drinks from Sbarro. Hanna had only ordered 2 slices and chips, and considering the size of the slices, that sprung up some more worry inside me. Her stomach is probably in too many knots to eat. I know mine is. I only got food in case the knots loosened.

We walked to our gate, hearing an announcement that they would be starting boarding in about 15 minutes. I told Brook and Hanna how fun this was going to be, more for Hanna's sake than Brook's. She is well aware of fun it will be.

I also told them that the flight will be less than half an hour, and Brook had nodded. "Yeah mom, I know that." Her voice was very teenager-like. I laughed, and Hanna even cracked a smile.

Then, she was being silent, but content. Until a man walked by the waiting seats that we resided in. As soon as she saw him, I saw her eyes widen and her fingers begin to tremble. He was tall, with dark hair and light skin. He looked like a normal man, but Hanna's panicked reaction makes me obviously change my opinion.

"What is it? Who is that guy? Do you know him?" I had started spewing questions at her immediately, and she just nodded her head slowly, the fear in her eyes multiplying by the millisecond. "What do you know him from?" The rate that my heart was racing was unpleasantly shocking.

I looked up again, he had long blended away into the crowd. He didn't even acknowledge our presence, he was hurrying away, dragging a dark red suitcase behind him.

"He...he..." She tried to speak, but stopped and chomped down on her lip. I promptly moved to be in front of her.

"What? You can talk, Hanna. Breathe." Brook had looked up from her backpack to see the way Hanna was pale and shaking, and has been casting worried glances at her for almost 10 minutes.

Hanna hasn't been able to talk. I don't want to force her...but know she needs to. She had just melted into my open arms, and I felt the extremely rapid beating of her heart slow the tiniest bit.

By the time they announce our flight is starting to board, she had tried-and failed-to talk about 10 times. But I don't want her to be more upset then she is now, so I let the subject of the man go. I silently promise to myself and her that I won't let it go forever, though.

"Are you okay to fly, Han?" I ask her, pulling her back slightly so I can look into her eyes. I peripherally see Brook tense up. I feel the nerves radiate off of her.

There's a silent pause, then Hanna behinds to nod. "Y-yeah."

I open my mouth to ask if she's sure, when she bobs her head again, seemingly reading my mind. "I am. I just...I need to get out of here right now." She says, pulling away from me and standing up. I mimic her action, subtly analyzing how she seems genuinely sure of herself.

I hear Brook exhale a sigh of relief when she sees us rising from our seats and grabbing our bags. She zips her own backpack and stands with us. That's all we have, 3 backpacks. From now until we land, it's only about 40 minutes.

We make our way to the gate, standing behind a tall brunette woman with a large purse. I stand blatantly in front of Hanna, and let a squealing Brook stand beside me. I don't want either of them to get thumped with the lady's gargantuan bag.

As we near the front of the line, Hanna edges herself to practically on top of me, and I felt her quick breathing on my shoulder.

I hand the short woman at the door of the gate our boarding passes. I silently will for Hanna's anxiety to decrease. The woman scans them, then rips off the bottom and passes them back to us. I shove them into my pocket. "Hey sunshine, make sure to visit Brooklyn while you're in NYC!" The woman says, winking. Brook's face lights up. "Is it your name after all!"

"I know! It's awesome!" She responds, and I feel my lips curl into a smile. The woman chuckles.

"Have a fun trip, girls." See addresses us all now, and Brook and I thank her. She smiles at Hanna, so I assume she returns it.

We walk down the tunnel that leads to the the plane. I see a few folded strollers collapsed and tagged with identification. I internally smile, Brook was still in a stroller the first time we came to New York.

Then I externally frown, that trip violently tore me apart...I had never experienced The Big Apple without having Hanna by my side. Spencer came on that trip to help me with Brook-and moral support-and she watched me fall apart at certain things.

Like driving past our college. Or the large lake in Central Park that we used to sit and and feed the ducks. Or when we sat in the Barbie Ferris Wheel cart at Toys R Us. That was Hanna and I's cart.

I feel my heart tug at the memories, then shake them out of my head. I feel nervousness and anxiety radiate off of the blonde behind me. The combination of whatever connotation she had with that man, plus flying-which has always been a source of worry for her-on top of the general social anxiety that's still ridden through her, her insides must be in absolute turmoil.

We step onto the plane, and I quietly sigh and roll my eyes when I see how stuffed it is. I hear Hanna swallow. "Our seats are 12, A B and C." I tell Brook, who leads our way. Hanna's feet shuffle only centimeters away from mine. "It's okay, Hanna. We're almost there. It's okay." I whisper to the fear-ridden blonde behind me. She doesn't respond.

"Okay, here we go! Can I sit at the window?" Brook asks hopefully, and I turn to Hanna.

"Hmm...what do you think? Should the child sit at the window?" I joke, mocking thought. She twists her mouth.

"Well okay...I mean this is her birthday trip..." She says, shrugging, and trying to hide her smile.

"Yes it is. So, therefore, I get the window seat. If you have a problem with that, you can contact my lawyer." She says, marching to the seat and plopping down. I try to swallow my laughter, and Hanna definitely doesn't. Her laugh soothes my nerves, and makes the residue of everything that happened in the airport melt away.

I gesture for Hanna to sit between Brook and I. I want to be on the outside so I can hug her if she gets upset, and so people's colossal, junk-laden bags can ram into my shoulder and not her's.

She shuffles in the narrow aisle between the seats and the tray tables, and sits on the cloth seat. I smile at her, and she shakily returns it. I take the final seat, putting Hanna and I's bags under the seats in front of us. I sit back, and she sighs. I turn to her.

"What's up?"

"Just...nervous. And excited. I don't know. I'm kind of stuffed with inner conflict." She says, anxiously smiling and tracing the table tray with her finger.

"I know. I get it. But this trip will be good for us. We'll get a break."

"I know."

"It'll be fun, I promise."

"I know."

"Do you believe me?"

"Yeah."

After she says-well, whispers-that, we just stare at each other. I try to silently tell her what I can't form with my words. I'm not sure if it works.

Finally, Brook impedes our intent staring session with a loud "Hey, I know you're nervous. But this is gonna be really fun! We'll go to fun places and do fun things...and we'll be with you the whole time. Promise."

Hanna turns to her, looking at her for a little while. "Thank you." Hanna's voice breaks as she pulls Brook into her arms. I watch their embrace, wondering how my heart hasn't spontaneously combusted with love for them yet.

When they retract from each other, Brook turns to me with her mouth in a perfect O. "Mom, we have to take a selfie before the plane takes off!" She says urgently, and I can't barricade my laugh. The way she said it...as if everyone would instantly die a slow, tortuous death if we don't take a selfie.

"Okay, Brook. Relax." Hanna says, chortling. I reach into my pocket and remove my phone. I breezily smile at the screen saver, it's a selfie Hanna and Brook snapped a few days ago when I was in the shower. It was another one that was taken with a selfie stick, and I don't even think Hanna knew she took it.

They wear sweet, blissful smiles that overtake their entire faces. They're gazing lovingly at each other, and they just look so peaceful and innocent. Hanna seems so innocent and sweet when she's with Brook. Like the small girl melts away everything evil in Hanna's past.

The picture will forever make my heart seethe love and happiness.

After my moment of stupid grinning, I unlock my phone and tap the camera app. I turn the screen horizontally, and adjust myself so Hanna and Brook are right behind me. I hold out my arm, earning a derogatory glance from an old woman sitting in the row next to our's.

"Okay guys, say 'New York!" Brook says, and we oblige. We take one of us all with excited smiles, one with our tongues out, and one with our lips in a pout.

By the time we're done taking pointless-but-meaningful selfies, the Flight Attendants are announcing that they are closing the doors. I see Hanna's face fall and her mouth twist. "Hey, breathe. It'll be okay." I whisper to her, clasping our hands together. She looks at m

The, fear in her eyes.

"It's only 30 minutes long." She says, referring to the plane ride.

"Yeah."

"I can do that."

"Yes you can."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"You can do this." Our short-sentence conversations seem to be very common today.

"Yeah, you can, mommy. Don't be scared. It'll be okay." Brook takes Hanna's other hand in hers, and leans against her shoulder. I see Hanna sigh happily.

"I know it will Brookily. Thank you."

I scoot as close to Hanna as my lap belt with provide. As the safety announcement starts, I feel Hanna's breathing become more rapid. I put my hand to her chest, trying as hard as I can to make her feel better.

"It's okay." I repeat those words quietly until the announcements end. She opens her eyes. A blush radiates on my cheeks, and I move my hand.

"It's okay. I-I like it." She says, picking my hand back up and putting it back. Her heartbeat is still quick, but not worryingly so. I feel like a little girl again, weak under the stare of the love of my life. I look down.

"I'm okay." She says, taking a deep breath and noticing my averted stare. I nod.

"Okay. Let's do this." I straighten my posture and move my hand from her chest. My palm misses the feeling of her soft shirt.

"Yeah."

"Yeah! I'm so pumped!" Brook exclaims, her eyes twinkling.

"We know, Brookily. We know." Hanna says, rubbing Brook's knee. She smiles, and when the vibration of the plane's engine kicks on, she shivers in excitement.

"New York, here we come!" Brook narrates the take-off and divulges into more details about her excitement. Most people would be sick of it, but I'm not. I can't be. Her happiness is too perfect to be annoyed at.

Meanwhile, I'm trying keep Hanna calm. She looks terrified. She's never had a particular fear of flying, but things have changed.

"Breathe, Angel. You're okay. You're okay." I reassure.

"I know..." Her voice is quiet and airy. "But I don't feel okay..."

"What's wrong? Talk to me, Hanna."

"I'm scared."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Was it that man?"

"...I think so."

"Who was he?"

She casts a look back to Brook, who's tracing the oval-shaped window with her finger. "C-can...can I tell you at the hotel?"

"Of course."

"You'll tell me at the hotel."

"Yeah."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay. I believe you." I tell her, and she looks into my eyes, seemingly surprised I believe her.

"Good. Now, sit back, and try to relax." I put my arms around her, and she rests her head in the crook of my neck. Brook joins in on our little airplane-cuddle session, leaning her head on Hanna's side.

As soon as we feel a slight bumping, then the ever-magical sensation of soaring. Brook cheers. "Yay!" She says, bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Yay!" I repeat, smiling at her. I pull away from Hanna a bit, and look at the blonde. Her 1 word that she utters is barely audible, but still makes my heart shudder.

Just a short, single-syllabled "Yay".

* * *

**What do you guys think? Why do you think that man terrified Hanna so much? How do you think the New York trip will go? Let me know in a review...I'll update when I get 5+ pieces of feedback!**

**I'm sorry this chapter was über long, hopefully it was semi-worth it! Thank you guys for your support, and I'll see you soon :) **


	28. Welcome to the Big Apple

**Yep I know, you all hate me. I know. I don't blame you. I'm sorry.**

**But, if you can put aside your inevitable hated for me and read this short, not very god chapter...thank you. I'm also sorry for any mistakes...I'm sleep deprived beyond words. **

**So enough with apologizing. Let's get on with it!**

**WARNING: severe triggers, and Haleb fans, don't kill me. I have no thoughts in my head that Caleb could ever hurt Hanna on PLL, so don't get peeved. This is merely a fictional story. **

**I own nothing but the plot. All mistakes are mine. **

* * *

"_How about one of those Finnish Cabins? Those are pretty cozy. We could get a real fireplace and everything." Your best friend suggests._

_"Mmm...nice!" You agree, nodding. "Or maybe one of those Caribbean bungalows with a water slide that opens out into the ocean."_

_"I would be down for that!" She says, popping another peanut butter pretzel into her mouth. "'Good morning, I think I'm going to go for my AM waterslide run.'" She says, her voice bubbly and happy. You smile._

_You and Hanna have been driving for almost 8 hours. It's 4:23 in the morning, and your delirium is making you bubbly and goofy. You have been brainstorming about fictitious scenarios in which you don't go back to school you go to a spontaneous new location._

_An Igloo in Antarctica._

_A first-class cabin on a Carnival Cruise._

_A luxurious penthouse in LA._

_A remote island of the coast of the Carribean._

_The list goes on and on. How you two have not run out of ideas is beyond you. You are tired, despondent, and unbelievably blissful. You are tired because you have been awake for too long, despondent because you had to leave Sarasota, and unbelievably blissful because you're with Hanna. That doesn't surprise you at all. She can always make you smile when in the most despondent of moods._

_So now, as you drive along the desolate freeway, you supply ideas._

_"A western Ranch?" _

_"Hmm, maybe. I'm not a very big fan of farm animals..." She says, twisting her mouth in thought. "But, we could get horses! I'm quite a big a big fan of horses."_

_"Perfect! What will we name them?"_

_"Buttercup and Charlie." She answers automatically. You nod, agreeing._

_"Okay. Sounds good. Buttercup will be milky white and Charlie will be coffee brown." You state._

_"Precisely_! _What are you, a mind reader?" Hanna says, a chuckle in her voice._

_"Maybe, especially when it comes to theoretical horses." You smirk, and she giggles. You love her giggle._

_You two drive in comfortable silence for a little bit, tainted only by the crinkling of cellophane. Then, her voice suddenly explodes._

_"I got it! I got the perfect idea!" She announces loudly, bouncing in her seat like a child. You flinch, and take a breath. You're starting to feel a creeping exhaustion settle around you, and her sudden vocal explosion shocked that exhaustion away. Once your flinching moment is over, you respond to the exuberant blonde._

_"Okay, shoot!"_

_"What about we build one of those elaborate-as-fuck tree houses that require like a rope bridge and 2 ladders to get to? I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of nature, but we could make it uber-glamorous!" She suggests excitedly, and your stomach twists a bit. Somehow, you've developed an inexplicable fear of heights. And you live in central New York. _

_Your fear is rather inconvenient._

_"I don't know..." You twist your mouth, suddenly embarrassed and flushed. She looks at you._

_"Hey, don't worry, I'll console your fear of heights until you can practically dangle from Redwoods like a monkey without a second thought." The meaning behind her words make your lips pull into a smile, but the thought of that is still chilling._

_"And, if you still were afraid, I would walk you across the rope bridges Jack-and-Rose style. With my body behind yours and your hands in mine. And you could say 'Hanna...I feel like I'm flying!' And I could smile. Okay?" She says, a loving chuckle in her voice. Your rapidly-beating heart swells._

_"Sounds good." You say quietly, and even though her scenario is completely fictional, the thought of it still make your heart accelerate and your lips turn up into a smile._

_You love her so much._

* * *

The bumping of our plane touching down sends excited shivers down my spine. It also sends Brook's arms into the air and a jubilant cry to explode out of her mouth.

"We're here!" She screams, kicking her legs. I had to gently remind her a couple of times to not irritate the people in front of her, and until she got excited again, she obliged me.

"I know! I'm so excited!" Hanna cries, joining in Brook's celebration. I smile widely at their little airplane festivity.

During the flight, Hanna's heartbeat had slowed down enough for me to stop worrying after about 10 minutes.

Hanna and I had told Brook a story about our college days, which riddled me with countless emotions.

Joy when remembering those blissful years.

Embarrassment when I remembered our very...touchy-feely moments.

Crushing sadness when I remembered the things that happened after college.

But, I still kept a wide smile on my face. I didn't want Hanna or Brook to see my sadness...because while I knew I couldn't do anything to damper Brook's mood, I knew Hanna would feel at fault if she saw my frown.

So, after that, Brook decided to elaborately tell Hanna about our most recent trip to New York. Exaggeratingly talking with her hands, Brook recounted our excursions to the Statue of Liberty, the M&amp;M's store, and Coney Island.

She had also recurringly asked what we were going to do during this trip. I had externally responded with a mysterious shrug, but internally responded with a fearful "I'm not sure..."

That thought has been residing in my mind since I bought our tickets-Hanna is with us. There are a lot of activities we can't engage in. We can't go to a waterpark or go swimming, because if Hanna can't even wear short pants or shirts, it's out of the question for her to wear any kind of bathing suit. And I definitely don't blame her.

I don't know how much public activities we can take part in, either. Her social anxiety levels are still shot through the roof, and in somewhere like New York, I'm still authentically terrified about how she'll do. I've made a terse mental list of absolute priorities that have to happen before we leave.

Go to The Statue Of Liberty

Go to the M&amp;M's store.

Feed the ducks in Central Park.

Spend a day in Brooklyn.

Those are the things that _have_ to happen. I don't know how Hanna will feel about feeding the ducks...that was our thing from college. But, every time I've taken Brook to New York, we've done it. (In fact, the first time it happened when I took her, Spencer had to hold her while I cried. I cried a lot that trip.)

I know I have to find some way to try and mitigate Hanna's biting social anxiety. I just don't know how.

So, I decide not to worry about it for now. I do that an awful lot, I've noticed. When I don't know what to do, I decide to not worry about it. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's not. I hope this time it'll be good. Or at least not come around and bite me in the ass.

Instead, I decide to rejoice with my daughter. "I. Am. So. Happy." I say, pausing between my words for emphasis.

"Me too!" Brook concurs with me, her smile wide and bright.

"Me three!" Hanna adds, making my lips pull into a smile again. For a minute, we just smile at each other, Brook's joy filling us like balloons. Then, the pilot's voice startles us out of our blissful silence.

"Welcome to Queens, New York, folks! We are pulling into JFK International Airport right now...current time is 8:03 am. It is 61 degrees at the moment, sunny and clear. Flight time was...36 minutes. Hope you all enjoyed this marvelous excursion, thank you so much for choosing American Airlines." He announces, and a small shiver of excitement bubbles down my spine again.

But, the way Hanna is tensed in her seat doesn't escape my notice. "Hey, how was that? Was it hard?" I ask over the excited murmurs of other passengers. She looks at me with a surprised look in her eyes, as if she is just seeing me.

"I...it wasn't that hard, actually. Thank you...for being so helpful. It...it means a lot." She says, smiling bashfully and looking down.

"Of course. I'll always be here, Han." I tell her, inwardly smiling at the way her dimples are so prominent when she grins.

"I know." Her eyes meet mine, and I swear to God, if we weren't in a very public area and next to a very loud 8 year old, I wouldn't have stopped our lips from connecting. I don't know what that meant last night. I'm not sure if I want to...but maybe I do.

* * *

I really think I forgot the extreme fondness I have for New York.

I gaze through my windshield as we turn onto the street that will bring us to our hotel. Hanna's hand rests on mine. Brook is silent, which is rare. She's taking it in.

It's been awhile since I've visited this vast and beautiful city, and in that gap, I've forgotten some of the details. Little, stupid details. The way the sun or the moon sparkle against the endless supply of reflective windows. The way people carry themselves. The way you are never more than 50 feet from a New York-Style pizza place.

But, while the city is endlessly marvelous, Hanna and Brook are adding so much beauty. Hanna is adding so much sparkle and adventure. Brook is adding so much light and happiness.

And, the memories that live in this city are still wrapped around my conscious. Some of those memories have dissipated from my lucid brain in the last few years. But, as soon as I stepped out of the airport and into the New York air, Hanna and I's forgotten college memories came flooding back without delay. And my eyes welled with emotion without delay.

But before that memory flood had occurred, no sooner than debunking from the plane, Hanna's trembling hand molded itself back onto my arm.

I verbally reassured her of her safety all the way to baggage claim. Hanna kept tensing whenever someone came near her. Also, I know she hasn't forgotten the impending conversation we are going to have once we get to the hotel. And her dread has to be overpowering.

But, Brook's ample grin never departed from her face. The bouncing in her step was indisputably blissful. And, when we had left the plane and stepped away from the crowd of departing passengers, Brook had thrown her arms around Hanna's chest.

"Mommy, you did it! You made the whole plane ride! I'm only 8, but I'm prouder than the parents of a Harvard graduate!" Brook had cried joyously, and Hanna had dropped to her knees and embraced her like she'd never done before. Brook was quick to reciprocate the hug just as fiercely.

Hanna had told me that she really wants to build her strength back up, so she can carry Brook and give her Piggyback Rides. And I could see it in her eyes at that moment, she overbearingly wished she could just tote Brook on her hip until we got to the car.

After they had detached from each other, Hanna's grip latched onto my forearm again. "I can't believe I really did it." Hanna had murmured, more to herself than to me.

"I can." I said, and I'm sure she heard me.

Once we had collected our bags, I could feel Hanna's nerves accelerating quickly. She kept trembling when I had to let go of her to pull our bags from the conveyor belt. As soon as she could grab onto me again, she did. I could her feel her grip tightening on my forearm every few feet walking to the Enterprise Desk, and her breathing becoming rapid.

Once we had rented our car without much injury, we needed to get out of the airport. Hanna was deteriorating fast, and I wasn't sure how much more she could handle.

So, after much heavy breathing and shaky fingers from her, and excited chatter and flouncing from Brook, we had gotten to our temporary car and loaded our suitcases into the spacious trunk. Once we were all in our seats, I finally spoke. "Hey guys..." Brook and Hanna's gaze fell onto me. "We're in New York."

And, with those quiet words, I started the unfamiliar car and left the garage. The car ride was spent by silently gaping out the windows like oblivious tourists. Hanna and Brook's smiles were radiant. I don't know what was going through Hanna's troubled mind, but, it seemed joyful in that moment. She seemed happily content.

Brook seemed enthusiastically anxious. I don't know what I seemed like to everyone else, but I felt like an unexplainable mix of overwhelming fear, sheer happiness, and anxious nerves.

But, I set aside my high-running nerves to make the rest of the drive. Hanna had murmured about the gorgeousness of the city a few times, and I had readily agreed.

So now, I slowly turn the rented car into the valet lane under the hotel's front awning. All of our nervous excitement bounces around the car like a super ball.

"Are you ready, Hanna?" I ask the apprehensive blonde beside me. She pauses, then nods.

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Brook, are you ready?" I gaze at my daughter in her rented booster seat.

"Absolutely!"

"Okay guys." I put the car into park. "Let's go wrestle New York to it's knees."

* * *

**Yay! The New York trip is finally on! Are you happy? Excited? Let me know in a review :) **

**And also, I'm sorry this chapter is so crappy. It's all leading up to something huge that will shock you guys. Here's a hint: it may or may not have something to do with a brand new character. But that's not for a few chapters ;)**

**So, thank you lovelies for your support and love. It really means a lot. Review or PM me with any questions or comments! So, until next time, follow, favorite, and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I'll see**** you guys soon :) **


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